The Way it Should Be
by Indigogold
Summary: Focusing on the relationship of Alex and Piper, I am attempting to write s3 the way it deserved written and give Piper the character development she deserves. Of course there will be angst, there will be drama - but there will be love. This will correspond with the episodes but remain primarily, AU. Vauseman endgame. I won't break your heart. Ch10 now up!
1. Episode 1

**I feel really frustrated with OITNB at the moment. I feel like they've torn Alex and Piper apart for no good reason, with my writing – I want to make it right. I want to set the story back to how I wanted it to go. I'm going to go through each episode of the season, focusing on Alex, as well as Piper and their relationship, and make it go in the direction that it should have. It's AU but with a few similarities to the actual episodes. This one is a bit angsty but trust me, Vauseman is endgame. I have to deal with how Alex felt in those first few episodes. I haven't really read over it but I hope you want to read more - Indigogold**

How the fuck was she back here? How the actual fuck had her life turned out like this? Alex let these thoughts run through her head as she squatted, stark naked and letting out a meek cough. She barely remembered her way here, or the scuffle that involved her black eye. The edges of her vision blurred as she was handed the stupid tangerine uniform. She didn't look up when she was spoken to, or escorted to her bunker, she crawled on the top bunk and curled up into a ball. The hardness of the mattress already made her want to scream. She had gotten out, she was free. She might not have felt free at the time, but although she was incredibly lonely, and scared, the only crying she had to listen to was her own. How she yearned for Piper, not even to fuck, just to feel the comforting warmth of her body pressed against hers. Her little spoon. Every letter she had sent her, regret and love coursing through her veins, willing for her to open this one, to forgive her, to love her again. But now she was back here, with Piper in the same building. She couldn't see her, not like this.

It felt as though the world had ceased to exist around her, she couldn't get away from the swirling blackness of her brain. It gripped her in its hold. The despair she felt made it difficult to see beyond the confides of her own mind. The same thoughts drifting in and out of her head in a viscous cycle of how did it go so wrong? What could she have done? She just didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. The world, at that very moment, was not a place she wanted to be in. What would her mom think if she could see her now? Freedom had been placed firmly in her hands, and then snatched away. Why? She didn't know how long she laid there, with tears silently trickling down her face, her heart pounding and her stomach churning to shreds. Thoughts about her stolen life. Somewhere in the back of her mind she told herself to get it together, but the voice was very faint and was drowning in the dark waves of her mind. She didn't even notice or acknowledge her old friends, she was caught in her own self-loathing and yes, she admitted, self-pity. She was a failure.

Not only that but she was scared. Kubra was out there. He wasn't going to stop until she was dead. He was free, free to kill her. Just because she was behind bars now, so to speak, did not mean she was safe or protected. Every person that she didn't know now, she would treat with suspicion. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. She was locked in a place where she could be murdered at any second. Not only was she sad, lost and alone – she was terrified. Not a lot scared Alex Vause, but Kubra did. She was imprisoned at this very moment by herself, and somewhere deep within herself was the key that she couldn't find.

Day turned to night, and then night into day and eventually, after an unknown amount of time had passed, a ray of sunshine penetrated her dark thoughts, Piper – the heavy feeling in Alex's heart disputed a fraction, not by much – but it was that much lighter that she could get out of the top bunk and go and find her. In her obscuring darkness, she set off in her search for light. The one person she knew of that would make her forget everything, even if it was for a second. The thought of Piper was the only thing that lifted her from that bed, she lit a fire inside her that she could never understand. As she walked, she was vaguely aware of inmates staring at her with open curiousity. _Fuck you_. She said in her head to all of them. _Fuck the lot of you_. Her limbs felt like armour as she strode through the halls of Litchfield, she wanted to put on that armour to protect herself. Hard and impenetrable. Fuck this stupid place. She was shaking. She barely recognised this version of herself, she was like a flimsy flower in a violent storm, one more gust of wind and she'd be beaten down. Piper. She needed Piper and she needed her now. She was worried about her seeing her like this, that it would somehow send her running. Great, now she was insecure too? She could just add that to her long list of emotions right now.

Alex walked into the cafeteria, instantly her eyes connected with Nikki's who shot her a look of concern, but didn't look too surprised to see her. The prison, quite obviously had eyes and ears. She would talk to her later, if she could find the words to describe the despair and regret radiating through her brain. Right now she needed Piper. She stood there like a child that had lost her mother in a store. She felt alone in this horrible place. At that precise moment, her eyes connected with a pair of familiar blue eyes and Alex immediately felt warmer, brighter. She watched as Piper's eyes didn't leave hers as she strode towards her.

"What the hell am I doing back here?" Alex asked Piper.

"I don't know." There was a small pause. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not fucking okay, Piper. I was out, I was free – I had a chance. And now I'm back..." She choked on her own words, fresh tears springing in her eyes. It looked like she was about to cry for the hundredth time that day.

"I'm so sorry, Al." Piper sighed. "Come on, let's get out of here."

The next thing that Alex was aware of was being led by Piper out of the cafeteria into the chapel. She was aware that their roles were slightly reversed, but she was powerless, she felt weak and wanted to be protected. Sitting on the stage, Alex fell into Piper and put her head on her chest. Piper stroked her hair with her cool, deft fingers. It was a while before Alex realised she was crying properly, huge heaving sobs that felt as though were filled with searing knives of pain. It eased every time Piper squeezed her arms that much tighter around her body, holding her as though she was the most precious thing in the world.

When the tears, after a while, came to a stop – Alex looked up at Piper, who was looking down at her. Her eyes were swimming with, what Alex hoped was love, but it looked strangely like regret. For a moment, they both just looked at each other as though they could not comprehend the world, or anything in it. Alex felt her heart beat faster as she looked up at the woman that she loved with every ounce of her being, despite all of this shit, the love of her life was here. Alex held her hand up to Piper's face, and let her fingers run along her skin. Piper moved her head down closer to Alex's and kissed her, not with the fire she usually did, but a kiss that said it will be okay, I will not break you.

"I missed you." Piper whispered, her breath warming Alex's cheek. "It's been so hard without you."

"Pipes." Alex replied, sitting up, distancing herself a little from her. "I missed you too. Don't get me wrong but, I don't understand how the fuck I ended up here."

There was that pause again. "I don't know. I really don't, the justice system is fucked. At least we got each other though, right?"

"Right." Alex said. She didn't have the energy to say anything else. She did however notice that there was something different about Piper, a hardness to her that she didn't recognise and frankly it scared her a little. Her eyes seemed a colder blue than before. Alex didn't want to think about it, but she was afraid. She was afraid that prison was changing the beautiful, funny narcissist that she fell in love with. There was so little to hold on to in here, in this place, but Piper was the one constant she needed to rely on.

"Do you feel better?" Piper wondered.

"No. I feel really fucking afraid Piper, Kubra is out there. You think he's really going to let me go after I personally testified against him?"

"How is he supposed to get in here? Passed the guards? You're safe."

"He runs an international drug cartel, he can easily send someone into here. I'd never underestimate him. He's the real thing. He's cold."

"Stop being so paranoid. If he walked free from a trial, the last thing he is going to do is draw attention to himself by hurting you. I bet he'll be on the first plane out of here, find somewhere new to start up his drug trade again. Trust me. You're the furthest thing from his mind."

Alex shook her head. "If you think that then you don't know Kubra."

"You're safe." Piper repeated. "He's not going to hurt you." She dropped her eyes from Alex's to her lips, and slowly back up again, "I will never let anyone hurt you."

Alex felt her body temperature rise as Piper's hand gently stroked hers, before locking it in a tight clasp. The solid grip grounded her, like an anchor pulling her to her senses – she rose from her despair momentarily and soared high.

"I love you, okay?" Piper smiled, her eyes glistening. "I'm not just saying it because you're sad or because you're in here. I heart you. More than anything."

With her other free hand, Alex held Piper's. "I love you too, kid."

 **The next will be longer, I am going to correspond with the episodes with my own AU version. This is the only way to fix my broken shipper heart! Follow me on tumblr, Chuckoholic. Thanks for reading and please, if you like, leave a review!**


	2. Episode 2

_**Episode/Chapter 2**_

" _Alex, look at this." Piper held out two beautiful hand-woven bracelets and smiled. "Aren't they cute?"_

" _Oh totally frickin' cute!" Alex mocked._

" _You want one? We could get matching ones."_

" _You're such a loser." She look Piper's feigned wounded expression and relented. "Oh fine."_

 _The hurt expression turned to smug as they bought the identical blue bracelets with shades varying from a deep blue to a soft azure in a triangular pattern. They stepped away from the market stall, and from the crowds, and moved through the snowy Christmas markets that Brussels had to offer. The streets were heaving with people from all different walks of life, Alex felt as though they were invisible to the world, just her and Piper in their own Belgian heaven. The icy winds brushed lightly against their cheeks, as they wove between people, Piper laced her fingers between Alex's and just like that, she didn't feel very cold anymore. They found an isolated bench, Piper brushed the snow away with her gloved hand, so that they could both sit. For a moment they didn't speak, and looked in awe at the street illuminated with silver lights, like stars glittering over the crowd, the snow was freshly fallen on the ground and flakes began to descend again as their eyes connected._

" _It's so beautiful here. Did you know that Brussel's highway system is the only man-made structure to be visible from the moon?"_

" _You come out with some strange stuff, Pipes. What do you have, an encyclopaedia in there?" Alex pressed her hand to Piper's head, before running her fingers through her hair._

" _No, I just like to remember things. There's nothing wrong with knowing stuff." Piper's mouth rose up at the corners to show that she wasn't serious. "But honestly, look at this place." She looked out into the distance, with a glisten reflecting in her eyes._

" _It's beautiful." Alex said, not taking her eyes off of her girlfriend._

" _Hey, I forgot about these." She indicated towards the bracelets, "give me your hand."_

 _With an indulgent expression, Alex held her upturned wrist towards Piper, her eyes shining. Wordlessly, Piper ran her fingers along her wrist, deliciously slowly before securing the bracelet in place._

" _Is it too tight?"_

" _Fuck." Alex winced. "I think I've lost all circulation. I'm kidding. It's fine. Let me do you." She raised her eyebrow in a suggestive manner that was not lost on Piper, it took seconds to turn her on._

 _When she had tied it around her wrist, she put her wrist next to Piper's. "Twinsies." She said._

" _Shut up." Piper laughed. "It's Christmas."_

" _It isn't, it's December twentieth and I had hoped for a little more than a one euro bracelet."_

" _Oh, don't worry you'll be getting much more than that."_

" _A Ferrari?"_

" _You know what I mean." Alex watched Piper with a warmth in her chest, the love she felt for her often terrified her. It was so consuming, she'd never felt anything like it. As cliché as it sounded, everything else became white noise when she looked into her eyes. Not to mention she wanted to fuck her senseless every second of every day. She put her arms around Piper and pulled her closer, the heat of their bodies creating a friction between them, she kissed her gently at first, Piper bit her lip and her own parted in response, when she felt her tongue in her mouth, she became hot with want. Before she started fucking her in the snow, Alex pulled away._

" _Listen, there's something I have to tell you and I don't want you to be angry with me."_

" _What is it?"_

" _I can't be here for Christmas. Kubra wants me to go to Paris for a few days. I need to sort a few things out."_

" _What_ things _?" Piper's lightening temper reared its ugly head. "Are you fucking kidding me, Alex? It's Christmas. I'll be alone, what am I supposed to do here by myself?"_

" _I'm sorry Pipes, it's out of my hands."_

" _Really? Because you don't seem too upset. If you don't want to spend Christmas with me, just tell me."_

" _Jeez. You're so selfish sometimes. I have to go. I need you to understand."_

" _Me? Selfish? You're the one making me spend the_ happiest _day of the year on my own. When are you leaving?"_

" _Two days."_

" _Two days? And you're telling me, what, now?" Piper looked away, jaw clenched._

" _I didn't want to upset you."_

" _Upset me? Fuck you."_

" _Please don't be angry. I have to do this. Kubra's on my back. Remember the only way that I can take you all over the world is by doing my job." Piper's expression made her nails dig into the palms of her hands, "It's fine for you, you just get to sit down and sight-see."_

" _Oh I'm sorry, I'll carry on being the kept woman, shall I? I can't believe I quit my job for this."_

" _Piper, you were a fucking waitress."_

" _Whatever. We both know which means more to you." Piper stood up and walked away._

"I feel like I'm suffocating in here. This place, I need to get out of here. How… how did this happen?" Alex's emotions were everywhere, she couldn't seem to get her grip of reality. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. She was aware that she was behaving irrationally, but she couldn't help it. The sheer unfairness of it all, hit her like a bullet to the heart every-time she remembered where she was, which was approximately every thirty seconds.

"Alex stop it." Piper seemed angry. "It's not your fault."

"Yes it is. And look at me. I'm wearing a trash bag. Could this place be any more degrading? It's ridden with psychopaths and bedbugs." She pushed her glasses up as a tear fell.

"You will get through this." Piper shifted uncomfortably.

Despite her own sorrow, Alex picked up on her odd behaviour. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Alex raised her eyebrows but said nothing. "I guess it helps that you're here."

"You guess?"

"Oh I'm sorry, my whole experience is a ray of fucking sunshine because you're here." Why did she say that? She didn't mean to say that. It wasn't Piper's fault. She took a breath. "Look, I'm sorry. About all of this, about this morning in the bathroom – I just can't seem to hold myself together Piper, I'm scared, like all of the time. And I'm sad. I keep going over in my head how dumb I was, holding my gun up like that."

"You've got me." As adorably self-centred as she sounded, she was right.

"Isn't it funny though," Alex mused, "how much fucked up shit that has gone on between us, and yet here we are. With all of our shit on the table, completely out in the open."

Piper looked down, and wouldn't meet her eye. Alex felt her discomfort bubbling to the surface. "Piper. What is it?" She said, her tone guarded, measured.

"It was me." She said quietly. "I… have a friend, I got him to call Davy Crockett. I told him you violated the terms of your probation."

Something sharp penetrated Alex's heart. She was so shocked that she wondered if she had heard correctly, and shock quickly turned to anger. "What?"

"You were in danger Alex. I… wanted you to be safe."

"Bullshit! You missed your comfort blanket."

"At least now all of our shit is out in the open, y'know? Like you said. And now we can move on. You can stop blaming yourself." Piper's eyes searched hers desperately.

"Just like that? Are you delusional?" Alex stood up angrily, unaware of the heads turning to watch her. Red and Nikki shared a look. "God, you're such a manipulative cunt!" She felt fire in every part of her body, rage and betrayal scorching her from deep inside. She walked away.

Well now she was really angry. Of course somewhere deep down she had known. Although she didn't acknowledge it in the slightest, she didn't want to let any more pain in. But now it had well and truly broken through her barriers, white hot fury surged through her whole body. Fuck her. Fuck her and her love. Why did it hurt so much? Piper had taken away her once chance at freedom. Even in her violent surge of her anger she could see _why_ she had done it. But she wasn't about to acknowledge that now, for now she was angry. Anger was better than sadness. Anger made her feel like Alex. It made her feel in control, it made her feel powerful, invincible. Yet that hurt she felt burnt her. Why had Piper lied?

She walked into the library, it was empty and devoid of books. She looked out of the window, they were burning the books. _What the hell?_ Stupid bed bugs ruined everything. The empty shelves somehow reflected how she felt on the inside right now, she watched the smoke disappearing into the sky and the great books which would have acted as an escape with it. Those beautiful words that often lifted her spirits on the darkest of her days here, now charred ash. Why did every path she walked down become a dead end? Fuck was the only adequate word she could think of to describe her emotions. She kicked the bookshelf, hard. She did it again and again, until her foot throbbed. Oh look, she was crying again, they were not tears of sadness, they were sparks of fire raining down her cheeks.

Piper. The one person who she thought understood, somehow managed to keep shattering the remaining debris of her heart. Crunching it smaller and smaller until she felt hollow. Yet she fucking loved her. With every piece of it. The hatred and anger fought within her. She felt like she couldn't take it, any of it. She wondered if she would have been better off living in denial. She wondered sometimes if she actually felt _too_ much. From the outside she was tough, resilient, a warrior with eyeliner. But now she had no barrier, she was a walking, living, breathing mess. She was lonelier now still, and paranoid. She put her head in her hands and dug her nails into her scalp. The trash bag she was wearing squeaked in protest. How ridiculous did she look right now? She was shocked out of her angry reflection when the door banged open.

"Alex?" She heard Nikki's voice.

"Nikki?"

"Hey. Oh man, you look rough. You alright?" Alex looked up to see her friend's face looking at her, her hair just as wild as ever – mascara-rimmed eyes watching her with open concern.

"Look at me. I am literally trash." She laughed despite herself.

"You look hot though. If I put that on they'd carry me off in a garbage truck. What's goin' on?"

"Did you know Piper's the reason that I'm back here."

"Fuck. I had no idea, how'd you find out?"

"She told me and I called her a manipulative cunt."

"What did I tell you, Vause? Straight girls."

"I can't believe her. I feel so… cheated. Nik, I was free, I had a chance to start a life for myself and she took that away from me."

"Isn't that exactly what you did to her? Put her in here, away from her rich white girl fairy-tale? And now she has no fiancée and didn't he fuck her best friend? So I guess she doesn't have one of those either."

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side." Alex felt her point of view shifting, she didn't want it to, she wanted to stay in her powerful rage.

"I don't take sides. You both fuck each other over, but you love each other. It's warped, but, hey, love is love."

"I'm just so angry. Although, I suppose she felt justified after what I did to her."

"That girl has an odd sense of what is right or wrong. In some ways I think she feels like she did what was best for you. But man, she is selfish." Nikki smiled the sort of smile that showed her genuine fondness for Piper. Alex understood that she was friends with both of them, but appreciated being heard out all the same.

"She seems different. I'm kinda freaked out."

"She seems more like you, you mean?"

"I guess." She felt as though a small but significant weight had been lifted, anger still remained – although she didn't feel like or facing Piper anytime soon. "Look at us. Me in a trash bag and you in some weird paper thing. It'd make a great story."

"I do wish you had stayed in your underwear." Nikki grinned. "Something about these old lady bras really turn me on, y'know? Women can't deceive anyone on their bra size."

Alex laughed, "Plus you can see nipples through them about a mile away."

"Can I see yours?"

 _Piper stared silently at her make-shift Christmas tree in her hotel room in Brussels, the lights flickered half-heartedly, illuminating the cheap decorations that hung from the plastic branches. There was nothing underneath. The snow fell outside and she felt lost and empty. It was Christmas morning, and Piper had woken up to nothing and no one. After their fight five days ago, Piper hadn't heard from Alex, and she didn't know if she was ever coming back. The anger at being left alone at Christmas mattered little to her now, she just felt alone and yearned for Alex. She didn't want to go back home, to her family that talked about everything but feelings. She knew a different kind of life now, she knew about passion and love, and adventure. How could she go back to the mundaneness of every-day life? How could she leave without Alex? But how could Alex leave without her? Piper was scared that she had lost interest and that her proclamations of love had been made in fleeting passion. She was holding her heart together with a pritt-stick right now._

 _She made some half-hearted calls home, put on her best happy-go-lucky-I-don't-miss-my-lesbian-lover voice. Her father sounded concerned, but she insisted that she was with Polly's relatives and they were having a brilliant time sipping coco by the fire and skiing down the French Alps. Piper comforted herself with the fact that, on this occasion that her family would rather be lied to, it wasn't as though her family would benefit in any way shape or form from knowing what she was really doing. Besides, lying was somewhat of a family tradition and who was she to argue with her own heritage? After giving an Oscar worthy performance, Piper decided to call someone that she could actually confide in._

 _Polly answered on the second ring. "Piper! Oh my God, why the hell haven't you been in touch sooner? Merry Christmas by the way." She said in a tone that did not resonate glad tidings._

" _I'm sorry, Pol. It's just been so hectic."_

" _What's wrong?" Polly sensed Piper's tone immediately._

" _Nothing." She sighed. "Everything. I don't know. She's gone."_

" _What do you mean she's gone?" Piper could practically see Polly's eyes narrowing. "I knew she was trouble."_

" _Well I don't know if she's_ gone _gone, but we had a fight."_

" _What about?"_

" _She said she had to work over Christmas in Paris. I said she was being unreasonable to leave me by myself in a foreign country. We both got really angry, I came back to the hotel, thinking that she would follow me. But she didn't," her voice broke, "she hasn't come back since. That was almost a week ago."_

" _Shit." Polly said. "How dare she do that to you?"_

" _It was kind of my fault to. I mean it is her job after all."_

" _It doesn't mean she can leave without an explanation."_

" _I'm having the most depressing Christmas. I've considered hanging myself with the Christmas lights."_

" _Really?"_

 _She paused. "No. But the prospect is looking more and more promising."_

" _Stop being stupid. Come home."_

" _I don't want to. As bad as it is right now, I'd rather be here than living my old life."_

" _It does sound much more exciting than this diner I'm working in right now." Polly said. "Nine til five sucks, there isn't a Mojito to be seen. I miss you. Even Pete misses you."_

 _Piper felt an ache in her heart. "I miss you too."_

" _Hey, look I'm sorry I gotta go. Christmas chaos calls. Please call back soon."_

 _And with that she was gone, and Piper was left feeling emptier than ever. She walked to the bedroom, the silence surrounding her like an angry mob. The snow outside didn't make her feel festive, it made her feel increasingly isolated. She picked up one of Alex's pillows and held it close – and inhaled deeply, for a split second, she felt comforted. She missed her so badly. She was so afraid that she had left for good. She picked up one of Alex's books, but couldn't concentrate. Why did it have to be Christmas? If you weren't surrounded by people you were a hundred percent more likely to feel suicidal. Christmas reminded you of what you had and what you didn't. She walked over to the window that looked over the hotel's beautiful gardens, laced with snow. She sat on the window-sill and let herself cry._

 _After a period of time passed, with miserable thoughts circling around Piper's head, the hairs on the back of her neck suddenly stood to attention, and she felt a pair of arms winding around her. She jumped, but then softened as she smelled that scent again. She hadn't heard her coming in, she must have been lost in her own self-pity._

" _I'm back." She felt the hot words whisper into her ear._

" _Alex." She breathed. She didn't turn around, she wasn't entirely sure she hadn't fallen asleep and started dreaming. She pressed herself against her, and Alex wound her arms tighter._

" _I really fucking missed you Pipes." The grip got tighter again as she ran her hands along Piper's chest and downwards towards her groin. Piper pushed her weight against her further, she was turned on instantly, but the relief was quickly replaced with anger._

" _Where the hell have you been, Al?"_

" _I'm so sorry. I was so angry that I didn't even take my cell. I wanted to go and negotiate with Kubra's associate and get the job done as quickly as possible. So that I could come back to you." She continued to speak as Piper turned around to face her with that heartbreakingly wounded expression. "I left early so that I could come back in time. At first I wanted to punish you for being such a bitch to me, but... Then I just missed you. Jeez, my head wasn't in it. I fucked up the job."_

" _What happened?" Piper said._

" _I couldn't think straight. I went to the wrong place for the drop, the girl almost got arrested because I wasn't there. Luckily Kubra's associate bailed me out."_

" _Oh Alex." Piper sighed. "Is everything okay now?"_

" _Yeah, the drop went down and Kubra – hopefully – is none the wiser."_

" _Thank God. I thought you were gone, for good. I… was terrified." Piper didn't like to admit that._

" _You really don't know me as well as I thought you did, Pipes. I would never bail on you. Yeah, I was pissed, but I really do love you."_

" _I love you too." Her eyes met Piper's, and in an instant they were in each other's arms, frantically kissing, Alex pushed Piper up against the wall, pressing her groin firmly on her lover's, hot insistent kisses trailing down her neck._

" _You want your present now or later?" Alex said, raising that perfectly seductive eyebrow again._

" _Now." Piper pushed her down on the bed, and they disappeared beneath the covers._

Piper and Alex walked across opposite ends of the hallway, eyes connecting – narrowed. Alex was ready to release her emotions in a haze of meaningless word-vomit. To her surprise, Piper turned away, and walked towards the library, which had "do not enter" banners criss-crossed over the doors. Contributing to her disbelief, Piper ripped down the sign without hesitation, she pushed the door open, looked meaningfully back at Alex, and walked into the cordoned-off area. Alex stood there for a moment, debating whether to follow her. She didn't contemplate it for long, she threw caution to the wind and trailed in her wake.

She stood, looking at Piper's guilty face, remorse and shame dotted across her delicate features. She didn't speak, but waited for Alex to say something, anything. Fresh anger ignited within her. "You bitch!" She spat, and before she knew what she was doing, she slapped Piper across the face. Betrayal and hurt made her lash out.

Piper's blue eyes grew darker. "Fuck you." She shoved Alex in the chest, hard.

"Fuck you!" Alex said in return, growing hotter.

They shoved each other in equal measure, all of the frustration and yearning, hurt and loss merging together in one moment. Alex shoved her hands beneath Piper's shirt, clasping her small, pert breasts and her nipples were already hard. Just like that, electricity sparked between them, she let out a grunt. Piper removed her shirt, her chest rising and falling in anticipation. They gazed at one another for a moment, before lunging in hungrily at each other. The want in the air building and building. They kissed frantically, aggressively – the want and the hatred blurring together in a thick fog of desire. Piper pushed Alex down on the table with force, and quickly removed her underwear. She buried herself deeply into her, in seconds pleasure erupted into her body, with Alex's feet on Piper's shoulders, she shoved her forcefully to the floor. She wanted her power back. With hot fury, she kissed her, and trailed kisses down Piper's body like a forest fire – she had never been angrier, or more aroused. She in turn, put her mouth to Piper's groin, she moaned and Alex, blissfully, gave into the oblivion.

 **As you can kinda see, parts of this were basically similar to the episode, but this was where the development was right, only we didn't get any flashbacks so I'm trying to do a bit more of that. Feedback welcome, thanks for reading!**


	3. Episode 3

**Resubmitted because of a few errors I didn't notice until I read over it!**

 **Firstly, thank you for the encouraging reviews. This chapter is designed to fill in the blanks during episode 3. It's kind of angsty and heavy but I really wanted to get to the grips with their characters and help identify what they were feeling and going through. Not every chapter will be so feeling-orientated but I want to acknowledge their problems and the fact that they need to work through them, and of course, that doesn't happen overnight.**

 _Piper watched as the girls from class approached her, three of them, none of them towered over her lanky frame, but somehow their eyes filled her with a sense of trepidation. She knew what they wanted – it was her own stupid fault. They had just finished last period English, Piper's favourite, where they were studying Of Mice and Men. She had enjoyed the book herself and had read it cover to cover three times. For homework, which was due that session, they'd had to write an essay on the character of Curly, she threw herself into the essay, keen to impress Miss Sparks. As the lesson drew to a close, the teacher didn't mention the homework, Piper figured that it had slipped her mind, so reminded her. Only, she hadn't given much thought to how it would make the rest of the students feel, she'd only wanted feedback on her efforts. There was a collective groan when Piper raised her hand. Oh, right, she was_ that _kid._

 _Her friends were in a different class, so she was pretty much on her own here. Every lesson she would hear those three girls laugh harshly behind her, in the way only teenage girls could. She knew their names from when the register was taken. Grace, Lauren and Naomi. Grace was the one who seemed to have formed a rather intense hatred for Piper, who never went looking for trouble, but somehow it_ always _found her._

 _She'd stayed behind after class for ten minutes to enthuse about the book with the teacher. However, when she'd exited the building, the girls had formed some sort of weird triangle around her and each time Piper tried to escape – she came uncomfortably close to one of them. So she stood and looked up at Grace's tanned face and hazel eyes. "What?" She said slowly, pushing a fierceness into her voice._

" _Because of you, Piper Chapped-lip or whatever your name is, we have after-school detention for the next fortnight."_

 _Piper wasn't sure what approach to take. Words wouldn't really work in her favour here. So she shrugged. Oh – no, no, that was the wrong road to go down. Grace's shoulders rose, her expression reminded Piper of a cat ready to pounce. Somehow Piper found herself pressed up against the wall of the English building, gravel digging into her back. Although skinny, she had considered herself to be rather strong, but she was no match for three teenage girls with a vendetta._

" _If you don't write our papers for us – we'll make your life a living hell. Freak." Grace held her by the back of her new shirt, and put her face so close to Piper's that she could feel the girl's venomous spittle on her face. With one final back-breaking shove, she was alone again, panting against the wall._

 _Later when she had gathered herself, she eventually made it home, her mother was cooking dinner. After the whole, her father-having-an-affair thing, Piper was wary of confiding in her mother – but she was embarrassingly, afraid, and felt the only person she could tell was someone whose job it was to protect her. Surely her mom wouldn't brush something like this under the carpet?_

" _Hey, honey." Piper's mom said, "How was your day?" She began humming to herself as though she didn't really expect a reply. God forbid anything was other than hunky-dory._

" _Not so good, actually," Piper began._

" _Oh," her mother said, not taking her eyes off of the potatoes that she was peeling. "Why?"_

" _I think I'm being bullied."_

" _You? Why ever would_ you _be bullied, don't be so silly, Piper."_

" _But Mom, they cornered me. They don't like me because I… I don't know, I actually like English. I guess they think I'm a loser. Anyway, they threatened me after school and said I had to write their papers for them."_

" _I'm sure you've got it all wrong, they're probably intimidated by your intelligence and just want a bit of help."_

" _Mom it wasn't like that!" Piper felt anger rising within her, she just wanted to be taken seriously, to be listened to, for once._

" _They're just teenage girls. It's just playground stuff. Go and tell your brother dinner is almost ready."_

" _But-"_

" _Piper!" Reluctantly, Piper sauntered off. Was she being stupid? Irrational? Making a big deal out of nothing? She was sure that she wasn't. Feeling hot shame crawling up her body like a boa constrictor ready to consume her, she climbed the stairs and sighed deeply, she was on her own with this one._

Every bit of Piper ached as she lay staring at the ceiling. The hate sex with Alex was so amazing, and so fuelled with hatred and passion that it drained her. It made her tingle just thinking about Alex's powerful orgasms earlier that day, her back arching in pleasure, moaning Piper's name over and over again. It felt good to have that sort of power, for Alex to crumble beneath her fingers. To give the woman she so deeply loved the sort of loving she deserved. It was the sort of thing that had kept her lying awake this her mattress-less bed for hours at a time, turning her on as she thought of the key moment her eyes connected with Alex's at her point of climax – she was so vulnerable at that very moment. Piper had never felt more connected to another human being on that level before. The hostility between them lately meant that, when they had sex, it was the only way that they could communicate effectively. It was during these moments that she understood how deeply she had hurt Alex. She still felt incredibly guilty, she managed to push it away during the day, where she was either busy working on electrical or having the most amazing sex. At night, however, she was a feeding bed for emotions - there were no voices to distract her from thinking about the person she was becoming. What had given her the right to take away someone else's freedom? Because she wanted to? Did that make her actions justified? No one would give her sympathy for what she had done but she had been so worried for Alex's safety, and she missed her so much, in theory it had made sense.

The funny thing about theory though, was that when it actually became reality it was very different. Her own actions had changed Alex. She was the reason why Alex felt so angry and alone. What made her happy caused the woman she loved pain. And for what? So she could have a fuck every now and then? She wondered if that was how Alex perceived it. It was so much more than that, Piper couldn't put it into words. She just needed her, whatever the consequences. She tried to push from her mind the gut-wrenching guiltiness. She wanted to be stronger. She wasn't a weak little girl anymore. Yet every time she tried to inject a bit of strength in her veins, she thought about Alex crying on the other side of that bathroom door, and she couldn't handle it – the tormenting pain she was experiencing was because of her. Every tear that fell from Alex's eyes was another knife twisted into Piper's heart. She let Alex hate fuck her because she deserved it. She wanted Alex to relieve her pain and she wanted to relieve her guilt. She couldn't live with herself in a world where Alex was hurt. She adored every bit of that power hungry, impossibly sexy woman – but she found it hard to deal with her pain, her hurt, because she was the one who had inflicted it. She didn't know how to fix Alex when she couldn't even fix herself.

As she mustered the courage to get out of bed, the guilt, as it usually did, subsided a little and she was able to function as usual. The darkness suffocated by the daylight, she knew that it would come back again but it didn't stop her trying to push it away. There was no way that she could survive in this prison being the Piper she was when she came in here, she needed to change – prison was dragging her down. The loss of Larry and her best friend kick-started her downward spiral. Her perspective on the outside world was becoming more and more blurred. The only world she knew was the world here. The world in here was the world that she had to adapt to survive in, she had to mould and shape herself to be the person to fit in amongst these people. Without this front, she wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning, this façade was the only thing that stopped her disintegrating on the inside. It was protecting her. It was protecting Alex. Piper knew that the only way to get through this was to put herself away, metaphorically, inside herself – she didn't know if this version of herself would every come back again, but she needed this armour to hold herself together. She couldn't keep using other people to make herself complete, because what if Alex decided after all of this hate-fucking that she didn't want her selfish, weak, narcissistic ass. She couldn't let herself fall to pieces. She had to be her own crutch she could to lean on. She had to be there for herself.

As she stood up and took in the bland walls – she couldn't quite reign in all of her thoughts. If she gave herself completely to Alex, and Alex left her, which she deserved – she couldn't be that hollow, empty shell of a person. She couldn't keep filling that void with people. She needed to fill that void within herself, with concrete strength and power. Eventually everyone would leave her. She was sure of that. She mentally shook herself. Feelings would kill her. With Alex vulnerable and wounded, She needed to be strong enough to help her through this. The sex was a welcome distraction, to lose herself in Alex with her spine-tingling, intoxicating moan, expressive eyes that bore passionately into hers, telling a thousand stories, laced with pain and hurt and love. Alex loved _her_. For some strange fucked up reason, Piper had the love of this woman and she did not want to it fuck up. She wanted to be the sort of person that Alex needed, even if she later chose to walk away and leave her.

As she walked from her bunk to the shower, she was shocked to find, as she always was that life continued to go on around her. She was happier instantly because she was less in her own head. But maybe it was a dangerous thing to not be self-aware in here. She spent too much time thinking about the type of person she was becoming, but in here – it worried her constantly. As the lukewarm water fell over her naked body, she thought about how the barriers between her and the other inmates used to be so clear. In her head there were clear markings separating them, she was different from them. Slowly she had realised that they had all made wrong choices somewhere along the line to make them end up here. If she was exactly like them – a criminal - then where was her place on the outside world anymore? With these thoughts lapping over each other, running around in the confines of her head – she felt as though she needed an escape.

It was a few moments before she realised she was being watched, she looked up slowly, Alex stood there with a towel around herself, hair wet – jet black and dripping as her darkening eyes drank her in.

"Library, ten minutes." She said with her sexy, husky voice.

Piper was stunned for a while, until she shook her head – free of the crippling thoughts, and the self-pity and guilt, and quickly moved to get dressed.

Shortly after her meeting with Rogers, Alex confronted Piper about the blatantly obvious hickey on her neck, she strode back into her bunk – the anger and hurt still prominent in her heart. She wanted to get her power back from Piper, she didn't like how the roles felt reversed. She didn't like being this fragile wisp of a person, it was all her Piper's fault, she had taken away a fundamental part of herself and she wanted it back. She wouldn't survive in here if she was this paranoid, insecure wreck.

She inspected her bunk. She was sure she had left her bed neatly made, yet her blanket lay crumpled at the foot of her mattress, her pillow at an angle. Strange. This wasn't right. She wasn't being paranoid, surely? She distinctly remembered waking up and making her bed. Hang on, she had left her book closed, with the page folded. Yet somehow the book was open, but faced down. Someone had been in here, she instinctively knew that it was none of the people that she shared this room with. They knew not to touch each other's things, it was an unspoken rule. She felt as though someone had walked over her grave. That sort of cold-sweat inducing fear formed in the pit of her stomach. Someone had deliberately moved her stuff. The rest of the beds were untouched. The fear expanded. Fuck.

She didn't have the mind-set to sit and think about this right now, she had to keep her worries at bay, she had enough on her mind right now - Piper being one of the most prominent factors. She'd have to go to that stupid drama class. If there was any way to clear this fog in her brain, it was watching people make a fool of themselves.

An hour or so later, Alex returned from the drama class, which had helped enormously in dissipating her anger. She hadn't meant for all of the hurt, and the anger to come out in front of everyone like that, exposing her vulnerability in the most extreme way. Yet her fury has lessened some – a lot actually. With that ridiculous grocery store metaphor they had aired their problems out in the open. It had felt good. Therapeutic even. Annoyingly, she began to see things from Piper's point of view. Even when she didn't want to forgive Piper, she _always, always_ did. She couldn't hold a grudge. Maybe it was her the type of person she was, to be forgiving and just move the fuck on 'cause life was too fucking short. Or maybe she couldn't stand the pain of not having her. Or maybe, just maybe it was because her love for Piper overpowered everything else. While the hurt still resonated within her, and she still needed some time to lick her wounds, Alex felt something subtle but significant shift inside her.

Now that anger had packed her bags and set on her merry way, Alex wondered how soon it would take for fear to take centre stage. She climbed up to her bed and inspected it – this time, her book was gone and replaced with something else. It was a copy of _You're Next_ by Gregg Hurwitz. It was a warning. She suddenly felt cold, very cold.

Startling her, Morello appeared behind her.

"Hey, jus' bringin' a new inmate in here." A thin, red-haired girl appeared behind her, she avoided eye-contact, sat on the bed and quickly folded herself in two and faced the wall. "You alright, honey?"

"Uh…" Alex mentally flailed. "Yeah. Yeah, course." She reached up to her glasses and put them on her head, using them to push her hair away from her eyes

"You and Piper airin' all your stuff out in the open there, was good, don't you think?" Morello leaned up against the door frame.

"I guess." She didn't feel like talking when her heart was pounding this fast.

"I wanted to talk to you," Lorna said, "about Nikki, actually. She's actin' kinda strange."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." Alex raised her eyebrows, something clicked then, Nikki _had_ seemed a little out of sorts today, she'd been a touch too self-absorbed sinve she arrived back here, she hadn't been paying that much attention to her friends, she was so lost inside her own head.

"I'm worried, that, y'know, she might be back on the drugs."

"She wouldn't do that. The fear of Red killing her is too much of a risk to take." She needed to be a better friend.

"I don't know."

"Hey," She picked up the heavy weight of the book in her right hand and held it up to show her. "Have you seen anyone with this book before?"

"No. Should I have?"

"No. Don't worry about it." Alex put it down, Morello shrugged and walked off.

 _Piper stood at the end of her road, with blood dripping from her nose onto her white shirt. She didn't cry, but stood there in a stunned sort of trance. She had followed her mother's own advice, and ignored those girls. She tried to push the paranoia away. She locked herself away in the library during lunch that week, and told her friends that she was studying. She was scared that she'd see Grace's face, contorted with hatred – asking where the fuck her homework was. As scared as she was, Piper had a firm rule of not being anyone's bitch, she wasn't going to let herself be controlled or used. However now she had to let it play out and accept the consequences. Consequences to something that she hadn't done wrong, she knew that she'd have to suffer in some way. Only, as the days passed, nothing happened and she wondered if she had exaggerated the magnitude of things. Although today was the day she had spent all week dreading – and she never dreaded English._

 _The girls hadn't been in class, much to Piper's relief. Maybe they'd bunked off. Maybe they were all talk._

 _For that one hour session, the relief was utter bliss. She'd actually enjoyed the lesson without their childish muttering behind her and as she walked home, she let her mind wander. All of a sudden she was disorientated by a hard blow to her back, she met with the pavement – her jaw connected with the concrete, Piper heard a sickening crack._

" _That's how you want to play it, Chap-stick, huh?" She heard Grace's voice taunt._

 _The fear had almost swallowed Piper whole, she slowly got to her feet. She wanted to look Grace in the eye. She was knocked instantly back down with a punch to the nose, it felt as though she had been hit with a brick. They hissed such cruel words at her that she quickly buried in the back of her mind. The relief was astonishing when they moved away - it quickly escalated to humiliation. How could they just hurt someone like that? She had never done anything to them, yet they seemed to hate her with a burning passion._

 _Mericfully, when she returned home, her mother was nowhere to be seen. It took an hour for her to have a shower and clean herself up. Once the blood was gone, she was left with a small cut under her nose. The bruise on her chin she covered with make-up. When her mother came in, Piper buried her head in a book._

" _How was your day?" She said._

" _Fine."_

"Pull my hair!" Piper instructed.

"Like this?" Alex obliged.

"Ow!"

" _Sorry_."

"Don't apologise…" She pulled Alex towards her, "fuck me like," she tried to demonstrate how rough she wanted it to be.

Alex felt wrong. "It feels weird now. It's not the same," She stopped. "It feels weird, I don't like…" realisation dawned, "I don't want to hurt you," She leant against the bookcase in defeat.

Piper look surprised, then smiled, "fucking empathy!"

"I knew that class was a bad idea."

Piper sighed. "What are we going to do now if we can't have hate sex?"

"Hate snuggle?" She found herself smiling at Piper for the first time since she revealed her betrayal.

"I don't really think that's a thing." Piper returned.

They looked at one another, at a loss. Alex pressed her back against the shelves and slunk down to the floor, Piper followed – neither spoke for a while and stared into the near distance, contemplating the change in their circumstances. Alex silently berated herself, why did she always forgive Piper, and why did Piper always forgive her? She thought about all the times she had hurt her – all the times that she cut so deeply into her heart she wasn't sure if she'd survive it. Despite everything, hurt, the pain, the loss – it was a package deal with them. The hate made their love stronger. The pain was so prominent and so severe because their love was etched forever on each other's hearts. What was it about this woman, Alex idly wondered, that made her go so bat-shit crazy?

"So you're not angry anymore?" Piper broke the silence.

"It's as confusing to me as it is to you." She turned around so that she was facing Piper, who mirrored her movement, "maybe it's that inevitable thing, y'know?"

Piper twined her hands around Alex's, her eyes were shining and the corners of her lips rose up into a beautiful smile. "Maybe."

"Who knew drama class had so much power?"

"It doesn't mean I'm still not pissed at you. Pipes, we gotta stop doing this to each other. I mean," she stopped and thought about what she was going to say next, "this is gonna sound pretty heavy, but, I don't want to mess this up again," her voice broke, "I need you, okay?"

" _Alex_." Piper whispered softly.

"Please." She stopped her, wiping the tears away beneath the lenses of her glasses. "Please stop breaking my heart. Jeez, look at me. You've never wanted me more, right?" She looked up to find Piper's intense expression humourless.

Piper moved closer, until she was kneeling over Alex, "Don't cry. I will never ever hurt you again. Great you've got me started," She laughed despite the stream running from her eyes, "I'm sorry, Al. I'm so fucking sorry. About everything, I love you," she parted her legs so that she was straddling her without putting her weight on her, she put her hands either side of Alex's tear stained face. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Alex looked at her then, with the most heart-breaking expression she had ever seen, the pain echoing through her pained features. If this was power that Piper was experiencing now, she didn't want it. It felt dirty, evil to make someone feel like this. Alex's eyes searched her own, each were seeking out the good in one another, the parts that they cherished, the parts that they held onto with such determination and force.

"Fuck. What do you do to me, Pipes?" Alex sniffed. She wiped Piper's eyes with alternating thumbs and then ran them down her face, caressing them. "Now that all the shit is out of the way, can we just be _us?_ "

"No more bullshit. No more lies."

"I know you find this stuff hard. Emotions and shit. I won't say this to everyone but Piper I feel really fucking shitty and I'm scared. Please don't run away…" Alex never thought she'd see herself like this, with her fragile heart in someone else's hands, letting another person see her at her lowest and weakest. Letting someone see the fear she rarely caved into.

"I won't run." She Piper simply. Coming from an emotionally fucked up family, she was glad that someone understood that empathy and compassion weren't always her strongest points, but somehow, with Alex it just sort of happened. That terrified her. When Alex cried, Piper cried too, when Alex's heart broke – hers shattered. She had to stop being so self-absorbed and realise that Alex needed her now. Neither of them knew who leant forward first, but their lips were suddenly together and this time it wasn't a kiss fuelled by hatred, but a kiss that warmed them both from the inside and out, numbing the tips of their fingers and setting their hearts alight. Their tears mixed, and their arms tightened around each other. It wasn't a furious dance of tongues, but something so real and so intensely raw – that something new between them thickened and blossomed, and was never the quite same again.

 **I wouldn't say it's quite happily ever after for them just yet, I don't want to just ignore the things that happened in the season – I just want to change the order around a bit, and rewrite the fundamentally wrong things that the writers did with Piper and Alex. Seriously writing this helps me so much, and maybe I can eventually help readers a little, too. Please leave a review if you have any thoughts. Thanks for reading.**

 **Indigogold**


	4. Episode 4

**I swear when I publish this and then read over it – I find about 20 errors I missed. In future I will proof-read like 3 times at least so I don't have to re-upload it!**

 **Well this chapter turned out to be a little longer than I expected – like 2000 words longer. Whoops. This still corresponds majorly with episode 4. There are some changes however, as it is AU.**

 **Episode 4**

How could Alex have forgotten that today was Piper's birthday? She was so _pissy_ , she should have twigged sooner. After seeing her in the bathroom this morning, she realised that she found Piper impossibly sexy when she was grumpy. The little crease in her brow, the way she got so sarcastic and short. She'd never tell her but she found it so cute. She got that Piper didn't want anyone to know it what today was, and that she didn't want to acknowledge the fact that, at thirty-two years old she was in prison. She guessed that her birthday was a concrete reminder of the fact.

They hadn't slept together since that last, hate-fuelled fuck fest. That moment in the library when Alex had found herself breaking down in front of Piper, the pain finally coming to the surface. She had never felt so weak than at that moment, her walls had come down and her insecurities were out in the open. Every tear had held the weight of her pain, the sense of betrayal. It felt as though she had been grieving. Piper, for once, did not speak – but held her until she eventually composed herself. Although this had happened, she wasn't cured - she was still broken, still wounded, still healing.

It didn't feel wrong for Piper to see her like that. If she was going to take off her armour for anyone, it would be for that woman. She'd finally opened those floodgates and told the blonde that she couldn't take any more heartbreak, and that it was too fucking painful to lose her again. Whether she was in here, or the outside world, Life without Piper was a cold, bleak winter – sunless, dark and filled with despair. Sure, she could get on with her life without her, she could pretend, but she wouldn't be living. She'd be a ghost. It was those moments of pure, pure happiness with Piper that highlighted the dark contrast to a Piper-less life. Because she had experienced love, and lost it, she was never going to let it go again. She wasn't going let _her_ go for anything. They were both fucked up, that was very true, but Alex wanted to find a way for them to be together. She didn't think much about the future, she didn't like to have a plan, what was the point? Plans led to an inevitable disappointment – but Piper was the only plan she wanted. There was something about all of this pain, this _shit_ that she had been through in the past few years, that made her want to change. Hell, maybe she was finally growing up – she didn't was to mess around anymore. As tough as she thought she was, Alex accepted that she was a human being who wanted love.

It was so precious, what they had, Alex could never comprehend it fully – the feeling she got when she was around Piper and the agony she felt when she was away from her. She felt whole, she felt warm, she felt life-altering happiness. A lot of the time she loved and hated Piper in equal measure, but that love, that spell-binding feeling always overpowered it. She didn't know how, or even why, but her heart belonged to this woman. And today was Piper's birthday, and she was sad. Alex wanted to do something to put a smile back on her face.

Thinking about Piper almost _almost_ stopped Alex from thinking about her problem. She had a big problem. She couldn't shake this constant feeling like she was being watched. The threat of Kubra's revenge loomed over her like a thunder cloud. This was exactly the way he would play it, slow precise movements – like a game of chess. Each significant piece paved the way for him to make his move. He wanted her to be unhinged, he wanted her to become slowly undone – and inch by inch lose the grip on her sanity. She had to say, it was working.

She found herself horribly startled when Nikki's wild mane appeared in her bunk before her.

"Shit." Alex muttered.

"Hey kid." Nikki said, she looked unusually shifty. Alex had been meaning to speak to her, after her conversation with Morello had alerted her to the younger woman's suspicious behaviour.

"I haven't seen you around much. Are you still fucking your way around this place?"

Nikki laughed, but not with the same conviction as she usually did. "You know it. Y'see that one, the red-head who sleeps on that bunk?" Alex nodded, recalling the wiry hollow-eyed inmate, "well she's a squirter. She came so much this morning that I think I've become partially-sighted. And oh man, was she a screamer, she might look dead inside – but there's a banshee in there somewhere."

"Messy." Alex smirked.

"You'd know. Chapman told me all about, the incident."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?" She'd thought Piper had been rather mortified by that, although it was a very arousing, amusing memory that she often thought about. "It was surprising for both of us."

"How did it happen? Were you nose deep when it just shot out? Oh man, I can just picture it."

"Y'know, I think she'd kill me if I told you."

"She is uptight whenever I talk about fucking. Hetero mentality Vause, honestly. When you're all about the pussy, life is much easier."

"Tell me about it." They shared a knowing look. "So c'mon, Nik, tell me why you've been acting so fucking shifty."

"Oh. Yeah. You noticed, huh? Shit." She seemed unusually flustered. "Fuck. Well, that's what I needed to talk to you about."

"Well, spit it out."

"I need you to help me shift this heroin. I fucked up, and now Boo doesn't trust me. Luschek knows about it, and I don't think I can trust him either. The methheads have already got their hands on some of it – we were gonna sell it. But fuck, I can't be around it anymore, Vause. It's fucking with my head, I just want to get rid of it." She ran her hands through her hair, as though that would somehow detangle it.

"What the fuck were you thinking? You get caught with that shit and you'll be straight down to max."

"It's just that I can't resist it. I couldn't go to Red, she'd have nothing more to do with me."

"What do you want me to do?" She couldn't let Nikki go down that path.

"Luschek is watching me all of the time now, he's waiting for me to deliver the stash. He couldn't give a fuck what you do. If I tell you where to find it – please, throw it the fuck away."

"It's risky." Alex sighed. "What you gonna give me for it?" She pulled out her 'fuck me' expression. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'll do it."

"Thanks, kid. I owe you one."

"If I get caught you're dead, Nichols." Alex wondered if Nikki found it strange that she didn't even hesitate to put herself in some kind of danger. She wanted to do it for her friend, for the friend that – when it came to heroin, obviously, had a resolve like pudding. It wasn't like Alex, she never fully committed to drugs, much like she never fully committed to anything. Part of her wondered if she said yes so easily just to get back some of that rush. To be able to become that person again, the powerful, fearless drug-smuggler without a single care in the world. The drugs were never anything compared to the power, those eight years without Piper made her harder, colder. The drugs numbed the pain, but the power magnified the pain, turned it in to anger – the fury made her strong. It drove her, to have her drug mules around her like puppies, the suppliers desperately hanging on her every word.

"Hey – you sure? Look like you're freakin' out a little there. Chill, it's cool if you can't." Nichols was a lot of things, messed-up, aggressive – permanently aroused, but the point was that she was an all-round _decent_ human being. Beneath it all she was kind, compassionate and unless you fucked with her – loyal.

"Yeah, don't sweat it. It'll be easy. Just don't tell Piper, she'll be pissed."

"You don't even have to worry about that. She seems, I don't know, a little different lately. Seems kind of wrapped up in her own shit."

"Aren't we all?" Alex said nonchalantly, but somewhere inside her – a little root of fear planted itself.

Shortly after Nikki left, Alex wondered if she should have mentioned anything about the whole feeling-like-she-was-being-watched thing. Pride was always a big thing with her though, even to friends, she didn't want to voice her fears. That made it real. Maybe Nikki would think she was crazy. Piper definitely would. As much as she didn't want to feel that way, admitting her weakness hindered her. By admitting her weakness, she effectively became less powerful somehow.

She went to pick up her book, to just take her away from here for a moment – but then she remembered about making Piper's birthday present. She climbed down the ladder from her bunk, ripped a piece of paper from her notepad and fumbled around until she eventually found a pen.

She decided to make a list of songs, songs that she'd put on a playlist – or if they were a grungy nineties lesbian couple – a mixtape. As she thought of the tracks "Only You" by Yaz, "You Wouldn't Like Me," by Teagan and Sara as well as "The Pussy is Mine" by Miguel. She thought about what she'd do if they were away from Litchfield today – with them coming home at 2am, tipsy from tequila, not quite ready for bed. Giddy and horny, drunkenly swaying to these songs she'd selected – looking into each other's eyes as they ground on one another. She thought about them lazily having sex on the hotel room floor, and not giving two shits that the curtains were open. She thought about Piper curling her body gently into hers, the world fuzzy, not from the alcohol but the sheer bliss of being in one another's company. She pictured the moment that Piper would turn around and look at her, her crystal blue eyes boring into hers, surrendering every inch that she was to her. She laughed to herself thinking about the crap they'd talk about with their drunken words, and they'd fall asleep with _I love you_ falling from their lips.

 _._

 _._

 _._

Piper laughed bitterly to herself at the conversation she'd just had with her family, more specifically her parents. Maybe imitating sex noises in front of them was a tad too far, but _fuck_ they were uptight. Was that was she was like? Or had been? She told them Alex was her girlfriend, Cal – as she'd known he would be, was highly supportive – but her mother, muttered _dear God_ under her breath. Her straight-laced, well-educated young daughter was now a ill-mannered criminal with a l-e-s-b-i-a-n lover. Oh, she had disgraced the family. Where had her little Piper gone? Well, that Piper had never existed, maybe she'd always been playing the sort of person her parents so dearly wanted her to be. They were so deep in their own illusions that they'd made their daughter become a fantasy. Piper didn't want to be their delusion anymore.

Something in her had snapped – she couldn't quite pinpoint the precise moment but she no longer cared about living up to anyone's standards. She'd been through so much shit lately and let down so many people that she was immune to caring what people thought about her anymore. It felt fucking fantastic. She told them she had a girlfriend that she loved – and she was one of, if not the _only_ person whose standards she gave a flying shit about. Despite being in prison, Piper felt free in a way. Liberated from the person she would never be. That stunt she'd pulled with them was the final straw. They looked at her as though they didn't know her at all. Maybe she didn't know herself anymore.

That morning she'd been thinking, who the fuck was Piper Chapman? What did she have to show of being on the planet for thirty-two years? Money? Marriage? A mortgage? Did that even mean shit? Who was this woman now that she saw in the mirror, the pale, thin, ghost-eyed woman who held no real value on her own life anymore? She was scared of the fact that everything was beginning to feel more and more distant from her, her world now was so small – almost inexistent. She found that she stopped caring about the fact she woke up to people shouting, clattering – with guards passing in and out of her cube. The only thing she could hold on to, the only person that elicited pure joy from her – the person that warmed up her numb heart, was Alex. With Alex she _felt_ she lived, she flourished. With her she had a heart that was worth giving away. However, she couldn't help feeling that it was dangerous, to love a person this passionately, this fiercely – with everything she had, she poured and poured herself into her so she had _nothing_ left. To give yourself completely to a person, was terrifying, and she wasn't sure if Alex was ready to put both feet in. She'd called her _her girlfriend_. That made her sound flimsy and disposable. She was so much more. Piper was terrified that if Alex left her – everything ounce of her being would leave with her. She'd be lonely and lifeless. She feared that she'd give up completely.

Maybe she was being irrational, or stupid. Alex had said no more bullshit, no more lies – yet Piper was still insecure. She worried that this old Piper she seemed to be losing was the one that Alex loved. Of course she was still herself, in many ways – but what if the fundamental things, were the things that Alex held on to. Caring was making Piper weak, she needed to thicken her skin and stop wearing her heart on her sleeve. She needed her heart somewhere that she could keep it safe.

.

.

.

" _Fuck. Pipes, stop being so pissy. What's wrong with you?"_

" _Nothing. Would you just stop? Leave me alone."_

" _Is this because I came home late last night? Because if it is then you need to grow up. It's my job. I'm sick of having this same fight."_

" _Jesus, Al. It's not that. Just drop it."_

 _Of course she wouldn't drop it. Alex was ruthless. Since they'd arrived in Berlin, they'd had the best two weeks – Alex had only had to leave once, and that was last night. Apart from that they'd had a perfect, blissful uninterrupted vacation. A vacation on a vacation, in Piper's case. She'd been happy, ridiculously so – she was glowing, Alex noticed. That may or may not have been related to the frequent late-night lovemaking, for hours upon euphoric hours. It was glorious. They talked, they fucked, they read, they were perfect conventional tourists and man, did they laugh. They laughed to the point of tears at things that to an outsider, would not even raise a smirk, but they were so close – so intimate, that they had a private language between them._

 _Today however, Piper did not wake up with a smile. Her responses to Alex were two words at most. Alex tried to shake it off – but she couldn't. Even though Piper knew she was pretty soft on the inside, she didn't want her to know she'd basically converted her to mush. She didn't want her to know that when she asked her girlfriend what was wrong, she was afraid of hearing her say she'd had enough. That this was a mistake. She wanted to go home. It wasn't like Alex to need reassurance, she was supposed to be free, easy and composed. She wasn't supposed to fall in love and depend on someone. But she had. It was Piper that wanted constant reassurance, or so she thought. Alex had subtle ways of reassuring herself, the odd hand-squeeze here, the kiss on the cheek there. Simple things. Loving things. She hadn't worried that much until today._

" _Piper," Alex paused, "just tell me."_

" _Fine."_

" _Well… don't leave me hangin' here." She tried to sound calm, unconcerned – she fiddled with her glasses, masking her eyes._

" _It's my birthday."_

" _What do you mean?" She replied stupidly._

" _Usually when I say it's my birthday, I mean, it's a slight indicator that it's my birthday." Piper snapped._

" _Shit." Alex's stomach churned. "Fuck! I'm sorry I forgot Pipes."_

 _Piper exhaled deeply. "Whatever. It's no big deal anyway."_

" _Clearly it is a big deal because you're acting like a bitch." The brunette retorted. Fuck. She shouldn't be snarky right now. She'd forgotten her girlfriend's birthday._

 _Piper unusually, did not return with a quip. She got up suddenly, moved past Alex and went to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her softly, the door clicked and she sat on the edge of the bath. She wasn't surprised that Alex had forgotten really, she'd only mentioned it once or twice in the past week._

 _No. Fuck. It wasn't okay. It wasn't fair._

 _She got that they weren't all that conventional in a lot of aspects. It wasn't her birthday she really cared about, turning twenty-three held no thrill for her – she just thought that it might be a bit more significant to someone who cared about her. That's what annoyed her so much about special occasions, there was always so much expectation – anticipation – the sense that people would go out of their way to make that day special. This year, she'd been rather excited to see what it'd be like to spend her birthday with the woman she loved. It was nothing special, apparently. She felt deflated._

" _Piper?" Alex tentatively knocked on the door, she didn't wait for a response and marched into the tiny white-tiled, en-suite bathroom. The little room was smaller when she walked in, her tall frame making the room shrink in comparison. Piper waited for one of her remarks, but instead Alex just looked at her, her face uncharacteristically contorted with guilt and regret. The silence stretched between them, until she spoke again. "I'm sorry. Pipes. Look at me, would you? You know I care. I just got so wrapped up in that assignment yesterday."_

" _You don't care." She childishly replied. "Forget it."_

" _Quit it, would you. I said I was sorry." Unrighteous anger sprang forth, Alex swallowed it away. "I'll make it up to you."_

" _You don't have to do anything." She felt like the air was leaving the room, she wanted to follow it. She got to her feet slowly. "I was stupid to think it would matter to you."_

" _Fuck you." Damn it, the anger returned._

" _No. Fuck you. I need some air." Alex was powerless but to watch as Piper pushed past her. She didn't know what to say._

 _Fuck her?_

 _No. She was the bitch here. She didn't often accept blame, she liked to push it away – this was her fault though. She was a terrible girlfriend. Shit, in fact. She sat numbly where Piper had just been. She heard the hotel room door close. She exhaled._

 _Well – it was pointless crying about it. She would make it up to her. They'd been so, so happy this past fortnight – not that they weren't always blissfully content, but they'd had two uninterrupted weeks of_ them. _No work, no drama – just them. It was heaven – however, when Alex got that call from Fahri, the peace was shattered. Now she'd come back and fucked up majorly. She had no doubt, in Piper's mind, she had all but confirmed her suspicions that her job came first. It didn't though, she didn't understand. The job was something she_ had _to do. She was in too deep now. Piper was her centre, everything else just orbited around her, but much like herself – Piper was insecure, or maybe just didn't value herself enough to realise that she was loved. She was important. She was everything. She would have to show her, she'd have to swallow her pride and the fear of showing her sensitive side, she needed to show Piper how much she meant to her._

 _Two and a half hours later, Piper stood outside the hotel room door. She'd wandered about unhappily around the foreign streets for the past few hours, before collapsing on a park bench, admittedly, yes, feeling sorry for herself. She was entitled to a pity party. That was apparently the only party she was going to get._

 _No, she didn't want a huge fuck-off celebration. She just wanted to feel appreciated._

 _Eventually, she couldn't think of anywhere else to go, so she reluctantly returned. If she was being honest, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. Maybe she'd taken off. Maybe she'd – she opened the door, instead of being greeted by the dingy hotel-room darkness, she was met with a strange lighting. She opened the door completely. Her jaw dropped. The whole room was illuminated with flickering tea-lights, on the window-sill, the dresser – the counters and the cheap microwave. Shadows of objects flashed on the walls. Soft grungy music Piper couldn't quite place tinkled in the next room. She could smell burning. It was then she noticed the trail of tea lights leading to their temporary bedroom, bewildered, thrilled – excited, she shut the main door behind her and moved slowly towards the slightly open bedroom door. Her heart thundered in her chest as she approached, her eyes straying to the candles as they illuminated her bare legs. She was in complete shock that Alex had done something like this – it was –_

" _Hey." She heard Alex's husky voice utter._

 _Piper stood and stared at the room, there were somehow even more candles in here – her eyes wandered to the bedside table, where she saw two empty glasses standing next to a bottle of wine. Her gaze roamed from that to – holy shit, a half-naked Alex in lingerie – she never wore fancy underwear. Not by choice, anyway. Her pale, deliciously long legs were folded over one another, her arms were pulled back supporting her weight – Piper wasn't sure if it was intentional or not but this made her ample breasts jut out. The fabric barely covered her generous cleavage, her chest rising and falling in anticipation, the crimson bra – Piper's eyes trailed down her gorgeous body - matched the panties. An electric shock shot through Piper's centre. Wow. This was hot. Beyond hot. Fuck. Her eyes finally reached Alex's, she looked confident – but Piper could see the nervous sheen on her forehead, the uneasy glint in her eye._

" _Fuck." Piper breathed. "Jesus fuck. Al – you look…" Words weren't her best friend right now._

" _Happy Birthday, Pipes." Her voice – combined with the very little clothing she was wearing made Piper's head spin, and her own panties – suddenly very wet. Alex continued as Piper moved towards her, "I'm so sorry I forgot. I – also, if you tell anyone about this I'll fucking kill you, okay?" Her voice dropped an octave in warning._

 _Piper grinned. "Trying to start a fire? How long did it take you to light all of those?"_

" _A really fucking long time. Look…" She indicated towards the glasses, "I even bought wine. Sophisticated, huh?" Piper was struggling to focus on her words, her attention was grabbed by those beautiful breasts._

" _Piper Chapman." Alex cocked a brow. "Are you staring at my tits?"_

" _Yes." She looked back up at her, "can you blame me when you're wearing that?"_

" _No, I guess not." She inched closer to the bedside dresser, and popped the cork on the wine. She did that arousing thing of letting her tongue lick away the excess wine that spilled over the side. The glasses clinked as Alex poured the rose liquid into the glass. "Wine?"_

" _Sure." Piper was still stunned._

" _You okay there, kid?" The brunette asked as she handed her the glass, which she accepted and gulped readily._

" _You look so hot." Piper admitted, and then blushed._

" _I never thought I'd find myself doing this. I – I was shitty to you, and I'm sorry, Pipes. You don't deserve that. I told you I'd make it up to you, and well," she gestured at the room around them, "I hope I have." Swallowing her pride was harder than Alex thought, she was pretty exposed like this, both physically and mentally – but somehow, she didn't care. She wanted to make Piper happy, she wanted to make Piper understand how much she meant to her. She'd gone way overboard, and she'd never, ever made a romantic gesture in her life before, but it just felt so… right. If anyone knew Vause had gone this soft, she'd be a dead woman. "Okay…" She reached behind her. "Don't you dare fucking laugh but I made you this."_

 _She held in her slightly shaking hands, a rather flat looking sponge cake that was more than a little charred around the edges. It read, "Happy Birthday P," with a single candle poked rather forcefully in the middle._

" _I couldn't quite fit the rest of your name on." Slowly Alex's eyes moved up to Piper's. "I can't cook for shit."_

 _Piper's heart all but exploded in her chest, a vibrant warmth filled her. She was so in awe, so humbled and surprised by this woman. She felt so touched that Alex would do this for her. The love for her she felt took off and erupted in her heart like a firework. "Alex. It's perfect. I can't believe you did all of this."_

" _Neither can I, actually. I'm surprised I didn't start a fire. Hang on, let me light this candle."_

" _Do you have a lighter?" Piper's eyes strayed to the numerous tealights._

" _Fuck off." Alex smirked. She grabbed the lighter on the side and set the candle alight. "If you think I'm going to sing happy birthday, you've got another thing coming."_

 _Piper's eyes held hers lovingly, she closed her eyes and blew. The smoke went towards Alex and steamed up her glasses, she pushed them on her head and laughed._

" _I forgive you." Piper said, opening them again._

" _I should think so, too! Do you realise how much effort this took?" She put the cake on the floor beside the bed. "Don't suppose you wanted a slice, did you?"_

" _um," the blonde smirked, "I think I'll pass."_

" _Do you not like my cooking, honey?"_

" _Is that a trick question?"_

" _Shut up." Alex whispered, closing the gap between them, she was suddenly very aware that she was in her underwear and of Piper's eyes greedily taking her in. She kissed her passionately, tasting the salt on her tongue – biting her lip before trailing kisses down her body. "Strip." She instructed. Piper did as she was told, and removed every item of clothing without averting her gaze from her girlfriend's. Alex felt herself grow hotter, wetter._

 _Piper knelt before her in her underwear, Alex kissed her again, right below her earlobe – her breathing laboured, she whispered into her ear, "I'm going to make you come so many times tonight - that you're gonna forget your own name."_

 _._

 _._

 _._

Alex was sat on her bunk reading, when Piper walked in past Demarco and Sister Ingalls playing cards – her aura of don't-fuck-with-me-today was evident the second her eyes connected with Alex's. It already made her smile – she didn't mean to be patronising but there was something about a grumpy Piper that just seemed so amusing, and also made her pretty horny, if she was being honest.

She got up the ladder awkwardly.

"Need a little help there?" Alex smirked.

"No I'm fine." The blonde snapped. She sat down beside her and was silent for a moment. The brunette looked at her with an amused expression. "I called you my girlfriend." She suddenly said.

Alex's heart jumped. "What? To who?"

"My parents – and my brother – and my brother's wife."

She exhaled, suppressing a grin. "That's a bold move, Chapman."

"I know. I didn't even mean to say it. It just…" her eyes searched hers "came out. And now – I can't stop thinking about it –"

"Do you want to pass me a note, and have me circle a yes or a no?" Alex's smirk turned into a smile, God she was _sexy_ when she was all serious and nervous.

"I'm not asking you to be my girlfriend."

"Oh no?" She laughed and watched Piper try and deflect.

"No – of course not, I just thought – I thought that it was weird." Her rambling was adorable.

" _Totally_ weird." She enjoying Piper's discomfort. She felt a thrilling sense of anticipation as she feigned disinterest. She put on her glasses and picked up her book. "You know the Qur'an is turning out to be more interesting than I would have guessed. Technically – I'm not supposed to be touching it, but I did wash my hands first so I decided that Allah would be cool with it –"

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Piper blurted.

Alex laughed, _finally._ "Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yes, you idiot." She smiled at the blonde, giddy with happiness.

Piper felt everything within her light up. She turned to the two older women playing cards – keen to enthuse and spread her joy, "She said yes!"

"Good for you." DeMarco uttered.

"Mazel tov!" Sister Ingalls said without enthusiasm.

The light between them expanded and stretched. They looked at one another again, all the shit was momentarily forgotten. Piper crossed one leg over the other and leaned in to kiss her, her hands cradling her face, the older woman's own hand placed lovingly on hers.

When the kiss broke Alex was happy to find her _girlfriend_ 's blue eyes looking at her with such – well, fuck it – love. This was how she wanted to feel all of the time. The flower of love she had been denying, squashing down, sheltering from light – she finally allowed to flourish. With light it quickly blossomed and grew, the roots had lived within her even when they broke apart – it was just waiting and hoping for the sun to come out again. Now that it had, it consumed her, it was overgrown and _beautiful_. "I have something for you… it's a non-birthday gift."

"…Okay."

Alex reached down and returned to her sitting position with a post-it note, she pushed her glasses back on her face. With that alluring smirk back on her face, she leaned closer to Piper and unfolded it.

"Here." She gave it to her, feeling a tad exposed.

"A list of songs?" Piper questioned.

"Well I couldn't make you a mix, so, I wrote down the songs I would have put on a mix, if we were like – normal people. Not weird prison _girlfriends._ " The blonde looked at her in awe – oh it was a good move, she kissed her on the cheek with a smile firmly on her face.

"Um, okay. Only You, Yaz. You Wouldn't Like Me, Teagan and Sarah." She raised her eyebrows and nodded approvingly. "The Pussy is Mine – "

"Meagal." They said together with an undertone of mirth.

Piper's smile expanded. "This is so nice. And _so_ gay." They laughed.

"I know."

"Thank you." She said, with feeling, leaning in to kiss her again.

.

.

.

It was pitch black that night in the halls of Litchfield, the guards Bell and Neil, Alex assumed, were making out behind the glass. She crept passed and followed the bends in the hallway. When she got to the laundry room, with Nikki's instructions firmly in her mind she got on the stepladder – opened the ceiling light and let the heroin rain down.

"Fuck." She whispered. She knew what to expect, it was just a shock to find that much in _prison_ of all the places.

Alex waited at least ten minutes before she went anywhere with it. She made sure the hallways were clear. The first thing she was going to do was empty it down the toilet. The prison was rather eerie at night, the halls echoed with a heavy silence, a strong sense of foreboding. If Kubra knew she was standing here now, so obviously exposed and vulnerable, she'd be dead meat. _Shut up Alex, shut up, shut up, shut up._ She felt no ounce of power with these drugs in her hands like she expected to, it felt wrong. It had to have been ten minutes by now, surely? She put two down her bra and two down in her underwear.

She'd be fine. Walking rather awkwardly, she managed to make it to the bathroom, she hurried towards the stalls, reached into her underwear and quickly started emptying the packets down the toilet. She was surprised to find herself trembling, thinking of all the times that she had felt so euphoric with this drug inside her system – but then she thought of how hopelessly wretched she felt afterwards. She flushed the chain, then quickly exited the stall.

She came face to face with the red-headed guard, Officer Bell – her eyes red and weeping. Oh great she'd had a fight with the teddy-bear. Alex braced herself.

"Inmate, what do you think you're doing?"

"Uh – using the bathroom?"

"It's strictly forbidden to use the bathroom after lights out."

"Well I needed a piss – sue me." Alex felt her old friend anger rising.

"It didn't sound like you were peeing in there. I'll ask you again, what were you doing inmate?"

"Oh fuck you." Alex said. She shouldn't have said that.

Bell pushed past her, reached down and found the empty baggies. She held it up to Alex inquisitively. Suddenly Bell was shouting into her walkie. Her shouting resonated throughout the bathroom, a sharp contrast to the silence of the prison. Alex heard more footsteps approach, she turned to find more guards behind her. Shit. Shit. _Shit._

"Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Have a fun stay in SHU, inmate." Bell said as they got hold of Alex, her usually kind face was twisted with wrath.

What the fuck?

"Get off of me!" Alex shouted, but knew it was no use. She had no choice but to go with them. She wasn't sure if she could handle herself in SHU, not yet, not when she was like this. _Damn you Nichols_ , she thought as she was dragged further and further down the hallway.

 **Well it can't be all rainbows and butterflies haha! I'm going to start changing things more after this chapter, I'm not saying bad things aren't going to happen but it'll lead to something better. I'm interested to see how I'm doing so far, so please leave a review if you have any thoughts, this is my first OITNB fic so I want to get the characters and their development right (and also keep Nikki in!)**

 **Updates won't be** _ **as**_ **quick now because I have a new job (I found a summer one – just finished my first year of uni:) But it will definitely be once a week, if not more. See you guys soon.**


	5. Episode 5

**Episode 5**

She opened her eyes expecting to see light – instead all she saw was pitch black. Groaning, she turned over on the hard mattress. Not again. Her heart started to race like it usually did – her breathing sped up. _No, no, no._ _I can't be here_ – _I've got to escape, I – can't._

 _Shut up._

 _Just shut the fuck up._

Thoughts started spinning around her head again, like wheels on a bike – but there were no breaks. Part of her wanted to close her eyes and open them again to the harsh light of day, to muddle through until she had to face the darkness again.

Part of her wanted to close her eyes and never wake up again.

Alex couldn't quite pinpoint how long she had been in here. She knew one thing. She was close to losing it, if she hadn't already – day and night blurred into one. It didn't make any difference – there was always an overwhelming, deafening silence, occasionally interrupted by a chorus of shouting and wailing, thumping pleads of " _let me out, let me out, please."_ Alex's world had become confined within those four white walls, they seemed to get smaller and smaller as the days progressed. The same things kept running through her head, over and over – she couldn't stop it. There was nothing to distract her. _God_ it would help if she was tired. If she could lay down on that cardboard mattress and just close her eyes. But she wasn't tired. She was restless. Her mind was whirling with repetitive thoughts, the same images over and over again. The cycle of events repetitively replaying itself in her mind. Nikki. The drugs. The guards.

 _Shut up, Alex, for fuck's sake._

What she wouldn't give to pick up a book, to just take her away from here even for five minutes. She had nothing. She was forced into her own reality and she couldn't stand it. She never had minded being alone – but she'd always had a book to flick through, some old movie to watch, some tequila to drink. She was being pulled under by a darkness and it was a constant battle to stop herself from falling into it.

Although, the one tiny silver lining was that, in here she felt a little safer from the threat of Kubra. She couldn't stop thinking about it though, of course he wouldn't just let it go. She was a grass. He'd trusted her completely – never doubting her loyalty. She'd betrayed him. He liked to play the long game and make her suffer. The bastard wanted to worm his way into her head.

He'd send someone in here. She was sure of it. It was just a matter of time.

Or was she being paranoid like Piper had kindly suggested?

When she first arrived in SHU – she thought maybe about five or six days ago, it might even have been a week. It was the dead of night. The guards had slung her in there without a second thought, to her embarrassment upon reflection, she had screamed obscenities at them in a fit of rage, hurling abuse at them - until they eventually got away. That first night was one of the worst nights she could ever remember having. She had laid with her glasses abandoned on the floor beside her, staring at the ceiling. Why the fuck had she said yes to Nikki and got herself into shit once again? What would Piper think? She imagined her girlfriend's disappointed expression, _oh Alex._

All Alex had heard that night was the blood-curdling screaming coming from a woman in the cell beside her, each time she tried to close her eyes the screeches penetrated her eardrum. " _Please. Please. Get me out."_

She didn't know when she had stopped hearing it. It was most definitely still there, the high-pitched banshee cry of a forgotten woman – it frightened her that she had managed blocked it out. Had she finally gone insane? The only confirmation she received of time passing were the strange blocks of food being pushed through the door.

 _Fuck._ She was so fucking lonely.

Oh and - here was another one – a tray appeared through the postbox-sized gap, and a hand. A human hand. A person. A week in here without seeing another soul felt like an eternity. Part of her had often thought she would be happier without other people, that she'd enjoy being alone. But shit, she'd sit here with Pennsatucky if she had to.

She sat down on the floor, at this point she really didn't care what the fuck she was eating. Alex was starving. It looked a bit like macaroni but then it could have been a Thai green curry. She picked it up in sheer disgust, like she usually did, it was as solid as a brick. Nothing surprising there.

Then she noticed something. There was a piece of lined paper folded beneath it.

Was she hallucinating?

Surely not.

She felt the thin paper between the tips of her fingers. It was real. With pale trembling fingers, Alex reached behind herself for her glasses – her fingers clumsily sliding along the filthy floor until they closed around the frames. She placed them on the bridge of her nose and returned her attention to the paper. _It could be nothing – just an accident._ Even as she told herself that, how could that be true? Who accidentally dropped a piece of paper beneath a pile of wretched food?

She unfolded it slowly. Her heart leapt at the familiar handwriting. The words were wound tightly together because the paper was so small, barely bigger than the palm of her hand, the edges were jagged as though it had been ripped. Alex stopped her eyes from running over the page to the last word, slowly, she began to read,

 _Alex. I'm so sorry you ended up there. Nikki told me everything. I won't let you stay in there. I'm doing everything I can. I miss you. Please stay strong and remember I'm waiting for you._

Then squashed really small at the bottom of the page was a final sentence.

 _I heart you_ _I love you. Pipes xx_

She felt her heart lift. How the fuck had Piper managed to get that in here? Alex smiled for the first time in almost a week. She was transported, she closed her eyes and thought of Piper. She thought about holding her, her own arms wrapped around her girlfriend's slender waist, pressing her cheek against hers – the warmth comforting her. She thought of all those nights she'd never truly appreciated Piper's slumbering body lying next to hers, her blonde hair fanned around the pillow – her face smooth and untroubled.

She opened her eyes and her heart dropped, she was back there in SHU – a bolt of agony seared through her chest. She missed her so much. She thought about how much time they'd wasted fucking around – how all of those long, empty lonely days she'd endured could have been filled with an intoxicatingly beautiful light.

She placed one of her own hands in the other, imagining Piper's hand holding hers.

Was this what she was reduced to? Stroking her own hand for comfort?

Fuck.

She hoped Piper was right. She prayed that by some miracle, she'd get out of here soon.

* * *

Piper strode to Healy's office for the umpteenth time that week, hoping that today would be different. Her shoes squeaked against the polished floor as she moved with a forceful sense of determination. She opened his door. He didn't look surprised to see her. He sighed. "Chapman."

"Mr Healy." She nodded at him, and didn't bother sitting down.

"Nothing has changed. Not since this morning." His lips arranged into a grim line.

"Sir. It's not fair. You have _no_ grounds on which to hold Alex Vause." She spat.

"I've told you about a million times, _inmate_. It's out of my hands."

"Bull _shit._ "

"Chapman…" He was getting impatient.

"Healy. It's been a whole week. No one has investigated this. You have _no_ proof that those baggies belonged to her. They could have been left by another inmate. It's not fucking fair. Not to mention…"

"Get out! I've had enough. Stop coming here."

"Not until she's out." Her eyes narrowed.

"Out." He hissed.

"Fuck you."

"You want to join her in SHU?"

Giving him one last withering look she slammed the door and walked away. She'd see him again tomorrow morning. It had been the same routine every single day for the past week.

Life was empty without Alex, it hurt Piper to imagine the mental pain she was in, locked in that one claustrophobic room that Piper knew all too well. How you suddenly became your own worst enemy, how your grip on your sanity quickly became very loose. How the walls were so white that it had made her head hurt. She couldn't bear to think of Alex in hurting, she didn't want to ever be away from her.

Why had Alex been so dumb? Did it give her some sort of thrill to get into trouble?

She thought back to that morning last week when she'd gone looking for Alex – and found her bunk empty. Nikki had told her what happened. _She's gone._ Piper had felt the world stop – her breathing slowed whilst she digested the news. She thought about the fragile state that Alex had been in before she left, if you spent long enough in SHU you'd crumble. It was _her_ fault she was in here. Okay, so she hadn't actually carried the drugs herself but she might as well have. Pain seared through her heart as she thought about it for the hundredth time that day.

God she hoped she got that note. It was such a risky move, but she knew that Red had connections in this place, she and Red were okay now (after the little-whit- lie incident), they had a new honesty policy – and Piper had to admit, it felt good to be truthful. Being friends and bunkmates with Red had its perks. The Russian woman had been in this prison for a _long_ time. She knew where the weaknesses lay – what buttons to push. She knew how to move things. Piper had been feeling so low, and useless – it was her fucking fault. She wanted Alex to have something, something to hold on to. Not that she assumed that a little note from her would shift Alex's whole frame of mind, but she _needed_ to feel like she was helping in some way. She wanted Alex to know that she actually gave a shit about her. She wasn't just going to let her rot in there. She'd die before that happened.

Piper couldn't help but see, even though Alex had been really fucking senseless, she'd been helping out her friend. Nikki had asked her out of pure desperation. She hadn't meant to put Alex in harm's way, but Piper was still mad at her.

To be fair, Nikki seemed pretty pissed at herself.

Piper needed something to take her mind of off it – just for an hour, something to give her ticking mind a release, a distraction. She was in luck. Today the prison was going crazy with rumours about a new job assignment and apparently they needed to take some sort of test. Maybe she needed a new challenge.

Not that long after her visit to Healy, Piper found herself in the canteen surrounded by all of the other inmates. She sat at the table with Nikki, Morello, Red and some of the others. The canteen was filled with the nervous mutters of the inmates, she could hear Crazy Eyes chanting to herself from the next table.

"My _mind_ is a temple. My _mind_ can do this. I cleaned the floors today so my _mind_ is clear. I can do this." Her fingers kneaded her temples.

"Suzanne, shut the fuck up girl." Taystee said. "None of this means shit anyway."

Papers were handed out and a gradual hush fell over the room. Piper opened the paper and read the questions. What the fuck? None of it made any sense.

"'Ideas are more important than real things.'" Nikki said with wide, incredulous eyes, "What kind of fucked up shit is this?"

"Shh!" The blonde said.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Chapman? Stop taking it so seriously." Nikki looked at Morello and they shared a smile. Same old Chapman.

"Well excuse me for trying."

"What did you put for number four?"

"Fuck off!" Much to the bemused glances of the others, Piper moved away from them – and slid backwards so that she was sitting up against the wall. She looked down at the paper, she was usually good at switching off when it came to things like this – but Alex, fucking Alex was all that she could see, all that she could think, all that she could hear. Stuck in that horrible little room. Her heart was hollow in her chest.

She couldn't think straight. She might as well have been locked in that room herself.

"Will you stop sighing?" Said the Spanish woman next to her.

"Fuck you." Piper snapped without thinking.

"Inmate." The guard warned.

Even though her mind was ticking away, Piper managed to read through some of the questions, for the most part she ticked random boxes and hoped for the best. None of this fucking mattered when she was in there. As much as she tried to put her mind at rest, she just couldn't. She couldn't breathe.

She was suddenly filled with a piping-hot rage – fuck the stupid justice system, Alex was a human being. Guilt rose in her once more. She should be doing more, she should be doing something. What could she do? Who could she speak to to make this right? She already knew the answer. Nothing and no one. She was just a lowly inmate, with no power.

With power, she'd be heard. She raised her head and put it against the wall, she dropped her paper to the floor in defeat.

"Finished inmate?"

"Yeah, I'm done."

* * *

" _So is that a yes, you'll go out with me?" The boy said, a nervous smile playing on his lips._

" _I guess." Alex shrugged. "…Yeah."_

" _Jeez, Alex. You could sound a bit more enthusiastic."_

" _I'm sorry. It's just this fucking test – fuck." She sighed. "I'll see you at the diner after school, yeah?"_

" _Great!" He said. She walked away and raised an eyebrow to herself - who said stuff like that?_ Great? _The only people she thought uttered such ridiculous words were fucking teachers, or doctors. No one else should. She overgrown and angry, with very few friends – she had broken glasses and cast off clothes, and somehow a boy had asked her out. Sam. She should be – grateful, right? She had hung around with him, and a few other boys for the past few weeks, they were in her biology class – they'd bonded over the useless teacher, and the giggling girls at the back of the class. Alex had no time for giggling girls. She'd never been great at having female friends, she was just too impatient. The gossip, the drama – the childishness over petty boys. It held no allure for her._

 _Stupid Jessica Wedge – she'd let her get under her skin, why hadn't she had a boyfriend yet? Had she even had her first kiss?_

 _Sad, sad little virgin._

 _She told herself she didn't care, that she couldn't give a flying fuck if she'd had a boyfriend or not. Yet, at night she found herself thinking about it. She thought about it when her mom was at work and when she was sitting alone again with her books. It was stupid, to think that she needed someone. She was fine by herself, and yet… she wondered._

 _She had never been interested in anyone, really. She tried – liking a boy, it was too much effort, too much energy._

 _She imagined of Jessica's face when she heard that Alex Vause, yeah, that Alex Vause had gone out with Sam Gilbert. She had to try, right?_

 _So she said yes._

 _After school, she found herself sitting opposite Sam in the stuffy little diner across the street. She studied his open countenance, his easy body language, sparkling eyes and floppy hair. She felt nothing. Why had_ he _asked_ her _out? Alex didn't get it. She couldn't really understand how her poor-little-nerdy-girl appeal grasped him. Her personality, she admitted, wasn't exactly a winner either. She had a short temper, she was rude, sarcastic and often, cold and distant. Maybe it was the intrigue of her, maybe it was the mystery – either way, and he was here._

 _He was nervous. His eyes were shifty. She held her own palms upwards and looked at them closely. Dry._

 _Should she be nervous?_

" _So uh, how'd the test go?" Sam looked pretty satisfied with the topic he'd chosen._

" _Shit." She looked down and read the menu. "Please tell me when in life I am going to use quadratic equations?"_

" _I know." He shrugged. "It makes no sense. I think I did okay though. I actually studied for once."_

 _Alex wasn't pleased to find that holding a conversation required so much effort. "Did you?" He_ had _asked her out, so she might as well be herself. "I don't see the point in contributing to society's unattainable expectations of young people." She put on a posh accent. "You simply_ must _pull your hair out over this test, you must know what X equals or you will be a fuck up for the rest of your life."_

 _He seemed slightly taken aback by her observation. "Right." He said. "You wanna order?"_

 _The waitress came over, she had a chic brunette bob and a pencil tucked behind her ear._

" _What can I get you?" She asked._

 _Sam opened his mouth, ready to speak, but Alex cut across him, "I'll have the hot dog and fries – he'll have," she regarded him, "the same." He opened his mouth and closed it again. The waitress nodded, Alex thanked her and the young woman walked back to the bar._

" _You like taking control, huh?" He smiled tightly._

"… _Yeah."_

 _She had no desire to make an effort, he was nice sure, but he was a bit of a wet lettuce. She knew how the girls lusted after him, yet she couldn't fathom why. He started a conversation about his home life, his mom, his dad – his sister. She was half-listening as her eyes trailed down his newly muscular body._ Nothing. _She imagined pulling off of his shirt, and running her fingers down his body. It felt wrong. It felt forced._

 _She nodded here and there to give the impression that she was listening. He was quite the talker. As he spoke, she felt her gaze shifting behind him to the door of the diner as it opened. A gentle breeze came in followed by a small group of girls, about three of them – two were short and brunette, the other was tall and blonde. Instantly, she had Alex entranced. She had long spiralling hair down her slender back, and, long, thin delicate legs – and as she turned towards Alex, the brunette regarded the marvel further. She had prominent cheekbones, a pointed jaw - mesmerising blue eyes, and a dewy, glowing complexion. Something about her said,_ get to know me. _The way she dressed seemed effortless, a blue tank top slung on over a pair of light blue jeans, Alex found her eyes drifting to her slightly tanned, bare shoulders. She felt her breathing slow, her body stiffen as an electric pulse shot right from her chest to her centre. She felt her cheeks redden. Her eyes connected briefly with the other teenager's and her heart momentarily stopped, something within her thawed. The blonde dropped her eyes and walked past with her friends. The moment was over._

 _Alex felt as though the air had been knocked out of her. Jesus fuck._

" _Alex… Alex? Hell-o, are you listening?"_

 _She was jolted right back to the present. Oh. Sam. Right. "Shit. I was distracted, sorry."_

" _It's okay." He said with a softness that riled her._

 _Why was she_ here? _Because she was so insecure about not liking boys? Because of Jessica Wedge – and what she said about her? What the fuck did her opinions matter? She wasn't enjoying herself. Fuck. She had no interest in him._

 _She had no interest in men._

 _She knew it, and had known it for a long time – yet because of a few petty teenage girls she was trying to force herself to be something that she wasn't. At what cost?_

 _Her happiness._

 _She wasn't fucking happy. She was bored beyond tears, and it wasn't fair to this poor monotonous boy. She knew why she felt nothing as her eyes again drifted down his body. He was the wrong gender._

 _He didn't have delicate features, or breasts – or, at least not to her knowledge, a pussy. It was all wrong. Why was now the moment she finally decided enough was enough? Maybe she'd had a glimpse into her future, and release how very fucked-up it would be. She realised how much she didn't want it. She wanted fire, and danger – and a woman._

 _He was still talking. She nodded again, and laughed – more at herself than at him. She was so fucking dumb! Why did it matter what a preppy little soon-to-be teen mom thought of her? She was done. Done with this shit._

 _She thought of the blonde girl, her facial features already fading in her mind – but she had wakened something within her that she had forced to stay dormant. Not anymore._

 _Fuck that shit._

 _She wondered how he hadn't picked up on her sudden change of mood. Here he was, open, expressive – why was he still here? She was dark and uninterested._

 _She couldn't stop thinking about that girl's body. She imagined her writhing beneath her – kissing her, touching her_ there. _It felt right._

 _It wasn't just this very moment, it had been a collection of moments her whole life. Everything had just connected at that instant. She didn't feel fear, or surprise – she felt relief. Why had she been denying who she was? She looked at Sam. This wasn't what she wanted._

" _Sam." She stopped him mid-sentence, he looked mildly displeased at her interruption._

" _Yeah?"_

" _I'm gay." She said simply._

" _What?"_

" _I – I'm sorry for wasting your time." It felt euphoric, actually saying it. She stood up, her chair squeaking in protest._

 _Well, it was pointless wasting anymore of it._

 _He looked at her with his jaw hanging open, then slowly closed it again, as though he had known all along. "It was worth a try."_

* * *

 _The weekend was over and Alex had returned to school. She walked through the halls with her head held high – it felt as though the past few days she had let out one long, deep breath. She felt free. She didn't feel weighed down. She was aware of some of the students looking at her with open interest, some with curiosity, some with surprise – others were just plain rude._

 _She got to her locker, a wonderful feeling of exhilaration filling her chest. She'd spoken to Sam and the rest of the boys over the weekend, they were cool with it. Not that they had any reason not to be. It was no one else's business but her own. Her mom's reaction was not even a reaction at all, she was actually rather uninterested. There was only one more obstacle left to overcome._

 _Jessica Wedge approached, followed by her stereotypical golden-haired clan._

 _Ugh, how cliché – Alex grimaced. She didn't feel the same dread anymore. Jessica wasn't even taller than her any longer, in fact, Alex now had a good four inches on her._

" _I hear you're a dyke now, Alex. What? Couldn't get any boys to actually like you and your junk-yard wardrobe? – you're disgusting."_

 _The other girls laughed in unison behind her. Alex moved closer to her, realisation dawning of how pathetically powerless this girl was. Jessica's shoulders rose a little as she approached – but she continued her list of insults. "No matter what gender you prefer, no one is going to want you and your bobos. Stupid bent bitch."_

" _You're right." Alex spat, eyebrows rising. "I am a dyke. A real-life lesbian." She moved closer to her again, so that she was right next to the girl's ear. "What – you scared, Jessica? Or are you actually in love with me?" She let herself smile this time, pulling back to look into the girl's wide eyes, "are you terrified that you might actually-" she trailed her eyes down the blonde's scrawny body "like me licking your pussy? That I'd make you cum so much more than that fuck-wit boyfriend of yours - that I'd make you gay too?" All of the pent up anger, aggression and fear that she'd felt about Jessica over the years came pouring out. Had she really been afraid of this weak little wretch?_

" _Fuck off." Jessica said._

" _Yeah, I think you should." She drew herself up to full height. "Fuck you. Making other people feel smaller than those tits of yours. Come back and see me when you've hit puberty, you homophobic cunt." With that, she gave her one last condescending glare and she walked away and felt that last, heavy weight on her heart fly free._

* * *

Piper was neither surprised nor disappointed to find that she had been selected to do this new 'special' assignment. To be frank, she had other things on her mind. She imagined in different circumstances that she might have been excited, thrilled even to have a new project to sink her teeth into. She still couldn't focus on anything. She didn't even want to.

She found that the anger was good to hold on to – it was better than crying constantly. Especially in prison. Sadness made you week. Anger made you strong. A scary, twisted part of her enjoyed snapping at everyone and pushing them away. It made it easier for her to deal with her emotions.

Alex's departure had only fuelled the sudden rage she was starting to feel. The urge to just say _fuck you_ to everyone and everything. Nothing was going right and that made her want to shove her fist through a wall.

She was not only fucking up her own life, she was fucking up Alex's. What gave her the right to do that? Had she really put her girlfriend in more danger? She had thought she was keeping her safe, but before Alex had left she had been so uncharacteristically afraid and paranoid.

There was no way Kubra or any of his associates could get in here, right?

Right.

She followed the rest of the people that had been selected for the new assignment, she looked with as much curiosity as she could muster when the doors opened. _Oh._ Sewing machines, lots and lots of sewing machines. She listened as they explained to the inmates about making underwear.

So she'd have to work in some sort of panty sweat-shop?

Brilliant.

* * *

As the day drew to a close, Piper walked to her bunk – she paused at the corner when she saw Healy talking animatedly to Red. A rare gem of a smile appearing on his face. His usually cold, inquisitive eyes were filled with – oh, god – really? Healy had a – she struggled to find the middle-aged version of the word _crush_. Gross.

Red grinned at Healy in return, but not with the same open, genuine fondness.

Oh. Was that why, that very morning, Red had been asking about her appearance? Piper had, for once, given her some honest advice and was surprised to find that Red had followed it. She looked rather odd and without her spiky red hair.

The idea Piper already had gathered in her mind blossomed further. She walked back to her bunk.

* * *

Red returned about fifteen minutes later to find Piper waiting expectantly.

"What is it, Blondie?" She raised an eyebrow before slumping down on her bed, showing none of the earlier shine she had radiated.

"I need to ask you a favour." Piper said slowly.

"Another one? I already sent that letter to your girlfriend. Enough."

"Red. Please hear me out, okay?"

"Ugh. Fine."

"I noticed that you've been getting closer to Healy. He likes you, right?" The desperation in her tone grew.

"I guess." Red's expression remained impassive.

"Do you think there's _any_ way that you could convince him to let Alex out? Because without him, I don't think they'd let her out any time soon. Please. Please. Help me, Red." Unwanted tears fell down her face.

Red sighed. "What makes you think he'd listen to me, huh?"

"I – I can see it in his eyes, he's falling in love with you."

Red remained unfazed. "Look. Blondie. As much as I'd like to help you, I've already done you one favour, which you did not deserve because you lied to me. But I helped you anyway. I've got a reputation to uphold. Don't you understand?"

"Yes but - _I love her, Red._ "

"And what can you offer in return?"

"This is what I was getting to. I've got an idea. It might sound fucked up but…" she leant towards Red with such a fierce expression that it almost shocked her companion, "I was working on the sewing machine today, and, I noticed that with each pair of panties I make – there's extra material left over, they just expect me to throw it away. So I thought that they wouldn't notice if I made an extra pair every single time…"

"Where are you going with this?" Red grew impatient.

"Well – there's some fucked up people out there who like to smell underwear. It happened to me once, actually – but I won't go into that. I thought that we could get the inmates to wear them, and then we could smuggle them out and sell them to all of those creeps."

Red looked at her with slightly intrigued, weary eyes. "Why would I be interested in that?"

"You'd get your reputation back. You'd make money to give to your husband, your sons – you could help them start up the business again."

"With a few smelly panties?"

"You'd be surprised. I bet Luschek would help us – my brother could set up a website."

"You really gave this a lot of thought, huh?"

She really had. As she had sat there on the sewing machines, contemplating what to do with the extra materials – the idea hit her. Until she saw Red with Healy, she didn't think about it properly, but it'd be perfect.

If Healy was so fond of Red, then surely he'd agree to free Alex after a bit of Red-style manipulation. She'd known Red wouldn't help her again on a whim, but she had this idea to trade – and it might actually _work._ Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was useless – and maybe, just maybe it wouldn't make any difference at all, but it was a hell of a lot better than not trying. She'd be _damned_ if she let Alex just stay in there, it wasn't just her conscience playing on her mind – it was because she loved her, so purely, so deeply and passionately, that she couldn't bear the thought of her locked away. She missed her so much it was cutting her from the inside. Since they had come clean with one another, and finally, _finally_ opened up their hearts to one another. They had become one. It wasn't like their relationship ten years ago, because they both knew what they had lost, all those years apart – all of that yearning, that mourning – that empty heartbreak. That moment they'd shared changed everything, in the dingy light of the prison library – they decided stop the bullshit - everything they had gone through all of a sudden made it worth it. It became the strongest kind of love. Piper wasn't letting her go.

She would never fucking let go. Alex was the love of her life. She was done being a pussy. She knew what she wanted and she wanted to fight for it. Fight for her.

Red contemplated it. "I have to admit. I think it's a clever idea. Disgusting, yes – but genius."

"So you'll help?"

"I'll do my best."

Fuck – she didn't think it'd actually work. She felt the despair slowly turn to hope.

She'd get her out of there if it was the last thing she did. Piper let a relived sigh escape her lips. " _Thank you."_ She breathed. She wanted to scream _do it now, help her now_ – go and fucking shake it out of Healy, but she understood, it would take time.

* * *

Alex let her eyes scan over the note again, and again. She hadn't much choice, she didn't have any other reading material. She tried to imagine Piper writing this message, thinking of the right words to say with her adorable face scrunched up in concentration. She imagined her overthinking it, choosing each syllable perfectly. She knew Piper wanted her to know that she was being thought of, and that made Alex feel a hell of a lot better. The only thought that was getting her through was of that woman. The thought of just seeing her again was enough to snap her out of her depressing reverie. For a few minutes at least.

Jeez, more than anything she was just bored. Alex wasn't one to idly twiddle her fingers and stare into space contemplating life, she liked to be kept busy. Her head was never the brightest of places for her to be, she tended to take hold of the bad thoughts – and as much as she didn't want to, she'd churn up the words and let them disintegrate in her mind over and over. Eating her up.

At least on the outside she could distract herself, with her little puppets, a book – a lover. Not that she'd slept with anyone else since she'd met Piper again – apart from that little fumble with Nikki. Heartbreak made her weak. She had just wanted comfort, and who better than her friend, than Nichols? The friend who she imagined was beating herself up quite a bit thinking about getting her in here. It could be worse though, Alex supposed, she could be in max.

She heard the grid open, but it wasn't even dinner time. She pulled herself up off of the floor and sat on the bed. She looked at the door and found a pair of familiar eyes staring at her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood to attention. A cold sweat formed on her upper lip. She couldn't quite place them, but she knew from the icy sensation that crawled over her body – they weren't good. The eyes were so dark that they were almost black, soulless – like an oblivion that sucked her in. They narrowed. Alex shrank against the wall. The grid closed. She stopped breathing.

 **Okay, yes, a dark chapter I know. Please have faith in me. I feel quite insecure about my writing lately -your reviews will really let me know if I'm heading in the right direction. Or if you have any points, please don't fail to let me know!**

 **Thanks for reading :)**


	6. Episode 6 - 7

**Sorry that I've taken quite a while to update – I had to go back to uni for a few days last week in Yorkshire and move some of my stuff from my halls to my new place. Not to mention my job, but hey, I've been writing a bit every day since I've got back – and now I'm back on track. This chapter incorporates things from both episode 6 and 7 of OITNB – happy reading (I hope.)**

 **Episode 6/7**

It was only seconds, but to Alex it felt as though those eyes had been boring into her own for a very long time. For once she remained rather thoughtless – suspended and frozen in fear. Time seemed to slow and each second dragged its nails along the hands of time. Her breathing sped up, her heart suddenly felt too big for her chest. This was what true terror felt like. Her limbs were numb.

As quickly as the eyes appeared, they vanished again. The brunette did not move, but felt the familiar, comforting obscenity form on her lips – as though she was exhaling a lungful of smoke, she let herself say the only word that she could, " _Fuck."_

She heard that one word echo and resonate and bounce between the filthy off-white walls of the place she now, reluctantly, called home. When that word was uttered from her lips it brought her crashing back to reality. The cogs once again started turning in her mind. Those mocking eyes. The evil eyes with the tight-knitted eyebrows above them. It was a look that said – try me, go on, I _dare_ you. It was a look that said, you are nothing – I hold all of the power.

It could have been merely a few seconds, or hours that she was sitting there staring at the door waiting for something to happen. Shock ever so slowly morphed from fear, to regret – back to shock, and then _finally_ anger. The one emotion she could deal with.

 _Fuck._ It was Aydin. Of course it was.

Why had she only now just thought of him? Why had it taken her idiot brain so long to place the eyes that she had known so well? She knew him. He knew her.

He was _here._ He was in the prison. _Fuck._

Alex shrank and pulled her arms around herself. SHU was beating her, had beaten her – was that the point? Was all of this down to Kubra? Did it all come back to him? She sank against the farthest corner of the wall – seized with sheer terror. The fear slowly seeped into her pours, finding and twisting its way around her heart – grasping it and pulling it down, and painfully so.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was a warning. It was a message that said _even the walls of a prison cannot stop me, Alex Vause. I will kill you – and soon._ A quick death was too easy for Kubra, it was too simple a punishment.

Yes, inevitably, she'd end up skewered against the wall – but, she had never underestimated him – not for a single ounce of a second. She'd suffer first. He'd make sure of that. She'd pay for her betrayal. She'd watched it happen so many times before, sometimes with mild amusement – others with disgusted shock. She'd practically been Kubra's right-hand woman. She had _felt_ that she'd known him – she knew what he was capable of. That's why it was so much worse. Alex was on the other side of it now, and it was _bitter_.

Here she was, trembling on a cold, concrete floor. Rationality, sanity – everything had escaped her. There was nothing that she could hold on to. She dug her bitten-down fingernails into the floor and scraped them along the ground. She was helpless in here. She was at her most weak and vulnerable. If Aydin had decided to kill her at that very moment, she would have been his for the taking. She was starving, sleep deprived – tittering on the edge of sanity, weak. She would have been served up to him on a plate. Not that she wouldn't have tried to fight back, of course – as vulnerable as she was right now, she was still determined, and strong – but she never even had the chance to try. Why did he just leave? Did he just want to make his presence known?

How the actual fuck had he gotten in there? How could he get into Litchfield in the first place? What the hell was going on?

This wasn't fucking fair. _Someone get me out of here,_ she angrily thought to herself. She felt as though she was standing on the edge of a cliff – a pinprick of a breeze would push her over the edge onto the jagged rocks below. She felt rage building inside her at the sheer injustice of it all. How dare they fucking leave her here! What kind of justice system did they have where they could just leave an inmate, no – a _person_ rotting in a prison cell _?_ She was locked up in here for helping out her _friend._

She was going to die in here. She was all alone.

No! _No_. This wasn't happening. She'd imagined it. She was hallucinating, surely? She was tired and hungry and paranoid.

Yet even she knew her imagination wasn't _that_ good. She'd have to be pretty fucking talented to conjure up the intensity she saw in his eyes. She had felt it. He had been there – right in front of her. His gaze cold, menacing – soul destroying.

Alex stood up. She had to get out of here. This wasn't right. She was a sitting duck here. She was shark bait – she was an accident waiting to happen. Different scenarios violently pounded in and out of her head, about him coming back and killing her in the most horrifying and degrading of ways. No way. No fucking way was she going down without a fight.

It was a while before she released, with surprise that the desperate wails she could hear were coming from herself. The cries mirrored that of her noisy neighbours, she couldn't differentiate anymore. She was one of them. Another person left out in the cold.

"Let me out! Fucking let me out! You _can't_ leave me here."

The rage combined with fear distorted her into something else. She _radiated_ heat, her fingers trembled, her heart – felt as though it didn't even belong to her anymore. Her eyes darted around the room, the worry never dissipating – continuously checking that she was still alone. She didn't know how much time had passed. Her eyes came back to Piper's note. Like an anchor, it brought her thoughts to a standstill. She closed her fingers around it – and unfolded it for the hundredth time.

 _I love you._

 _I'm doing everything I can._

 _Love._ Love. Someone loved her. Someone loved Alex Vause. She wasn't going to leave her. Love meant something right? Love meant you didn't give up. _Don't give up, Alex,_ she told herself.

Her eyes scanned over the words over and over. She needed Piper so badly right now that it physically burned her – she yearned, Alex actually yearned, pined, desperately craved just a glimpse of the woman who claimed her heart. Raw agony penetrated her body. _Please don't leave me. Don't you ever fucking leave me. I love you, babe. Come back for me._

* * *

 _Alex was woken by the continuous tap-tap-tap against the hotel window – or at least she thought she was. Her eyes opened suddenly when she heard a loud crash – which began as a low rumble and gradually built in a startling crescendo._

 _A storm. Fantastic._

 _She pulled the duvet higher as the lightening followed shortly afterwards. It was morning that much she knew, the room was lit dully - enough to confirm that it was no longer night time. She guessed the cause for the lack of sunlight was the chaos going on outside. Her emerald eyes were clouded as she regarded the alarm clock beside her – 9am._

 _She turned her attention to beautiful rhythmic breathing she could hear beside her, rising and falling like a blissful lullaby. Gently, so not to wake her – Alex turned so that she was facing Piper. She didn't bother to put her glasses on yet, as though somehow it would shatter the illusion of the world still being asleep, she enjoyed prolonging the feeling. She could see Piper well enough in front of her – Alex's heart gave a magnificently painful squeeze as her eyes fell over her lover's sleeping form. If anyone was to see her now, even her own friends, they wouldn't believe it – to find her, Alex Vause marvelling over another human being – utterly, captivated and besotted by the sight before her._

 _Piper's long hair was tied in a loose ponytail that ran the length of her pillow. She lay on her side – unknowingly facing her girlfriend while she slept. Her mouth was slightly open – her face relaxed. Her skin – thanks to the British weather was rather pale, but glowed – making her look young and radiant._

 _Alex_ had _to put her glasses on now, she felt as though she was denying herself the ultimate gift – as moments like this were rather fleeting. Piper was usually the early riser of the two, she would go out for a run, have a shower and make breakfast, all before Alex had even opened her eyes. A precious, precious moment. The wonderful tightening in her chest increased as she reached behind herself to the dresser and placed on her glasses. She blinked as she placed them on the bridge of her nose – completely in awe. She studied her Piper as though she was one of her favourite books, savouring every word – cherishing every page. She had never thought she'd fall so hard, especially not with a woman like this. She was so innocent and pure – everything that Alex wasn't. It had been inevitable though, the moment she saw her in the bar, she somehow understood that this woman would change everything for her forever, and she had. This powerful love was transforming her, making her feel things she'd never thought she could ever feel. She constantly surprised at the warmth that enveloped her, the fuzzy, dizzying happiness that shifted the rest of the world blissfully out of focus._

I love you, _she found herself thinking, although she had said it out loud to Piper a handful of times she wasn't sure if she had managed to convey the true depth of her emotion. She was afraid to. Afraid of her own feelings. This wasn't Alex, she was a free spirit – an independent soul, but now she was so deeply in love that it intoxicated her._

 _Before she knew what she was doing, she moved her hand up to Piper's face and delicately traced the line of her cheekbone with the curve of her index finger. A smile spread across Piper's face instantly before she even opened her eyes, Alex returned it without thinking._

 _Gradually, the blonde's eyelids fluttered open – and Alex was lost once again._

" _Hey." Piper grinned, as Alex rolled towards her and pressed her lips against hers momentarily – placing her arm around her girlfriend's waist._

" _Morning." Alex her morning voice huskier than usual. Suddenly the thunder crashed again outside, startling the younger woman._

" _Oh." Piper groaned, "Thunder and lightning."_

" _You think?" A smirk spread across the brunette's face._

" _In that case…" She propped herself up on one elbow in turn. "Can we stay in bed today, Al? Please?" She ran her own fingers along the other woman's waist, placing the tips of her fingers on her warm, soft skin. With her own leg, she parted Alex's and nestled it between them. The brunette placed hers over Piper's so that they were crotch to crotch. A delicious zing shot between the two of them._

 _Alex considered it. She didn't really have anywhere to be. The small errands she had to run could wait until tomorrow – there wasn't much point in venturing out in this weather. Still, she wasn't complaining – she felt Piper's leg graze up against her own and felt her centre electrify and her nipples harden with want. "Well…" She smiled and raised an eyebrow, pushing her glasses up on her head and her hair away from her face. "I suppose so." She grinned. "If I have to." She added._

" _You mean it?" Piper said. "Can we have endless sex and watch shitty movies all day?"_

" _Sounds good to me, Pipes," she shot her girlfriend a wicked grin. "I'm in." The two wordlessly moved closer together, bodies melding into each other. Alex's hot lips found Piper's and taking her by surprise, Piper straddled the older woman – pressing her own centre against hers. They kissed fervently, tongues passionately dancing and they moved together – the temperature beneath the duvet slowly climbing, as were their heart rates. Piper looked down into the eyes of the other woman, her green eyes diluted with want. It made her that much more turned on to see Alex responding to her in this way – to have the knowledge that it wasn't just her who felt like this._

 _With a mischievous glint in her own eye, Piper moved her lips downwards on her girlfriend's body, trailing hot kisses in her wake. Through the sensations echoing through her body, she remembered the first time she had done this, nervous but so overcome with desire. Now she was more experienced and in control, she wanted to turn this strong, powerful woman into a wanton goddess, panting her name in hot breaths. She felt herself getting wet before she'd even reached Alex's sex._

 _The brunette let a deep moan escape her lips and instantly, Piper felt like she was on fire._

" _Fuck me." Alex said, with an edge to her voice. "Pipes – go lower." She pushed the duvet away from them, the heat suddenly too much, she wanted to see her._

 _Piper stopped momentarily and met her eyes again. "Say it again." She instructed, her own voice harsher, deeper – sexier._

 _Alex raised her legs so that the soles of her feet were firmly against the mattress, and her knees bent – she raised the lower half of her body upwards slightly. Piper kissed the insides of her legs with an excruciatingly beautiful tenderness, the want in Alex grew to extreme heights._

" _Fuck me, Piper." The glint in the blonde's eyes vanished and they suddenly darkened. She did just that._

* * *

" _Well you've sincerely outdone yourself Miss Chapman." Alex said between breaths as she and Piper lay side by side panting._

" _Wow." Piper said to the ceiling. "_ Wow. I mean – _fuck." She swore that the sex between them just got better and better, the stronger the feelings grew between the two, the more passionate and intense their lovemaking became._

" _Pipes I don't think I've ever cum that many times in one morning. You're getting good," they shared a look as they embraced once more, "hey, don't get cocky kid. You're not as good as me."_

" _You wanna bet on that?" The blonde kissed her again, but softer and less urgent than before. She ended the kiss with a smile. "Little spoon?" She said hopefully._

 _Alex found it adorable when she pulled that face – she was only too happy to oblige, the other woman turned over and Alex pressed herself lovingly against her, wrapping both of her arms around her middle. She rubbed her nose against Piper's neck, inhaling her musky scent and the smell of sex that still lingered in the room. The rain was still audible from outside and the storm showed no signs of easing off, it made the two that much more grateful that they were inside and keeping warm with each other._

" _Can we see if there are any movies on?" Piper asked, reaching towards the dresser and grabbing the remote with one hand. Without waiting her reply, Piper pressed on the TV – this hotel was rather generous with its channels, thanks to Alex and her bank account, it was rather swanky – and due to the fact they were in London, all of the channels were in English. Movies were a dime a dozen on British TV on a Sunday. On the fifth channel, Piper settled on the Titanic, and it had only just begun._

" _Fuck – not the Titanic, if I wanted to feel suicidal I'd just listen to Coldplay." Alex made a grab for the remote._

 _The other woman laughed. "Please? I haven't seen it in ages – and it's_ so _sad. It'll break your heart but it's such a good movie. Plus Leonardo DiCaprio – oh, look, there he is. He's so young in this."_

" _More of a Kate Winslet gal myself." Alex grimaced. "Okay, so, I've never actually watched the whole thing through before. My mom always turned it off before the end."_

" _What? That's what Phoebe's mom always did to her in friends. To protect her."_

" _Fuck. Well, I suppose we gotta watch it now. Just keep the razor blades away just in case. It'll probably be a pile of shit anyway but – " she'd humour her, she wound her arms tighter around her._

" _Yes!"_

 _Over three hours later, they both lay entwined in the same position they had been when the movie started – both women wordlessly staring at the screen when the credits started to roll. Piper felt something wet against her cheek, and then heard brief sniff. She turned around quickly, so not to miss this rare moment. She looked at Alex's tear stained face and suppressed a grin, her eyes were red beneath the rims of her glasses._

" _You're crying," Piper stated. "You, Alex Vause, cried at a movie."_

" _Fuck you. I did not." She sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "I wasn't crying. I'm not - -" A sob erupted from her throat._

" _Alex!"_

" _Okay, fuck – maybe I am. Why did she say, 'I'll never let go Jack,' just to watch him drown in the water? Selfish bitch. There was enough room for both of them on there."_

"… _Maybe he survived." Piper said lightly, aware of how stupid she sounded. "Maybe he woke up on a desert island."_

" _Oh God, if you have to console_ me _about a movie – things are bad. If you ever tell anyone I cried at the Titanic, you'll live to regret it, Chapman."_

" _You really mean that?" She laughed again. "It's okay to cry, it doesn't mean you're any less of a badass, babe. I love seeing the softer side of you, Al. It kinda… turns me on." Well, if she was honest, anything that Alex did turned her on._

 _The truth was, Alex didn't feel any guilt or shame for opening up this new side of herself in front of Piper – it felt good to be able to show the full spectrum of herself to someone. She felt whole when she was with her, though, a part of her often wondered if she was being stupid – pulling down her walls like this. Love had made her gradually take her armour away, and she felt despite her fear, despite her insecurity – that it was a good thing. "You get turned on by my tears? That's sick. I think you need help."_

" _If by help you mean… help taking a shower, I totally accept." The blonde smirked._

" _I wasn't offering my services." Alex returned. "But I'll help you all the same."_

" _Then can we get breakfast?" The other woman glanced at the clock, "alright, make that dinner."_

" _Yeah." Alex rose from the duvet and pulled Piper with her. "Shower time first." Laughing as they rose from the bed, they disappeared into the bathroom hand-in-hand._

* * *

Piper looked around quickly, she made sure that no one was watching her and quickly shoved yet another pair of panties down her bra. There were a couple wedged into her underwear, too. For once she felt grateful that the underwear the prison provided her with was baggy, there was a lot of extra room. For the past few days she had managed to bring more and more panties to Red, the Russian was pleased with how this little 'business' was developing, and was becoming more interested in the idea. Only it wasn't that much of an idea anymore, it was taking off.

A lot of new inmates were arriving in the prison, along with new guards. A certain sense of change was in the air and Piper could feel the fresh fear come with it. That very morning, Piper had recognised Lolly, who she had seen and befriended on her trip to Chicago. _Trip_ being the operative word. She acknowledged the flaxen haired woman, and had been rather peeved when the woman did not return her smile.

Then she remembered what happened in that prison yard. Lolly had got jumped, and Piper had walked away.

She was a fucking heartless bitch. She didn't blame her.

…But if she was so incredibly heartless, then why did it feel so prominent in her chest? She was more aware of her heart than ever, because of the pain she was experiencing. She had known pain, of course, and she had not been a stranger to heartbreak – but being away from Alex was a whole different kind of agony all together. It burned and scorched her from the inside. Every single time that the brunette entered her mind a searing pain surged from her chest to every part of her body. Each time she conjured Alex in her mind, she would smuggle another pair of panties down her bra. All of this was for her. It was the strangest, most surreal situation Piper had ever been in – if she thought about it objectively it would sound like this: _I am currently smuggling underwear from my assignment to my prison roommate, who is giving them to inmates to wear – for weirdo men to smell. Red is doing this in return to start a… romance with Healy, and somehow convince him to free my girlfriend._

It sounded very fucked up indeed – but honestly, what else could she do?

She could tell that Red was enjoying this old return of power and high status within the prison. She hoped that she wouldn't get too drunk with it, but now that Piper was Red's right-hand woman – she was practically in power too. It felt strangely good – to have something that took the pain away a little.

With all of the terrible things happening in the prison kitchen, the inmates were becoming tired of the horrible food. Some were claiming to be Jewish in order to obtain kosher meals – which was causing a lot of uproar and scuffles, especially from the few inmates who were actually Jewish. After Piper had come up with the idea of taking the flavour packets out of the noodles, to exchange to the desperate inmates to liven up their bland food, so that they would be more obliged to wear the panties - Red had been very pleased indeed. However with the business quickly expanding, they couldn't do all of this alone. They had to start recruiting a few people to help them. People they trusted.

Piper momentarily stopped what she was doing, and decided it was time to stop alienating Nikki – while it was primarily _her_ fault Alex was where she was, Nikki was still her friend. A good friend.

Piper knew that Nikki was growing quite resentful of what she and Red were doing together, and that Nikki felt like she was losing her 'mother.' The blonde thought that perhaps the younger woman bit her tongue because she felt guilty. Even so, Piper and Red had decided it was time to bring Nikki in on it.

It just so happened that Nichols was also a lucky recruit of the panty sweatshop – although the blonde had steadfastly ignored her for the past two weeks.

"Hey, Nik – look," she said slowly, immediately capturing her attention.

Nichols looked slightly startled at being spoken to. "You fucking talking to me now, Chapman? Getting lonely – are ya? Well fuck you."

The other women in the room pretended that they didn't notice the oncoming argument, and focused their eyes down on their sewing machines.

"Don't be like that." Then Piper stopped, rage suddenly very prominent. "No, _fuck you._ Fuck you for getting my girlf- _Alex,_ stuck in SHU. She wanted to be a good friend to you, and look where being friends with you got her."

"I didn't make her do it." Nichols ran her fingers through her main angrily. "I didn't make her fucking do anything."

Piper sighed, Nikki's own pain made the anger vanish as quickly as it appeared. "I was mad, okay, I'll admit – but I'm not anymore. I just want to get her out of there." Over the past few weeks, it seemed as though Piper's features were becoming colder and harder – no longer the baby-faced child who had come into prison over a year ago, but suddenly, she was that person again – her eyes clouded, her jaw clenched and a single tear fell from each of her glistening eyes. "I _can't_ sleep. I can barely eat – she's all I can think of in there, Nichols. I know you know what's happening with me and Red. I know Red's spoken to you about her and Healy. You know what I'm trying to do. It might be pathetically dumb, but shit, I can't do anything else."

"Look, Chapman – I'm sorry too, okay – fuck – fine, whatever I'll help you. I'll wear those fucking girl panties if you really want me to. But I don't see how much of a difference _I_ could make."

"You don't have to do anything – not really, it's just that Red and I-"

"Red and I? What you married now or something?"

Piper shot her a look. "God, you've gotta get over this complex that I'm gonna steal your _mommy_. I have my own fucked up mother, thanks." She took a breath. "Anyway, we just wondered if you'd consider coming on board. Red figures you've got a bit of a persuasive power when it comes… y'know, to the ladies. You could get a few more inmates to wear the panties."

"What like, trade orgasms for panties? This is getting more and more fucked up. How in any way is this going to help get Vause back? I mean, shit – are you really doing all of this just so Red will somehow seduce Healy into letting Alex out?" She stopped sewing and turned her complete attention to the blonde, making sure that none of the women were listening to their conversation. "Don't you think that dick is gonna see straight through it?"

"He's pretty crazy about her – don't underestimate how persuasive Red can be. She ran this prison once."

"I agree with your fuzzy headed friend there, he'll see straight through it." An Australian accent said, startling the other two women. Piper's head shot up and she was greeted by a pair of huge blue eyes, framed by a set of the longest pair of eyelashes she'd ever seen – a straight nose and full, plump lips. She had her brunette hair shaved on the sides and long on the top, colourful tattoos were visible beneath her prison clothes. Piper swore she had never seen anyone with such an asymmetrically perfect face, and it unnerved her.

"Excuse me there, _mate._ I don't believe we were fucking talking to you." Nikki hissed, aware that she still couldn't raise her voice. The three of them were sitting close together, so luckily the other inmates seemed pretty immersed in their own work and conversations.

"No you weren't, but I was listening anyway." She smiled a smile that said, _I'm beautiful so I can do whatever the fuck I want._

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Piper clenched her fists, this person – despite her beauty, spelt trouble.

"Stella." She said simply. "Yeah, so – I overheard you. I want a cut of the money."

"Fuck off." Piper and Nichols said in unison.

"Why in _hell_ would I give _you_ a percentage of the money when you don't even contribute to this project? I have no idea who the fuck you are - _and_ you're eavesdropping."

"Oh no, I think you misunderstand. I don't want anything to do with the business. I just want the money. I'm getting out in a few weeks and I'm broke." She held Piper's eyes but didn't acknowledge Nikki in the slightest.

"And again," the blonde's eyebrows rose in disbelief, she and Nikki looked at each other with incredulous expressions, "how is that _my_ problem _?"_

"Because," she smiled disturbingly, "I'll go to Healy and I'll tell him everything. _Everything._ And unless you want your girlfriend to rot in SHU – you'll give me that cut."

"You little _cunt._ You wouldn't fucking dare." Nikki stood up and rolled her sleeves further up her wiry arms.

"Inmate!" The guard called from the corner.

"Go ahead – hit me, it won't stop me telling Healy." There was that smile again.

"Dead bitches don't talk." Piper was shocked by the venom in her own voice, she felt disgust and rage rise within her. Who the hell was this person? Who the actual fuck did she think she was? How could she stop this? She was in the deep end here, and a current was dragging her down.

"You'll really never see this Alex person again if you _dare_ hurt me in any way." Stella didn't seem unnerved slightest, she was oddly calm – determined. "Try me. Get Red to give me a cut of the money – and you can go on with your plan, which, might I add, is very clever. You can tell you're an educated girl."

"Fuck you Justin Bieber!" Nikki was struggling to keep her cool.

"Think about it." Just like that, their assignment was over for the day. Stella stood up, shot Piper one last look and walked away.

* * *

"That little bitch." Red said, her Russian accent thicker in her angry tone.

"I don't think we've got much choice, Red." Piper said. "I can't risk it. Alex is the whole reason I'm doing this. I can't stop now."

"Fine. Fine. Don't start crying again, blondie. You kept me up half the night with that. What use are tears, eh?"

"I'm sorry. I'm driving myself insane. I just miss her so much. It hurts so badly – to be away from her, to think about her in there. I don't think she's coping. I just want to know what she's thinking. If she's okay. What if she does something stupid?" Piper sank down on her mattress in defeat.

"I feel for you, I really do." Her expression conveyed genuine empathy. "You'll be pleased to know I'm getting somewhere with Healy. I might even get myself back in the kitchen, too. He's lonely you know, his wife just used him as a meal ticket. I'm pretty sure I'm all he has right now."

"You think so?" The younger woman looked up hopefully.

"Yeah. I think he'll be putty in my hands soon. I'll mention Vause as soon as I can."

"Thanks Red. I have no idea if it'll work but fuck, it's the only thing I have to hold onto right now. I'm so grateful to you."

"All right, all right. I'm not doing it for nothing, am I? Now where are those panties?"

"Oh, here." Piper went beneath her clothes with opposing hands and pulled out handfuls of patterned underwear.

"Great. Now Nikki can give these out to the inmates, and tomorrow they can give them back, then we're in business. Now leave me. I want to sleep and your whining is getting on my nerves." Red put the panties in her cupboard, laid down on her bed and turned over.

Reluctantly, Piper decided to go to the meagre excuse for a library in an attempt to gather her scattered thoughts. The last thing she needed right now was Stella blackmailing her. She walked down the hallway and turned the corner – and saw a guard approaching her from afar. She recognised him but couldn't quite place him, as he came closer, she became more bewildered by the look in his eye. He looked unhinged and vengeful. His twisted features were foreign to her but somehow familiar. His dark skin and eyes she had seen before. He was just about to pass her when he smiled, he was chewing on something with a smirk playing on his thin lips. Suddenly she recognised him – Aydin.

 _Fuck. FUCK!_

She was about to do something, about to run – to hit him, to scream. But when she turned around he had vanished so suddenly, she wondered if she had even seen him at all.

 **For the reviews asking about if I'd make Piper cheat – I would never go down that road. That's why I'm writing this in my own way, to fix the hole in my heart season 3 created within me, and it's kind of working. Thanks for reading anyway and please leave a review!**


	7. Episode 8

**Tiny refresher – S3E8 of OITNB was centred on Alex and the problems she experienced after the death of her mom and Piper walking out. I felt as though this chapter should follow along the same sort of lines, and explore Alex's mentality during this time. Prepare for some angst – but I promise, light will follow the darkness. It always does.**

 **Chapter 7 (Episode 8)**

The room was silent as Healy regarded Piper – she shifted in her chair, her gaze not faltering from his. The early-morning sun shone in through the window, although it was barely 10am, the day was set to be a scorcher, just like it had been for the past two weeks. It was the height of summer, but Piper's heart remained in the icy depths of winter.

"…Chapman, I'm starting to think you might benefit from a visit to psych." Healy rose from his desk, his stomach protruding over his trousers as he drew himself up to his full, albeit, rather disappointing, height.

" _Healy._ I am _not_ crazy. I mean holy fucking shit, what kind of prison are you running here where you don't even know what kind of people you're hiring?" Piper's face contorted. "You're taking in strangers and recruiting them off of the streets."

"It has _nothing_ to do with me, for the last time." His impatience was always revealed by the appearance of his top-set of teeth - due to his thinning top lip, which continued to curl upwards. "I'm sick of seeing you. I checked the records. Litchfield hasn't hired anyone by the name of Aydin Sadik."

"Of course he wouldn't use that as his name! He's part of the drug ring that I - - was _involved_ in. I saw him, sir. I am not lying. I am not insane."

"As you've repeatedly told me, inmate, however, I don't think you're a great judge of your own sanity at the moment. Chapman, have you even looked in the mirror lately?"

"The fuck does this have to do with my appearance?" Piper spat.

"You've lost a lot of weight. The heavy bags under your eyes indicate that you haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. Not to mention your hair could do with a –"

"Fuck you!" Piper felt her cheeks sting.

"I'll choose to ignore that, inmate." He sat on the edge of his desk, so that he his knee was touching the tips of her fingers. "My point is, you're not looking after yourself. If you aren't eating or sleeping, then you can't be in your right mind – can you? Now go and sort yourself out and stop badgering me."

She snatched her fingers away. "There's a fucking murderer on the loose!"

"Leave now." He said shortly, rising again to further emphasise her imminent departure.

Piper forced her fingers through her hair, not even caring how easily the tips of them slid through her unwashed locks. She kicked the chair leg, and gave Healy a look that was the equivalent of giving the finger. Why she kept coming to him she didn't know. He wouldn't listen to her – yet she had to feel like she was doing _something._

She skulked down the corridor, her strides lengthening as she walked, she was late for her assignment again. Only, she couldn't stop herself from checking every corner of every room as well as up and down the staircases for Aydin.

She had seen him, she knew that she had – and _fuck_ Healy for making her feel nuts.

It had been five days since she had seen him standing there chewing on a swizzle stick – in that way that slowly unhinged her. She saw him in a flash and then he'd vanished like a ghost.

Eventually she reached the _Whispers_ workroom. Piper scanned the room, and saw Nicky studiously ignoring Stella. The other inmates focused their attentions on their sewing machines, working almost in an oblivious unison, a gentle hum of the machines clicking filled the room with a strange melody. She sat down and immediately got to work – channelling all of her frustration into weaving the thin thread between the cheap satin. It was rather therapeutic, watching the stitches go above and below, like a dolphin gliding along choppy waves. The faster she did it – the calmer she became.

"Chapman – jeez, slow the fuck down. You alright?" Nikki nudged her, an usual look of concern gracing her pale features.

"No I'm not. That fucker still won't listen to me." Piper had related the events to the younger woman on the very night that they unfolded. In shock, Nikki had listened patiently – while muttering the odd obscenity under her breath, and did not for one second doubt Piper. The blonde had been surprised and secretly thrilled by this, despite the fear she was experiencing – it was good to have a friend in here that fought her corner no matter what. There was so much more to Nichols than met the eye. Nichols was almost as good at lending an ear as lending a hand – if need be.

"What do you expect? Stop going to him. Just let Red work her Russian magic."

"Don't you understand?" Piper snapped impatiently - before instantly regretting it when Nichol's tried to hide her wounded expression. Nevertheless she continued. "This changes everything. Alex wasn't being paranoid. I put her in danger. Kubra knows where she is. I think Aydin has taken advantage of Litchfield's joke of a hiring system and wormed himself in somehow." She looked around the room, and up at the ceiling before meeting her friend's eyes once again. "He's going to kill her, Nichols."

"Hold on. Calm down. Fuck." Piper could tell that Nichols was considering this properly for the first time. Her eyes widened. "What if this Kubra guy just wanted to, I don't know - send a warning?"

"You don't understand, Nichols. He doesn't just send a warning – you cross him, you die. That's the way it works with drug-lords like him. I should have listened to her. I made her feel stupid."

"You can't turn back time now. Jesus _fuck_ , Chapman. He's hardcore, huh?" Nikki stopped sewing and chewed on a raw piece of skin on the edge of her thumb. "Either way, surely he can't get into SHU? Even if he can – there's nothing you can do." Piper wasn't sure who she was trying to convince, "Let's just carry on with this little thing we got going here and let's focus on getting her out of there, alright?"

"I don't know how to deal with this." Piper raised her eyes heaven-ward. "I feel so helpless."

The worst thing was that she'd made Alex feel like an idiot. Like she was imagining things. She'd brushed her girlfriend's worries under the carpet like they didn't matter. And it turned out she was right.

What had given her the audacity to ignore her? She had put her in here in the first place, and now it was real. She was in real danger. Everything people said about Piper was true. She understood now. She'd been called selfish her whole life but had never truly realised it until now. She _was_ a selfish, self-centred bitch. She was a spoilt brat who had gotten exactly what she wanted.

Would it be at the cost of Alex's life?

Stupid, stupid, _senseless._

"Do you ever stop moaning, blondie?" Piper's looked up wearily at that familiar Australian accent. She felt her insides seize up.

"Do you ever stop being so _fucking_ nosey?" Nikki snapped.

"Listen, _Stella._ " Piper said through gritted teeth. "You got what you wanted. Where is the logic behind you continuing to torment me?"

"I know – I know, it's cruel." Stella replied, biting her lower lip. "But, it's so damn fun. I can't help but think about how lonely you must be with that _legendary_ girlfriend of yours in SHU. I could help keep your pussy wet, only while she's away of course."

"Back off." Piper said quietly with a razor sharp edge to her voice. She's wasn't sure that she had the strength to keep her anger at bay.

"I would, only, you're too damn hot to stay away from." Stella gave the two women one of her dazzling grins.

Slowly, Piper turned her head to the corner where the guards stood, both were immersed in conversation and were laughing to themselves. Newbies. She stood up, the edges of her vision blurred with iron-hot fury.

With Alex at the forefront of her mind, she barely had to energy to think about Aydin – let alone this _cunt_ who couldn't stop playing the playground bully.

With Nikki and Stella locked in a stare-off, neither noticed that Piper had risen herself to full height. "Fuck _off_."

"Mmm... no, I think that I'll stay, thanks." Piper knew that this was exactly what the brunette wanted, to push her buttons – and sadly she could do nothing but comply. She lacked the necessary control of her emotions, with the slightest of pushes she would tumble over the edge. All she felt, saw and breathed was pain and fear. Anger was a welcome visitor.

"Stand the fuck down, Chapman." Nikki said pleadingly, pulling on the blonde's arm.

Piper snatched it away. "Fine, _fine._ She's not fucking worth it." With great effort, she managed to place her backside firmly back in the chair.

"There's a good dog." Stella smirked. "Now that you mention it - I do recall seeing your girlfriend dragged off to SHU, actually." She laughed then, a humorous tinkle that echoed throughout the room, "I _might_ have given Bell the heads up that Vause was up to something shifty."

"You did _what?"_

"She's lying." Nichols said.

"Why would I do that?" Stella continued. "I had just returned from SHU myself. I shared that bunk with her, I guess you failed to notice me, _Pipes."_

Piper did nothing but stare as the other woman continued to speak, she could feel Nikki's eyes shifting from her to the brunette. Her muscles were frozen in place.

* * *

"That's right. I listened to her. Every. Single. Fucking. Night. Crying into her pillow. When she did fall asleep, she'd wake up from a nightmare howling ' _this isn't my gun, please don't take me back there'_ or the other classic ' _Piper, no.'_ Pathetic really. She talked a big game, but she was just a wounded little puppy." Oddly enough, it looked as though Stella was enjoying this little monologue and the attention of her less-than willing audience. "Maybe if she had looked more like you, blondie, I wouldn't have ratted her out, but, I've always had a soft spot for you blondes. That night I was already awake when she got up so quietly and carefully - that I knew she was up to something. So yeah, I told Bell. I've slept _blissfully_ every night since Vause got shipped off."

Piper couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her fingers body started to tremble as she digested this new information. The whole reason Alex was in there was because of Stella? And this… _bitch_ , still had the nerve to blackmail her? Piper was on her feet again. "You poisonous cunt!" She felt a small pair of hands close around her upper arms in an attempt to pull her back. Piper raised her fist, wanting so badly to let it collide with the brunette's smug features.

This time the hands behind her were firmer, and stronger – she felt herself being pulled back. "Chapman." Nikki said into her ear. "Please don't get yourself locked in SHU, too. You're the only way Vause has a chance of getting out of there."

Piper turned to Nichols, shaking fingers curled into fists at her side and looked into the shorter woman's eyes that were uncharacteristically glazed with desperation.

" _Please."_ Her friend persisted. "Piper. Fuck. Don't lose it, not now – if you go to SHU, there's no helping either of you." The two friends held each other's gaze with what felt like an alarmingly long time. Piper's jaw clenched and she reluctantly sat down again and averted her gaze from Stella. Pure venom coursing through her veins, it took all of her will and all of her strength to stop herself from hurting the other woman. Stella was the reason Alex was there for no other reason than the brunette not getting her _beauty_ sleep. She was manipulative and evil – her blatantly cold heart contorted her beautiful features into something very ugly indeed.

* * *

The days for Alex – by now, were mostly blurring into one – but somehow she knew that today was the day. Nine years since her mother died – that was what separated today from the other days. Today had a special, new edition, brand of darkness. Today she was reminded of what her life could have been like if her mom were alive. Maybe it wouldn't be any different, maybe nothing would change – but her mom would be _living, breathing._ She would be there. Alex could feel the weight of Diane's disappointment, her only daughter in prison.

Alex hadn't had the mental freedom to think about this fully for a very long time, not since Kubra sent Alex to rehab. She closed her eyes and felt like she was transported back there.

 _The past few weeks had made Alex feel as though she was locked in a nightmare. The phrase 'rehab' had made her picture herself reclining by a pool, a book lazily slung next to her as she sipped on an alcohol-free cocktail. In all honesty, she had imagined it would be a bit like a vacation, to take some time away from the vortex of oblivion that was now her life. It was the complete opposite, without the heroin in her system, she had nothing to block out the pain. Soon the world would be waking up around her – she curled up in her bed and felt grateful for a few more hours of darkness._

 _She thought back to the first night that she arrived in rehab. She'd managed to give herself one last 'bump' a few days before, but had had no drugs in her system since. She told herself she would be okay. That she would be fine without the drugs coursing through her veins._

 _The very first night she arrived there was when the withdrawal symptoms really started to kick in. She felt like she was going to die. Death on that night would have been a small mercy. She was shown to a basic bedroom by the staff and – thanks to Kubra, she had her own bathroom – at the very least. There was no pleasure in the fact that she could retch to her heart's content in her own company. That night was the first night that she hadn't had something to take the edge off in a long time. She'd been high for so long that she had so far to fall. Her temperature had soared through the roof, she'd stumbled into the bathroom with her hair sticking to her forehead – the world around her blurred with the edges of pain. Her stomach had seized and seized, leaving her howling in sheer agony on the floor – occasionally rising to throw up the contents of her empty stomach. She could not recall ever feeling so low – it was as though all of the light had been drained from the world, and she was left in the darkness, alone._

 _She had no one._

 _The weeks that followed were horrendous, they were dark, empty days filled with memories Alex longed to suppress. She avoided contact with the other people at the rehab, too tired and worn out by her own troubles and grief. She was trapped in a triangle of grief, the death of her mother, the loss of Piper and the death of Fahri. Her mind would flit between the three in an exhausting cycle._

 _Alex thought about her mother and how she should have been there for her more. Diane had been the one constant in her rollercoaster of a life and she had let her down. She died with her only daughter hundreds of miles away, not knowing how much Alex loved her. Now Alex woke up every dark morning realising that she would never see her mother's face again, she would never again see her smile – or be held by the one person who made her feel safe - in the way that made her feel not so alone in the world. She was dead. There was no heaven and there was no hell and she was dead. Her mom was gone. She didn't want to visit her mother's grave because she wasn't there. That wasn't Diane in the ground, her love, her life, her spirit – did not lay beneath that gravestone. She lived now solely in Alex's broken heart, but Alex didn't want her there. It hurt too much. She loved someone who was no longer alive – what was the point? She was dead!_

 _In the past few months, whenever she had thought about her mom – she'd taken heroin. The heroin made her feel like she was numb, but alive – everything was magical and electric. The world was vivid, she felt like she saw everything around her in full spectrum, she was getting high in a way that allowed her to see the true beauty of the world, a world where grief didn't exist. When she was high, her mom was still dead – but she felt as though she had a purpose to do everything for her mother. For her memory. In Paris she'd dance the night away with Fahri – telling herself that she was living life to the full for Diane. With heroin, she felt nothing but joy – her thoughts became lazy and sluggish. The high would make her soar above the clouds, it took her somewhere where her heart wasn't broken. Until, inevitably, it ebbed away and she was left with nothing again._

 _Then she and Fahri would do it all over again._

 _Fahri. He was dead now, too. There was a certain finality in her mind when she thought about it. She'd seen him die. Although, his death had been instant. She'd seen him dead. There was no holding him in her arms and watching the light slowly vanishing from his eyes. It all happened so quickly, that she could barely comprehend it until afterwards. Aydin had killed him. He was supposed to be his friend and he murdered him. She remembered the shock she felt, just merely seconds ago she had been – talking and laughing, with her associate and friend, he was all she had after Diane died and Piper walked away – and the next his existence was obliterated. Gone. He was nothing anymore. Just like that he ceased to exist. In a fraction of a second, he'd gone from being her friend to being a ghost._

 _Shock had rendered her into a statue. Until Aydin pulled that gun on her, and suddenly she was terrified. She suddenly wanted to fight for this life that she had no idea she had even wanted. For some fucked up reason, she wanted to keep her heart beating – she possessed a survival instinct that she didn't want. But nevertheless had. She had no reason to live, and plenty to die, but she'd be damned if she went like this._

 _As Kubra stood over her, she craved a life better than this one. Everything that led her there, to the very chair she was sitting in – playing through her mind in one big loop. As strong as she believed herself to be, at that very moment she was_ nothing. _The gap between life and death was no longer_ her _choice. She didn't want to die. She was afraid. So afraid that she felt as though she had left her body and was looking down at herself. She could practically watch her own her shifty eyes and shaking fingers, shrinking as with Kubra leant over her like the Grim Reaper. She was not just vulnerable, but defenceless – her fight, her fierceness was nothing in comparison to three armed men._

 _Somehow – she had survived. She was given a second chance. The relief wrapped around her like a warm blanket when Kubra told he that he was sending her to her hometown - to stay in rehab. Rehab. She could do that. Then she'd go back to how things were. Life before Piper._

 _It was so easy, when she thought of it like that, but getting over heroin was harder than anything she ever had had to do in her whole life. She had to deal with all over the things she had been blocking out when she'd been getting high. She hadn't been mourning – but now, she had ample time to grieve._

 _How she yearned for that numbness that came with getting high – for everything around her to become suspended and fuzzy. However, she had to get clean. She had to face that unbearable sadness and heartbreak. It was get clean or die, either from the drugs or at the hands of Kubra himself._

 _At the very heart of the pain, was the one thing she tried to push away the most – because this person wasn't dead – she had left her of her own free will. Piper had walked away. The love of her life had left because she couldn't handle who she really was. The blonde's absence hurt more and more each slow-moving day. That moment that she'd walked out the door, she'd taken Alex's heart with her. Alex was so fucking angry, and more hurt than she could fathom into words. It felt as though she had swallowed knives, slicing their way down her chest, cutting her so deeply that she could barely breathe with the pain. Every time she took a breath it pained her. She had poured so much of her love and happiness into Piper - that when she walked away she was left with nothing but the darkness that overwhelmed her._

 _Ever so slowly, her full, bursting heart gradually broke apart, fraction by fraction – piece by piece. Every memory they shared, every smile, laugh – had been tainted. It rendered everything meaningless and dead. She ached for someone to take the pain away. Her mother was dead. Fahri was dead and Piper had walked away when she needed her most. As much as she poured every single ounce of her hatred into Piper, she still fucking loved her. Loved her with a ferocity that now left her drained. Her lover, her best friend – couldn't handle the life she led._

 _Part of Alex hated her, but then part of Alex didn't blame her. This stupid fucking love_ thing _, forced her to see things from a different perspective. She understood how unpredictable life with her could be, and she was putting Piper in danger. She had been making Piper a part of this world that she fought so strongly to stay away from._

 _Piper was an ordinary person before all of this – and Alex had put her in the firing line. She couldn't handle it anymore so she left. She_ left _her. Alex felt as though she'd never want to know love again. Love was cruel. Every kind of it. You lost everything you loved, in the end._

" _Up, Vause! You're on breakfast duty this morning." She heard a voice shout from behind the closed door._

" _Fuck." Alex groaned. Within the rehab, they took in it turns to cook and clean for each other. It was something about teaching responsibility or... whatever. She felt dazed when she pulled herself up out of bed, she had been so deep in her own thoughts that it was difficult to shake herself out of them._

 _Half an hour later, she was washing the dishes in the little kitchen – the smell of eggs and the clanking of plates echoing around her. The thoughts in her head were still ticking over as she scrubbed and scrubbed. This was the first day that she didn't soak the dishes with her own tears – today, she felt like they weren't clean enough._

" _C'mon, Vause – I need some clean plates." Helen the sixty-year old alchoholic said. It was her fifth time here._

" _In a fucking minute." Alex said through gritted teeth._

 _Wisely, Helen didn't respond but continued scrambling the eggs._

 _Piper kept pulsing through her mind, her beautiful eyes – flaxen hair, the postcoital smile that bewitched her face as they lay on opposing pillows, gazing into one another's eyes._

 _That last look in her eyes when she walked out of the door._

 _She'd never see her again._

 _Alex's heart twisted. She wasn't coming back. She had nothing. Piper had said she'd loved her – but she'd made it look so easy when she walked away._

 _Bitch. That stupid bitch. Fuck her._

 _Piper had probably never loved her. If you loved someone, you didn't leave them, right? The hurt, the grief and the loss – blurred into a ball of seething rage. Alex flexed her knuckles. Fuck. She could no longer control herself as the anger surged through her body like a tidal wave._

" _AHHH!" She snarled like an animal and threw the plate she was holding against the wall. She repeatedly wailed as she grabbed dish after dish and watched them explode into pieces – until there was nothing left. Scattered pieces. Broken pieces._

* * *

Piper tossed and turned in her bed – unable to sleep, and not for the first time. Red slept soundly opposite her. Only an hour ago, Piper had given her the latest stash of panties she managed to transport, in return told her about how things were going with Healy. She told her that they had shared a _moment_ – Red was now back in the kitchen, miraculously. Red and Healy had argued because Healy felt used – as though Russian had only shown a fleeting interest in him simply to resume her rightful place back in the kitchen. Which she had, of course. He didn't have to know that. _Then,_ she told Piper, she had made Healy a piece of pie – and left it in his office for him to find. Later that day Red and Healy had met in the hallway, and shared a kiss. Operation Free Vause was in full swing.

She told Piper it was like kissing a hungry dog.

Red had got what she wanted. She had got her kitchen back, but she was continuing this _thing_ with Healy for her. To get Vause back. The fact that Red was back in the kitchen was proof enough that Red had powerful persuasion techniques. Yet Piper still couldn't close her eyes – afraid that if she opened them, Aydin would be leaning over her.

She could hear some of the inmates discussing the latest chapter of 'The Time Hump Chronicles,' Crazy Eyes had caused quite the stir with it. From what Piper gathered, it what a startling piece about aliens and some sort of space sex. She heard some raised voices arguing over whether Edwina and Rockin' Rodcocker should end up together.

She smiled to herself and imagined Alex reading it. The idea seemed so far away. Alex seemed so far away. It had been three long weeks since she'd last seen her. She was well aware that the more time that passed was another day with Alex in SHU. The thought of her in there was more painful now than ever.

Piper's own first stay in SHU had been rather short – but in those hours she was in there, she had never felt more isolated. She had been talking into a _vent_ for God's sake. She wasn't even sure that she hadn't imagined the voice she heard. Her second stay in solitary confinement had been worse. It was after her 'run in' with Pennsatucky and she had earned herself a long stay before her trial. It had gotten to the point where she'd collaged her food on to the walls.

Alex was made of stronger stuff that her, she was sure of it – but being locked in a room by yourself for long stretches of time was enough to weaken the strongest of souls. Piper didn't want Alex to feel as though she had abandoned her - that she was just carrying on with her little prison life so easily without her. That couldn't be further from the truth. She had loved and lost Alex so many times, _so_ many heart wrenching times – mostly because of her own pathetic stupidity and selfishness. Maybe she had been afraid - because she loved her too much and that frightened her. Maybe she'd chosen Larry over Alex that first time because she chose stability over a passion, a dream over what was _real_.

Alex was real.

Alex was what was completed her. Perhaps in the past, she chose to walk away because when she actually admitted it to herself, her love for the older woman was so consuming, that she was terrified of it swallowing her whole. She wasn't yet ready to surrender every inch of herself because if they broke up – she'd be an empty shell.

Now, she was ready and willing to give herself entirely to her. Despite the past, despite their mistakes, they had wasted enough time being young and stupid. She didn't know what kind of life they'd have together, but she knew that she wanted one with her. No one else.

She would never walk away from Alex again. Her heart lurched when she thought about that last time - she closed her eyes to try and block out the guilt. Somehow, she fell into a troubled sleep and dreamt of the woman that occupied her thoughts. Her dream – it transpired, was a memory.

* * *

 _Piper was still awake – impatiently awaiting the arrival of her new girlfriend. She was worried that she wouldn't come back at all, and jumped in the darkness every time that she heard a noise – hoping that it would be the lock turning. She had tried to sleep, but ever since Alex had been gone she felt uneasy – not yet used to the ups and downs of Alex's job as a… drug dealer. She told herself she was okay with it, and mostly she was, because all she saw was Alex leaving and arriving home - with a full bank account. She didn't really think about it in_ real _life terms._

 _Tonight was the first time that Alex had said she'd be home late, and Piper was anxious. She'd been gone since the early hours. Finally, at around 3am she heard the lock turn and she opened her eyes. She must have drifted off for a moment. She smiled to herself as she heard Alex creeping around, all of the earlier anxiety and worry washed away with the sweet sense of relief. She listened as Alex went into the bathroom and came back out, and she suspected, removed the vast quantity of her clothing._

 _She felt Alex footsteps move closer – she heard her breathing over her, before she climbed into bed beside her._

" _Alex?" Piper whispered._

" _Fuck-" Alex exclaimed in surprise. "You're awake." Her breathing sped up. "Come here, babe."_

 _Piper grinned in the darkness and snuggled closer to the brunette, inhaling her scent – her heart lighting up in her chest._

 _Alex sat up and switched on the bedside lamp, causing the younger woman to squint at the brightness. "No Pipes, closer."_

" _I can't get much closer, Al." Piper laughed sleepily._

 _Alex rested her head against the headboard, glasses on top of her head. She had taken her make up off, her translucent skin was almost ghostly in the light, despite her emerald eyes being narrow with exhaustion - they still glimmered down warmly at her lover. "You can." Alex said huskily. She patted her lap – and wordlessly, Piper sat up, her hair a messy halo around her head and swung one leg over Alex, pressing her centre against hers as she folded her legs together behind Alex's back._

 _Noses almost touching, their eyes finally met – a forest meeting a river in the moonlight. Alex kissed Piper gently, nudging the blonde's lips open with her own lower lip, and slowly allowed her tongue to enter the younger woman's mouth – they kissed like they were trying not to break one another, hands running softly over each other's bodies._

 _Alex moved her hand to her girlfriend's face, running her thumb along the softness of her cheek and as they broke apart, she nuzzled her nose against Piper's. "Hey."_

" _Hey." The corner of Piper's lips rose like a beautiful sunrise. "I missed you."_

" _I missed you too." She pushed the blonde's hair gently behind her ears. "Too much."_

" _Why are you back so late?" Piper didn't mean to sound clingy, but she believed she had a right to know her girlfriends whereabouts._

" _Fahri took us to the wrong fucking airport. Luckily Kubra wasn't too pissed – but he gave us an earful."_

" _I'll bet." Piper said, as though she knew all about it._

" _Were you waiting up, babe?"_

" _No. Well, I tried not to. I was just…_ concerned. _You have a dangerous job. I guess I just wanted to see you before I fell asleep. So I knew you were safe."_

 _Alex's eyes clouded briefly. "Don't worry about me, Pipes." She trailed her mouth gently along Piper's jaw until she found her lips again. "I'll always come home."_

" _I know. You know me, Al. I can't help but worry. Who's gonna buy me breakfast?" She smirked._

" _Fuck off." The brunette laughed. "You – " she stopped, and looked down – her long eyelashes brushing against her cheeks, "you were all I could think about, funnily enough. The thought of coming back to you was almost enough to make me beg Fahri to drop me off half-way through. What have you turned me into?" Her sigh wasn't a wistful one._

" _You've gone soft on me, Al." She met her eyes again. "I really, really love you."_

 _The mirth vanished from the older woman's face, her green eyes darkened. "I really... really love you too."_

" _Really really?" The blonde said._

" _Really really." She kissed her again._

" _Alex." Piper said, "I mean it though, I've never – loved anyone the way I love you. I don't like to think about you in danger."_

" _I'm not in danger. I promise you, okay? I'll never leave you." There was a startling sincerity in her eyes. "Okay I know it's 3am, but is an orgasm out of the question?" She raised her eyebrow questioningly._

" _Never." Piper pushed herself in closer, and their lips met once again._

* * *

Piper woke up to the sound of Red snoring loudly beside her, even though she had not yet opened her eyes, she knew that it was still night time, despite the prison still being dimly lit. She felt happy, the weight of her dream still firmly surrounding her – still cocooned in the blissful dream of the past. Some part of her knew that it wasn't real, but she wasn't ready to let go. She turned on her pillow, only to hear a rustling beneath her as she did.

Confused and sleepy, she didn't think much of it – until ten minutes later when the dream slipped away and Red's snoring got louder, she folded the pillow around her head – her earplugs had been stolen a few days before and she hadn't had a chance to make any more.

She heard the rustling again. She moved her hand beneath the pillow, and felt a thin piece of paper. Blinking, she gradually opened her eyes, the curiosity was too much.

It was a note, intrigued, she unfolded it, not entirely sure what to expect.

 _I see you're letting Stella get under your skin. Maybe you should fuck her instead of Vause?_

 _Stella is a better associate than Vause ever was – she's smart. Together we're going to make Vause pay – SHU is just step one of my plan. It's cute that you're trying to bail her out, but you won't get anywhere. She'll be dead soon – so you'd better find someone else to keep your bed warm._

 _Oh, and no, you're not going crazy – Aydin delivered this message for me._

 _Believe me, Alex will pay for her betrayal. I'm telling you in advance – that's my reward to you for not ratting me out._

 _See you at the funeral,_

 _Kubra_

 **I warned you it was angsty! I just wanted to acknowledge things that actually happened in episode 8 (we'll just pretend Piper did not show an interest in Stella). Please leave a review – thank you for the ones I've received so far, they mean a lot to me. Until next time!**


	8. Episode 9 - 10

_**I'm so sorry I took almost two weeks to update – my shifts in work have been crazy. I've tried to write as much as possible but exhaustion has won a few times. Anyway, here's the next chapter!**_

 **Episode 9-10**

"… _So Piper Chapman? A Smith's grad with excellent listening skills. Passionate about making customers feel good." Alex looked at the her, then at the barman and indicated that she'd get the younger woman's drink. "Safe, clean and careful when handling food and drink." The older woman mocked, and laughed as Piper snatched her resume back, and held it to her chest as though it was a small child._

" _I like that in a woman." She continued, deliciously surveying Piper once more. Their eyes connected. "What else do I need to know about you?"_

" _Who are you?" Piper said – her eyes darkening and a smile playing on her lips._

" _My name is Alex." The brunette said, she had a way of lacing the simplest of sentences with unspoken innuendo._

" _What do you do, Alex?" The name tasted hot on the blonde's tongue. " – Besides make fun of strangers in bars?"_

" _I work for an international drug cartel." Alex's face remained serious, and Piper's eyebrows rose, a small silence falling between them._

 _Suddenly Alex began to laugh and Piper followed suit, her eyes once again trailing up and down the brunette's body. Instantly there was a connection between them – it was as though they had been speaking for hours and not merely minutes._

" _Alex!" One of the women called from the table she had been sitting at._

 _Alex turned to see her friend Nina looking in her direction._

" _We're hitting Jaxx, you coming?" There was a pregnant pause as Alex considered this, she turned to Piper and the blonde raised her eyebrows, her beautiful smile threatening to fade._

" _No – I'll catch up to you."_

" _Okay." Nina approached them. She had short hair and big earrings that shook as she walked. "Well enjoy yourselves kids."_

" _Fuck off, Nina." Alex laughed fondly at her. "I'll see you later, yeah?"_

" _I wouldn't bet on it." The other woman gave a knowing smile as she walked away. The rest of the small clan that Alex had been sitting with bid her goodbye, each with the same smirk spread across their faces as they left._

" _You wanna sit over there?" Alex indicated towards the empty booth her friends had just vacated._

 _Piper looked down at her margarita, then back up at her and gave a nervous nod. Alex stood up first and Piper followed. They placed themselves in the booth and sat opposite each other, suddenly, delightfully, aware of the lack of distractions._

" _So – " Piper lent forward, elbows resting on the table, hands folded delicately over either elbow. She cleared her throat, words, oddly refusing to form in her mind. "Do you do this a lot then?" She was interrupted for a moment as the waiter brought Alex a dark coloured concoction in a martini glass._

" _Do what?" She said as soon as the bemused waiter walked away, a perfectly tweezed eyebrow rose along with the corners of her lips._

" _Buy women drinks at bars?"_

" _Me? Well, I'd be lying if I said no. What, are you complaining? I could take it back – " Alex laughed, reaching for the martini – not fully intending to seize it._

" _What?" Piper looked mildly startled. "No, I just mean by the look of your friends faces it's not the first time you've done this."_

" _Oh, don't worry about them. I mean fuck, you should see some of their seduction techniques. It'd make you cry with laughter." Alex could barely bring herself to look in the blonde's eyes, because each time that she did – she felt a powerful zing of electricity shoot straight to her centre in one swift, pleasurable motion. It threatened to overwhelm her. She had known this woman all of ten minutes but found herself wanting to know every single thing about her, while also wanting to see what she'd look like moaning her name. She had an innocence about her that was captivating – with a dark undercurrent of mystery. There was more to her than met the eye._

 _She could see the glint in her eyes, the sparkle that said_ taint me.

" _So what_ are _your seduction techniques?"_

" _What makes you think I'm seducing you?"_

" _I don't mean me." Piper said nervously, fiddling with her hair. "I mean in general. Enlighten me. Alex." She liked saying her name, the way the 'X' sounded on her tongue – it made her sex feel like it was on fire._

" _Wow. Trying to learn the tricks of the trade, kid, huh?" Her leg brushed Piper's beneath the table and that shiver came back again. She took a long sip of her drink. "Well I couldn't tell you that now, could I? That's top secret. Besides, wouldn't you rather witness it first-hand?"_

" _Ah, so you are trying to seduce me, huh?"_

" _Maybe a little bit."_

* * *

At the height of summer at Litchfield, all of the hot, sticky, sweltering days had come to a head. The air was thick with humidity. A storm was coming. A bad one. The sun had, just on que, retreated behind the clouds. The skies were darkening with such force and pace that the prison guards were running around like headless chickens - making preparations for the impending weather, backing up generators – that, Piper guessed, would likely fail anyway.

Piper stood opposite Nikki and Red in the kitchen. The silence between then thickened and stretched as both women studied the note that Piper had given them. The note from Kubra. Piper watched as their eyes scanned over and over the note, in the way that she had done the night before. Her body had reacted before she even had, her heart had descended instantly in her chest – her stomach tangling itself up in painful knots. She'd gripped the note tighter. She read it again and tried to get a hold on the words.

 _Alex will pay for her betrayal._

 _See you at the funeral._

She wasn't surprised when she felt herself trembling, her whole body shaking at the thought of Alex's fate. It just couldn't be true, could it? How could this be happening?

But this _was_ real. This _was_ happening.

This wasn't just something she could tell herself that she'd imagined because she had concrete evidence in her hands. The fear she felt made her body freeze over. She was terrified.

Alex was in danger.

Real danger. She was a sitting duck. They were defenceless prisoners in a sea of guards. This was real. If she didn't do something, and fast, the love of her life was going to be brutally murdered.

She didn't doubt Kubra's intentions one bit. When he made a threat, he delivered. Not only that but they weren't alone, Stella was working for him. And Aydin was here somewhere, too.

Fucking brilliant.

" _Shit_." Nikki and Red breathed in unison.

"Is that all you can fucking say?" Piper suddenly shouted. "She's going to be slaughtered and all you can say is _shit?_ Jesus fucking Christ." She started pacing the length of the kitchen. "She's going to die. Alex is going to die. She's all alone and there's nothing we can do to help her. She's going to die alone. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" She kicked the bottom of the countertop, and reeled back with her foot throbbing.

"Chapman. Stop it." Nikki said, running her fingers through her hair. "Fuck me. She's not going to die, alright? We're gonna fix this."

"How? How are we going to fucking fix this, Nikki? We're in prison for fuck's _fucking_ sake. _Shit._ She's going to die." It was then that she broke, she stopped pacing by the wall, slid defeated, down and dragged her knees up to her chin. A deep guttural moan erupted from the depths of her chest, and she howled as though she was an animal in severe pain.

" _Ma_. Say something." Nichols said as she squatted down beside Piper, awkwardly patting her.

"Blondie. There's no way we're going down without a fight. No way we're gonna let someone hurt one of our own." She marched towards Piper. "Pull yourself together. You can cry when she's dead. But you'll be damned to cry until you have a reason to." She stood above the two younger women, suddenly aware of her authority, her power. "I think it's time I went to see Healy. Don't you?"

Piper made an odd squeaking sound and nodded slightly.

"Chapman, go fix yourself." Nikki said. "Red, go see Healy." She stood up, glancing around at the kitchen. "And I'll er, fuck – make dinner."

"I didn't make the food, you know." Red exclaimed as Piper and Nikki exchanged glances. "It had nothing to do with me. Look, it came out of a packet."

"We _know."_ Both women said tiredly. Piper wiped her eyes, suddenly spent.

"Which means I'll have no problem putting that disgusting packet in a pan, now fucking go, Ma, Chapman. Standing around isn't solving shit. Move would'ya."

Red and Nichols held their hands out to the blonde and she accepted by allowing them to pull her up off of the ground.

"I should be doing something. I should be doing more." Piper sniffed, feeling her heartrate shoot up again.

"Vause needs you to be strong for her, okay? We can't have pre-Litchfield Piper right now, alright?" Red said with narrowed eyes. "Now shoo."

* * *

Reluctantly, Piper walked towards the bathroom – everything around her was blurred and unsteady. She was crumbling, disintegrating into nothing. She prayed that Red would get somewhere. It had been long enough. She wasn't sure she could handle life in here without Alex much longer. It was a physical effort each day to face daily life without her.

She reached the bathroom, and was about to go inside the stall for some tissue when she saw Stella standing by the mirror. Stark naked. Her eyes followed Piper in the mirror as she approached.

Piper's eyes scanned down her thin body, covered with colourful tattoos. Her small, pert breasts stood to attention as her eyes connected with Piper's.

" _Hey."_ Stella sang, she turned to face the older woman. "Have you been crying, _Pipes?"_

"Fuck off." Piper spat, the tremors in her body all of a sudden, came to an abrupt standstill. She dug her nails into her side and clenched her teeth together.

"I'm guessing you got Aydin's little note then?"

Her blood boiled – her skin felt as though it was tightening around her bones. She felt no fear. This woman leaning towards her was the reason that Alex was locked up in SHU. She was the reason why Alex was suffering right now. Piper felt her breathing speed up. "Yeah. It makes you happy, does it?" She said between breaths. "Threatening people. You got yourself thrown into prison, for what, a pat on the back from Kubra?"

"Oh, you are coiled up in a spring, aren't you, princess?" She jutted her chest out by placing her hands on her hips.

"You're evil." Piper watched in horror as the woman smiled. That stupid smug smile. The smile spread further as the brunette appeared to drink her in, her eyes lazily drifting from Piper's head to her toes and back again.

"But you like the bad chicks, right? I mean, you fell in love with a drug dealer. I don't think it'll be very long before you're screaming my name."

"In _hell_." _Breathe Piper, breathe – don't rise to it – don't -_

"That's where _Alex_ is right now isn't it? Hell? I think Aydin might have had a little peak in her cell – he said she looked deranged. Looks to me like she'll be begging him to kill her. I bet she thinks you've given up on her. Wouldn't be the first time would it? She's all alone. Poor little baby."

Piper felt her chest tighten, the image of Alex hurting now very prominent in her mind. Her Alex. The love she felt for her pooled at the centre of her chest, and swelled until she became hot with seething rage. She moved closer to Stella, who didn't move or flinch as the blonde approached her, the ghost of a smile still flickering on her lips.

"Touchy, aren't you?" Her eyes met Piper's directly. "Personally I think you can do better than an overgrown drongo with an inferiority complex. But that's just me I –" Stella was cut off by a sudden fist connecting with her cheekbone, a surprising forcefulness behind the blow. It was as though she had been hit with a rock. Piper wasn't certain as to whether or not the brunette had expected it, but she gathered she'd been taken by surprise. A pleasant feeling spread over her as she watched, with satisfaction as Stella's scantily clad body fell back against the mirror. Her hand cried out in pain but she didn't care.

"You little bitch." Stella said with a smaller voice than before, clutching her cheek. She raised her own fist as Piper approached her again, but the blonde was surprisingly deft. She was faster. She hit Stella again, everything she had felt in the past few weeks, the grief, the pain, the hurt and the anger melding together as she once again felt the bones in her hand meet with the soft flesh of Stella's face. With the second, almost sickening blow, Stella landed with a thud on the floor. The smugness of her features _finally_ wavering.

Piper didn't regret it. "The first one was for Alex. The second one was for me, you psychotic cunt." She felt herself hissing the words, the hatred dripping from her words. It was then that she realised the sheer strength of the love between herself and Alex. The love that brought her to this very prison in the first place. The love that kept her up all night. The love that was both beautiful and agonising. The love that brought her here, standing over this pathetic excuse for a human being.

The love that would _save_ Alex.

Red was right. Fuck crying. That wouldn't solve anything.

She wasn't giving up. She turned around and left the bathroom – the words, "you'll regret this, Chapman!" Echoing behind her.

* * *

Alex lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, the same ceiling that she had been staring at for almost a month. Her thoughts came to her slower now, they weren't as fierce or urgent. They were lazy, almost defeated. She glanced across at the wall, at the collage she had made out of a cottage pie. Time now seemed irrelevant, as she had nowhere to go, nothing to get up for – as day or night, she was here, staring at the ceiling.

It eventually hit her. She was waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for Aydin. Waiting for death.

Hope seemed so very, very far away. Like finding water in the desert. She barely slept because she did nothing to exhaust herself, she barely ate because she couldn't bring herself to keep going. The only reason she got out of bed was to check to if Piper had sent another note.

But there was nothing.

It seemed so long ago now. So long ago since she'd last heard _anything_ from Piper, as though she'd finally given up on her. She wouldn't though. Piper wouldn't give up.

Would she?

Everyone else did. In the end.

Was that what she was now, a lost cause?

She fiddled with her glasses – and thought of her flaxen haired love once more. The one person in the world who gave her existence some meaning. Even in the years without her, she'd still been in the back of her mind, because she had experienced that kind of life-altering love – it was hard to adjust to the world without it. Without her. Even after the pain she endured – it made her feel like she was alive, like she was finally breathing.

It was a terrifying thought to think that one single solitary human being held the power to make her life worth living.

With Piper, the world transformed from its lazy, mundane hue to a wonderful technicolour, a beautiful tapestry interwoven of their love. With Piper, Alex knew an overwhelming passion and happiness, a shine that made her heart want to keep beating.

Sex. _Fucking._ That's what Alex always called it, but in the back of her mind – she always knew that it was much more than that. It _was_ making love. She'd be damned if she ever said it, but words could not describe the euphoric feeling of watching Piper unravel beneath her, the soft – intricate delicacy of Piper's features as the world blurred around her and she reached her climax. The look in her oceanic eyes as she came. That was true beauty.

Even when they fought, the fire was always there. Love and hate were such close friends. Sometimes the lines between the two were hard to extinguish. When Piper had broken her heart, she felt as though she hated her with such ferocity that she could destroy cities with it.

Yet she realised that the hate was so strong because she _loved_ her so much.

That fire, that passion – that _love,_ took away the mundanity of everyday life. It made her see a life that was filled with infinite possibilities and dreams. Of the adventures they'd have.

But it'd all gone so wrong.

They were young and stupid - and now they were in prison. Even though Piper had brought her back here, she somehow understood why she had. That love had made her forgive her. They were both in Litchfield – but at least they were together. They were finally on the same page when she'd got her ass dragged to SHU. And now, yes, she was in severe danger.

Somehow it all seemed so distant, from that day she had seen Aydin's lifeless eyes through the gap in the door. The same eyes that had burned through her after he shot Fahri. In her mind an endless number of days had passed since he had stared straight into her soul.

It felt so long ago that it was almost a dream.

She knew it wasn't – but she wasn't sure she cared anymore. The fear had become so consuming that she could barely feel it, it lived within her so prominently that she had gotten used to it. Like growing an extra limb and learning to function with it.

Since she'd come back in here, she hadn't seen the Alex she had recognised. The Alex that stood tall, and laughed in the face of all of those who fucked her over. The Alex who acted braver than she felt, whose eyeliner felt like it protected her – and gave her some sort of power. The Alex that believed she was stronger than this, the woman who had so much more hope than the Alex she was now. The pre-SHU Alex had the anger that gave her power. This Alex had lost her fight – this Alex was a ghost.

Real life ceased to exist. She had not spoken to another human being for four weeks. She had not been touched or heard. She hadn't smiled, or laughed. She hadn't seen Piper. She closed her eyes and hummed to herself, a tune that she had been humming on loop for several days. She didn't know what it was, but the sound that echoed reminded her that she was alive. She was breathing.

* * *

" _You're not gonna win this, kid." Alex took another shot from the collection in front of them, brought it to her lips and swallowed it – barely wincing as the fiery liquid made its way down her throat. "I'll drink you under the table."_

 _Piper smiled a smile that said, 'we'll just see about that' and downed another. They continued doing this, their eyes focused on each other – the air between them thick and hot._

 _Alex swayed slightly._

" _Oh – going drink me under the table, are you? You look like you're about to fall underneath it." Piper commented dryly._

" _I'm fine." Alex exclaimed. She was far from it, in fact – the warm feeling in Alex's chest – she knew, had nothing to do with the alcohol. The feeling had expanded down from her chest to her centre,. She watched as the blonde stretched her arms and her torso expanded, her breasts rising as she did. Alex felt her sex spark. She took a breath, overwhelmed by the arousal overtaking her._

" _Tell me something about yourself, Alex." Piper said, shaking her from her fantasy._

 _She realised she'd been staring, she pushed her glasses up over her hair – she pursed her lips. "Like what?"_

" _Anything."_

" _I'm gay." She laughed then, a deep laugh that warmed the atmosphere between them further._

"No! _" The blonde feigned surprise. "Really? I never would have guessed."_

" _Well fuck – I must be sending out all of the wrong signals. And you're-"_

" _I'm.. I, don't believe in labels. What's the point? I like hot people, regardless of their gender." Piper looked directly at the older woman – indicating her attraction towards her._

" _Fair enough." Alex said raising an eyebrow, "am I one of these 'hot' people?"_

 _The alcohol had dulled Piper's truth-telling filter. "Uh, yeah."_

" _Right back at you, kid."_

 _Piper's hands were resting on the table, palms upright and her face leaning towards Alex. Unknowingly, the brunette brushed the blonde's fingers with her own – both drew their arms back, surprised at the frisson that instantly ignited between the two of them._

" _So what is it that you really do?" Piper finally asked._

" _I work for an international drug cartel." There was that unapologetic silence again, only this time – Piper didn't laugh._

" _What, really?"_

" _Uh huh." Alex nodded, watching the younger woman – not wanting to lie to her, but not wanting her to run away either. In fact, she wanted her to stay with such intensity that it frightened even her. "It's not as bad as you'd think, actually. I mean, in simple terms, I just get people to transport drugs for me. It pays the bills."_

 _Piper's mouth, despite herself, fell open. "Well, uh…"_

" _Shit – it's no big deal really." She drew herself in closer._ Please stay, _she willed_. _"I was never well behaved in school, I never went to college – I didn't come from money, it was just my mom and me. My prospects were pretty slim." She watched Piper's expression slowly turned from shock, to intrigue – her innocent blue eyes watching her with open curiousity – following her every movement as though she was in awe. For a moment, before she blinked, Alex saw something within her – something that separated her from all of those other women, the steel behind them. She had a strength, an air of intelligence that identified her as something very special indeed. She continued to drink in the sight of her, her long flaxen curls falling over her lithe body._

 _She wanted her._

 _Her centre throbbed – her heart rose._

" _I just finished college and my prospects are probably even slimmer than yours." She smiled, but Alex sensed the frustration behind the statement._

" _Looking for a job?" Alex grinned. "We're about to travel the world very shortly. It's going to be amazing."_

 _Piper's countenance brightened, "Do you often ask strangers to travel with you?"_

" _Only the cute ones."_

 _She laughed, brushing it off as her cheeks reddened once more. "Honestly, I'd love to teach – share my love of Literature."_

 _They really were pole opposites, but Alex felt herself drawn to her like a magnet. The chemistry between them was unmistakeable – wasn't it? She could feel it, surely? "I did have you pegged for a lit degree. You've got that vibe about you. So a teacher huh? Forcing little brats to read How to Kill a Mockingbird. Sounds fun."_

" _I appreciate the sarcasm." She smiled to show that she didn't take it offensively. "I'd love to find those rare few kids, who have a genuine passion for English. Like I did. You read?"_

" _Fuck yeah." Alex said, she picked up on younger woman looking mildly surprised. "Hey, don't judge a_ book, _by its cover." They shared a look. "I read anything and everything –"_

" _I have to admit, as someone with a lit degree I find that really attractive." She laughed, and changed the subject. "So when do you leave?"_

" _A few weeks."_

" _Oh."_

" _You look a bit deflated there, kid."_

" _I think we need a few more shots, don't you?" Piper said, jumping up – trying her best to ignore the heavy sinking feeling in her chest._

 _They approached the bar again, and another two hours ticked by without either women noticing – an array of glasses lay across the table. Both women were leaning across the table, merely inches from each other's faces._

" _What happened?" Piper said loudly, wide-eyed and totally immersed in the brunette's story._

" _I don't really know." Alex moved her hair away from her face, the bar around them was full now, buzzing with music and people. She could barely comprehend the fact that time had passed. It felt like moments ago that they had first met – but also a lifetime ago. The lights had darkened, and people were dancing ambitiously on the dance floor. "I woke up surrounded by pig ornaments. And someone's wedding photo."_

" _What? Jeez! I feel like my experiences are very vanilla compared to yours."_

" _Well you're a fucking good girl aren't you? I bet you always have to plan how everything is going to turn out. Do you ever just_ do _something? Jump in with both eyes closed?" They had to shout in each other's ears now because the music had increased in volume._

" _No but maybe I will, sometime soon." She answered in return, her cheek brushing up against the older woman's, her smooth skin felt like a caress against her own face. The sparks between them increased. A fire had started between them._

" _You wanna dance?" Alex suddenly said, she stood up, very unsteady on her feet. She was drunker than she thought._

" _Sure." Alex held out her hand, and Piper slowly got to her feet. She hadn't drunk this much for a long time. If ever. Her hand closer around Alex's, and she felt her nipples harden as she followed her – fingers interwoven._

 _A familiar tune started to play, Piper recognised it as Crazy in Love by Beyonce – it had been playing everywhere lately, on the radio – in stores, she told herself she hated it but the second the music started to play, she found herself shaking to it. She seemed to take on a life of her own as the introduction started. They'd reached the dance floor – which was overflowing now with sweaty bodies and empty minds._

 _Beyonce began to sing in the background – and Piper moved her body in time with the beat. Alex watched her with a smirk on her face – enticed by this beautiful creature. The song was a little too mainstream for her taste but her body twitched in response._

 _It was a different world a club or a bar, despite clashing tastes of different music genres – the general rule was when a song came on with a good beat, you just danced._

 _Before she could even think about it, Alex began to move her limbs. Her body took over. The alcohol made her more uncoordinated than usual, but she still knew she could dance - to some degree._

 _They laughed as they moved in time with the music, eyes not wavering from one another's – they moved closer together and wordlessly, started to weave their bodies in and out together. Skin grazing skin. As the chorus came, Piper turned around and dropped slowly to the floor – the crowds around her blurry as she slowly came back up – pressing the curve of her ass against Alex. She was both surprised and delighted when a pair of hands twined around her. The arms hands moved slowly down her arms as the melody continued, and then, eventually – briefly, over her chest – down her taunt stomach and slower now, again over her centre. Her hands were light at first, but pressed wonderfully harder against her sex. She moaned._

 _She turned around, still locked in the other woman's embrace. She pressed her body in closer so that they were chest to chest – noses brushing against each other. Piper looked down, Alex felt the blonde's eyelashes against her cheek. She moved one of her hands up against Piper's cheek. The music seemed to fade away.. Piper looked back into her eyes, suddenly afraid and excited at the same time. Her skin burned as Alex trailed her fingers up and down her cheekbone._

 _Alex felt as though she was dreaming, as her own green eyes found the beautiful blue ones. She felt herself grow wetter like she was going to melt. Piper closed her eyes. They moved closer, until finally their lips met. It was as though everything that had led up until this moment had been a pathway to this, their lip's eventual meeting. Their tongues entered each other's mouths, hot – wet, insistent kisses – Piper's hands, finally, finally, grasped Alex's body, one arm, arousingly, moving through the brunette's hair – whilst the other moved from the small of her back to the curve of her ass._

 _Alex's pulled her in tighter, electricity scorching her body. She gently bit Piper's lower lip – and in return, heard the blonde moan into her mouth. When the need to breathe became absolutely essential, they parted – smiling in unison. They knew that something inexplicably beautiful had unfolded between the two, something so tightly woven that it could never be broken._

* * *

It was unusually quiet in the prison, as though everyone had surrendered to the power of the storm. Mother Nature over humanity. Piper lay in her bed, and as she always seemed to be lately, she stared up at the ceiling – sleep neither coming nor going, it was no longer an option. Simply a foreigner on its travels. She had been waiting, really. Waiting for the consequences to her actions.

She rubbed her sore knuckles from where she'd hit Stella. She didn't regret it. She wasn't afraid. It had felt like a twisted version of justice. Seeing Stella's strangely symmetrical face contorted with pain had made her feel very satisfied indeed.

She listened to the thunder as it rumbled and echoed through the quiet prison, she could hear the faraway sound of rain lashing against the building outside.. Every now and then, lightening would flicker through and illuminate all of the sleeping inmates in their beds. Each time it would startle Piper, and start the cycle of her thoughts once more. Her eyes kept straying over to Red's empty bed – she wondered where she was. It was gone midnight.

She hadn't seen the Russian since this morning when she'd broken down. Since Red had said she was going to speak to Healy. Why wasn't she back? Had she done something terrible and gotten sent to SHU herself? Surely not. Red wasn't stupid.

Red was helping her. She was helping Alex.

 _Alex. Come back._

She felt a tear escape her eye. She didn't sob. She didn't wipe it away, her eyes still focused on the ceiling. She was so aware of the agony in her chest, it felt hollow. It was the reason why she couldn't eat or sleep. It was always there. That huge empty void that left with Alex, it was expanding and eating away at her like a black hole. She felt as though she was suffocating with the humidity. It was so close that she had to lay on top of the covers. When she inhaled she felt as though the air was so tight that there was no oxygen left. The more she thought about it, the harder it became to breathe. So her eyes remained open, leaking down onto her white pillow.

Her eyes closed when the thunder clapped louder – and when she opened them, she felt different. There was something different. Someone was there. Slowly, she opened her lids again, afraid what she'd find when she opened them.

She heard footsteps.

She couldn't bring herself to look anywhere but the ceiling. She was imagining it.

Right?

Except that she wasn't. Finally, without thinking about it properly, she propped herself up – and saw a pair of black boots. Slowly, her eyes moved up the body – a pair of long legs in orange trousers, arms clasped behind the figure's back, a long torso with a busty chest. It was a woman. She reached the shoulders and saw jet black hair spread over them. Quickly, her frantic eyes shot up. Her eyes met a pair of emerald ones behind a pair of glasses. They looked tired – empty almost. Her skin was ghostly, cheekbones sharp and prominent, but it was _her._

It was Alex.

Realisation dawned on Piper – she studied her once more, the green eyes brightening.

It was Alex. Alex was here. This wasn't a dream.

" _Alex?"_ The blonde said.

" _Pipes."_ The older woman said in a broken voice – it was hoarse, as though she hadn't spoken for a long time.

They watched each other.

"Is this _real_?" Piper cried, her body shaking – the thunder echoing around her, the rain slashing harder outside.

Finally coming to her senses, Alex shot towards Piper – they instantly locked in an embrace. Alex pressed her nose into the younger woman's neck, inhaling the scent that made her heart soar. She felt Piper's arms tighten around her and she suddenly felt warmer, safer. She wrapped her arms around her as tight as they could go. Her heart was pounding, soaring. She didn't feel alone.

Piper's arms ran up and down her back, as though she couldn't believe she was there – that she wasn't a dream. Alex felt her fingers twisting through her hair and it sent a wonderful zing down her back. She pulled back slightly and nuzzled her nose against her girlfriend's, their eyes looked into one another's and their lips merged in a frenzy. They were both so broken – so beaten and bound, bound to one another. Scorching urgent kisses were exchanged between them as their hands met each other.

Alex pushed Piper down on her little single bed, straddling her. She kissed her over and over, along her jaw – her neck, and back again to her lips. She didn't realise she was crying until she felt a wetness on Piper's face. Piper looked up at her and slowly, wiped them away – kissing her in return. As their mouth's briefly parted, Alex looked into Piper's eyes – they touched each other slowly, gently as though either could quite believe they were there, together. They rolled over so that both were laying on the mattress, side to side, nose to nose. The passionate kisses, slowly, beautifully slowly, eventually ceased. With their arms wrapped around each other, neither could bring themselves to speak, too afraid that words would render this moment between them. Alex gently pushed Piper's hair behind her ear, and with her index finger and middle finger she stroked the line of her jaw.

Piper couldn't believe that this was real, that Alex was here, lying next to her. Her heart expanded, and her entire body lit up as Alex touched her. She looked into the brunette's eyes, they were no longer empty, and they were beautiful and vibrant, mirroring and echoing the love that resonated between them.

Their hands ran across each other's bodies, finger tips grazing skin – it was as though they were trying to absorb every single ounce of each other. Alex looked at Piper with the most vulnerable expression that Piper felt an overpowering sense of love - a devouring need to protect that was so severe that she could feel fresh tears pooling in her eyes. She wanted to know what happened. How she got out. But mostly there was one thing she wanted to know above everything, "are you okay?"

Alex opened her mouth, she had to think about how to speak – it had been so long since she had even formed a perfect word in her mouth. "No – I, Piper… It was horrible," every piece of her had been broken and rendered into tiny scattered fragments. SHU had made her into a shadow of herself, she'd been completely isolated and cut off from the world, and now that she was here – looking into the eyes of the one she loved, the relief, the sheer unadulterated relief of being out of there – the happiness of seeing Piper again. It made her feel whole again. She was far from okay, but with Piper – she felt as though there was hope. There was light. For that moment, when she looked into those eyes – Aydin, Kubra and SHU floated away from her mind. Her heart swelled. Tears were still pouring down her face as she thought about it, "I was so alone. I didn't know if I was _ever_ going to fucking get out. I missed you. I really fucking missed you." She couldn't prevent the tears from falling, she felt a stabbing pain rise in her throat – and a sob broke out.

Piper pulled her closer, so that the brunette cried into her chest, she stroked her hair – the grief and relief mixing together in her chest. "I'm so sorry, Al. I did everything I could. I never, ever stopped trying – please believe me."

Alex opened her mouth to reply, when a loud click interrupted her. Both women looked at one another, and then up at the direction of the noise. They sat up – and noticed a figure standing in the doorway, and another to the left of it.

They were met with the sight of Aydin holding a gleaming silver pistol over them, and Stella standing, smiling behind him.

"Sorry to interrupt." Aydin said pointing the gun downwards, "But you're both going to have to come with me. Right now."

 **Did I just - ? I'm sorry! Don't hate me… there's going to be about two more chapters. Bear with me and please leave a review, your thoughts are very important to me.**

 **Until next time!**


	9. Episode 11-12

**Thanks for the reviews. Yes, I was a little cruel with my cliffhanger in the last chapter and for that I apologise!**

 **Okay here's your** **warning** **– This chapter is M rated, it contains sexual scenes and dreadful language. This is also a pretty heavy one, so be prepared!**

Ep 11-12

"Make a sound and you're dead." Aydin hissed, the gleaming pistol extended from his hand like an unwelcome friend. "Now stand up, both of you." The thunder crashed around them, and the rain hammered down outside with no sign of relenting.

Alex felt everything within her freeze – icy tremours shooting down her back. Sweat formed at the base of her neck, and her heart painfully drew back on itself. She felt the blood within her body slow right down, she could feel her erratic pulse echoing in her ears. She could feel Piper's cool fingers wind around hers – it steadied her and grounded her. It reminded her that she had something worth fighting for.

Some _one_.

The words had barely left Aydin's lips when her eyes found Piper's, she was paper-white – the beautiful depths of her blue eyes were shielded by her dilated pupils. They searched her own, fear very prominent within them. In the glances exchanged between them, they were forced to agree that they had no choice.

The gun in his hand meant they had very little option but to comply.

Slowly, Alex got to her feet and Piper followed, their interlinking fingers holding on to each other for dear life.

"Isn't that sweet Stella? Look at them – like lambs to slaughter." Aydin said, it was then that Alex mustered the courage to look at him – to look into those eyes that she last looked into properly when he'd betrayed her. When he'd killed their friend. His _friend_. They were the eyes she'd looked into once and thought she'd found an ally. Someone who understood her. She'd been so wrong. He murdered their friend in cold blood. He wasn't human. He was a monster.

He was going to kill them. He was going to kill Piper. No – _no!_ Please. All the fear Alex felt up to this very moment rose within her and combusted in a violent frenzy of flames. The flames licked at her, and scorched her – the fear made her wince and tremble. It made her feel like cowering in a corner, shutting her eyes and praying for it all to blow over. That wasn't going to happen. She felt Piper's heavy breaths behind her, she ran her shaking thumb along her hand.

" _Move."_ He hissed, she felt Piper's hands tighten around hers. She mustered a squeeze that was meant to be reassuring. How she even managed to do that, when she was locked in her own prison of fear – was nothing short of a miracle.

Alex had to practically pull Piper along, the blonde's expression was dazed – almost in a trance as she took slow and steady steps behind Alex. Aydin waited for them to leave the bunk– following them both carefully with the gun, when they were out – he moved behind them and gestured for them to keep walking.

Alex felt her world turning, jumbled thoughts flying through her head. Where was he going to take them? What the fuck was he going to do? And where the _fuck_ were the prison guards? This was meant to be a secure facility for fuck's sake.

Piper lifted her eyes to the booth where the guards usually sat at night – and hoped, prayed – _willed_ for them to be there. But they weren't. It was empty.

Her eyes searched through the glass and it was only when they trudged passed that she noticed it wasn't vacant at all. The new young guard, the one whose name she didn't know - she called him Babyface, lay slumped on the table, accompanied by Bell. She could see that their eyes were closed. Piper didn't care for them a great deal, but she hoped they weren't dead. Her eyes searched for blood, but they moved too quickly for her to see properly. She looked at Alex again, trying to ground herself. Her emerald eyes were wide – her eyebrows were high, her trembling mouth set in a grim line.

She looked terrified, there was no trace of hope on her face. _Shit,_ Piper realised - they were royally fucked. Her eyes studied the brunette's face and she realised they'd forgotten her glasses. Why did she care? She wondered. Why the fuck was she thinking about a pair of glasses at a time like this?

She felt Alex's fingers squeeze hers, she tried to stop herself free-falling in sheer terror. They were alone, they were defenceless – they were going to die.

In the dim prison lights they walked passed the sleeping prisoners. The rain continued to lash down outside – the rumble of thunder felt as though it was vibrating the ground, churning up all of the happiness and spitting it back out.

Lightening flashed and a figure appeared before Alex, at first it was unrecognisable – wild unruly hair – as though the storm had awoken a sleeping lion. The light faded away and Alex was greeted by a face she hadn't seen for so long.

Nikki.

"I thought I could hear someone creepin' around. Holy fuck Vause! You're back." She grinned but slowly her smile began to falter. Alex watched as the younger woman put two and two together – taking in Alex's expression, looking behind her to see Piper – Stella, Aydin and a gun. Her features moved from delight, to shock, and then quickly, to fear. " _Fuck!"_ She said, her mouth dropping open, hands falling limply to her sides.

"Don't you dare fucking move." Aydin said, angling the gun towards her.

"Whoa, whoa – what the hell is going on here?" She whispered, aware that if she allowed her voice to rise – she'd be in very deep shit indeed.

"Don't say another word." Aydin's deathly tone was enough to make her close her mouth. She stared down the face of the gun, her eyes moving hurriedly from it to Vause and then back to Chapman.

" _Great."_ Stella sighed. "Anyone else want to join the Lesbian Death Parade? Aydin – we gotta move."

He nodded tightly and held the gun towards the three, indicating for them to keep moving. He reluctantly had to add a new member to their party. It was two against three – but it might as well have been three against a hundred because Aydin held the gun.

One flick of the trigger and one – if not all three of them could become ghosts in the blink of an eye.

They shuffled through the empty halls, Alex wasn't sure where he was planning to lead them until they approached the empty library. She could barely bring her legs to move one in front of the other because they were trembling that much – it was Piper that pulled her now.

Why was she in such a hurry for them to die?

* * *

Aydin told them sternly not to step on the ' _Caution! Do Not Enter'_ sign. The gaps between the two crisscrossed signs were big enough for them to step through, the library had not been reopened since the outbreak of bedbugs. It was now an empty room, with empty bookshelves, abandoned chairs and tables. When all of them were inside, Aydin closed the door carefully behind them.

He'd made it look as though they hadn't entered the room at all.

He seemed to rise above them, with the gun in his hand he was neither a God nor a demon – but something in-between, like he was the Grim Reaper deciding whether or not to cross them off of his list.

"Sit down!" He ordered the three of them. No guards were going to come. There were only two on duty, and the rest of the prison was asleep. It was one o'clock in the morning and their pleads and cries had been silenced by the force of the storm. The thunder seemed quite fitting, really. It showed no signs of relenting. The wind howled like a vengeful ghoul.

Reluctantly, the three sit on the steel chairs that surrounded the table.

Stella approached Alex from behind, suddenly she felt her wrists being bound together. She winced as the younger pulled tightly - letting the thick metal wires press into her veins, making Alex feel sick and faint.

Piper watched as Stella smiled each time she created a new loop – taking all freedom away from Alex. Her insides twisted painfully each time the brunette squeezed her eyes tightly shut. What was she doing? Why was she just watching this happen? She couldn't just let her die. They were helpless but she had to try something. She squared her jaw, and tried to catch Nikki's eye – but she was staring ahead at the gun, both enticed and terrified by it – so aware of its presence, its power.

Piper turned away and looked ahead, contemplating her next move. If she could just kick out her leg and –

" _Don't_ you dare even fucking think about it." Aydin said quickly catching her eye – pointing the pistol not at her, but at Alex. "You make one move, _one_ and she dies right now. _Right fucking now._ Don't think I won't, kid. Business is business at the end of the day. Your life. Her life. Even her life – " he indicated towards Stella, "means _shit_ to me. You understand?"

Piper wanted so desperately to reach out to Alex and hold her, to feel the warmth of her body pressed against hers. To bury her face into her neck. But she couldn't. Her jaw tightened further and she nodded slowly – everything within her long, urging – crying out to scream. To scream with fear – to get someone to help, to cry _please don't let them kill her_. Not Alex. Not Nikki. She didn't want to die like this. Not at the hands of someone else. This was all her fault. All her fucking fault. Alex was going to die right here because she'd put her in this prison.

Alex could have got away, she could have been free, she could have been safe, but because of her own sheer selfishness and lonliness – she was going to die. Piper was the one that deserved to die. Not her, not her Alex. She deserved so much better. Her love for her was selfish – her love had effectively put her there in the chair that she was in now, with a gun pointed at her head.

All the _bullshit_ between herself and Alex that had led up to this moment seemed so meaningless. Piper looked up as the lightening flashed again. They were going to die and there was nothing they could do.

Within ten minutes, the three women bound to the chairs – the thin wiry metal between them and sweet freedom. It was thin but it was strong. Their legs were tied with an equal amount of forcefulness. The room was momentarily silent – the only sounds that could be heard was Nikki's erratic breathing and the clicking of the gun.

The silence was quickly broken by the sound of Aydin's wry laughter.

"Oh, we could have a lot of fun with this, couldn't we – we have all night, anything can happen in a night." He seemed so different to Alex, not that she saw him in her head as anything but a murderer – but he'd once seemed human. The last shred of his humanity died with Fahri. Aydin had given his soul to a druglord. She had never known him, not really. She was disgusted by the smile playing on his lips, and the glint in the vast oblivion of his eyes. He was no longer _just_ Kubra's minion – because now he thrived from it, he was going to enjoy this. He was going thrive from taking her life. He was going to relish in making her watch him take Piper's– an overwhelming searing pain penetrated her chest.

She couldn't do this. He couldn't do this. Please – God no. She'd never believed in any higher power, she'd been fucked over too many times for that. There was too much pain in the world for a god to exist, too much hurt, anguish and disease. However, just for this one moment she longed for this imaginary being to help her. She'd never prayed, and committed far too many sins to name but she willed for some force to save them.

Alex caught Nikki's wide eyes, she shouldn't be here – not that any of them should be, but she could have flown under the radar, but sadly her wonderfully fucked up friend had turned up at the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn't fair.

"Here – I kept it safe." Stella said from behind them, tying the last knot around Piper's leg. She pulled out something from the back of her trousers, it was a long black cylinder. Alex recognised it as a silencer. She handed it to Aydin.

No one would hear the gunshots when they eventually came. That somehow made it more real to Alex. She realised that he wasn't just doing this to scare them – he'd come prepared. Of course he had. Why was she kidding herself? She'd betrayed Kubra – there we no dry runs, not when she'd done this. She knew the drill.

Aydin was about to open his mouth when a hollow vibrating resonated from his pocket. He gave a small sigh and motioned for Stella to follow him. He pressed the phone to his ear, and they momentarily vanished behind the bookshelf.

Instantly the three women looked at each other quickly.

" _Fuck."_ Alex hissed, no other adequate word forming on her lips. Her eyes shot from Nikki's to Piper's, who held her gaze with a startling sincerity and fear.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" Nichol's voice trembled like a small earthquake.

"I don't know." Piper said. "Alex, are you okay?"

"I'm just dandy – thanks for asking Chapman." Nikki spat – fidgeting uncomfortably, her expression dropped again when her eyes settled on the brunette. Her eyes had clouded over, tears were streaked down her face.

"We're going to die." Alex said simply. "It's all my fault. All of it is – _Pipes_ you'd never be here if it wasn't for me. Fuck – you could be happily married to Larry right now. Safe." Her eyes found the blonde's, etched with pain and despair. "I'm sorry. And I'm fucking sorry you got dragged into this, Nik."

"That's it? That's fucking it?" Nikki's whisper almost became a shout. "You're giving up? Vause – you're the bravest person I know. If you give up –" Her voice cracked. "Shit. Then we are gonna die."

They fell into a silence, forced to listen to Aydin talking on the phone.

" _Yes._ I know." He said, "yes, we were forced to bring her along. Of course. That goes without saying. Send a car in an hour for the bodies. Yeah." They heard the click of his phone as he put it in his pocket.

"So?" They heard Stella question as they came back into view.

"Hmm. What do you think?"

"I say the blonde." She stepped towards Piper.

Piper could see the bruise she'd caused on the younger woman's perfect face, a dark blue bruise lining her cheekbone, making it more prominent. Her oddly wide eyes came closer as she leant towards her. "This is for earlier."

" _No!"_ Alex screamed.

"Shut the fuck up!" Aydin said, turning the gun on her once again.

Alex closed her mouth, pain falling over her features as Stella balled her fist, drew it back and, without hesitatingm sent it flying towards Piper's face. It landed right below her eye – Alex heard her cry out as the crack echoed. Her head lolled back, a swelling already forming beneath her eye. Stella pulled her fist back again – and hit her harder the second time so that Piper's head fell forwards, instantly knocked out.

"Wake her up." Aydin said to Stella. "I want Vause to see what I'm about to do next."

* * *

 _Piper walked with purpose down the hall, her anger providing her with a steady pace. She hardly saw the faces of the inmates as she passed them. She'd just been released from SHU – she was finally out of there._

 _It had felt like several lifetimes that she'd been staring at those four walls. It felt so good to be free. Alex was the only thought in her mind. She thought about putting finally her lips to hers, feeling her warm body pressed against hers. It'd been eight long years, without the feel of her breasts against hers, looking into her eyes as she orgasmed, eight years of not hearing that beautiful low husky moan that Alex tried, and failed to supress. She missed it all._

 _She thought about it a lot in SHU, she thought about what Healy said to her – and how much it disgusted her. He was a homophobic, misogynistic pig. Fuck him for saying what he said. Fuck him for sending her to SHU for dancing._ For dancing 'provocatively' as his highness deemed. She quickened her pace as she passed his office. _Really?_ She thought as she strode passed, giving his door the finger.

 _When Healy had left she had no longer felt sad and lost. She was just really fucking angry. She felt justified in her anger – and not_ just _to spite him, she let herself think about Alex. Being in SHU gave her time to fantasise. To reminisce of all the times Alex had made her clench the pillow in a hot sweat. When they'd danced up against each other to that old routine they'd made to_ Milkshake _, she had felt it instantly. Of course, it was always there – that wilted flower just waiting for the sun to come out again. Ready to bloom. She'd stared up at the wall and pushed Larry from her mind. She found, surprisingly that it wasn't that hard._

 _She had laid there with desire gnawing at her – making her hot and restless. Her mind painted with memories of Alex's long raven tresses scattered along the pillow, her storytelling eyes boring up into hers. Her ghostly white breasts so soft in her hands – her translucent skin soft beneath her fingertips. Alex always desired so much power, she always needed to be in control, but in the rare moments such as the one in her memory, she was free and careless. Ready to succumb to pleasure._

 _She thought about it right up until they told her she was free. She didn't care how she got out – not for the moment. She wanted –_ needed _Alex right now. Right fucking now._

" _Holy shit Chapman – you're out." She heard Nikki say as she passed her._

 _She strode with purpose to Alex, who was bent over her bed. She instantly turned when she heard Nikki announce the blonde's arrival._

" _Oh my God." Alex said, her features lighting up._

 _All Piper did was look at her and hold out her hand – the brunette wordlessly grabbed it and let herself be led._

" _Let's get out of here." Piper said by means of explanation._

" _Are you okay?" Alex wondered aloud, bewildered by the Piper's cold exterior._

 _Piper said nothing until they arrived in the chapel._

" _What are we doing here?"_

 _Piper didn't answer, she finally met her eyes – Alex's beautiful face tainted with confusion. Her expression changed. Piper reached out and suddenly their lips were colliding, hands on each other's faces, all she knew, and all she was at this very moment was Alex. She felt the brunette running her hands through her hair, greedily – hungrily. She felt her hot tongue in her mouth, and instantly her body responded in the way it always did. Like thunder following lightening. The clothes between them were too much, she tugged at Alex's top – the kiss broke for a split second as she removed it, and she felt a wetness pool at her sex in response to Alex's darkening eyes, their lips met again. Alex pawed at her top and expertly pulled it over her shoulders. Between kisses their breaths were heavy Piper moved to undo Alex's bra. It was all happening so fast, she wanted to slow it down, but she couldn't. Eight long years she had waited, and regretted and longed, yearned – prayed for this moment. It was here, and she wanted to savour it, but she couldn't. She wanted it so badly, her centre burned, it hungered for Alex's deft fingers. She needed her now._

 _She undid her bra, her eyes fell down to the brunette's naked breasts, and eagerly she moved down and kissed them, she bit her gently as she did. She felt Alex pull on her own bra. She adjusted her position to accommodate her. She felt Alex's eyes move down her body and she shuddered with want – without breaking eye contact, using only her thumbs Alex placed them inside Piper's waistband and moved slowly down, relieving the blonde of any remaining clothing._

"Fuck." _Alex breathed, drinking the sight of her in. Piper cast her gaze upwards at her, and slowly moved downwards and removed the last of the older woman's clothes in return._

 _Anything could have happened, any single person could have walked in and taken this away from them. They could both get their asses sent to SHU, but neither woman thought about it. They were lost in the ocean of each other._

 _They were both standing there, looking at one another in the dim light of the chapel – breathing heavily with pounding hearts and throbbing centres. It was as though they were stalling for time, both afraid and alight with their old friend lust. Looking into each other's eyes, they both realised how long it had been, all of the heartbreak and the endless years of grief – all that time without each other. Alex had thought she'd never see Piper like this again, so exposed and so beautifully enchanting with those blue eyes holding hers. She was afraid for it to begin and afraid for it to end._

 _Before Alex could stop herself, she placed her hand on Piper's face. The electricity between them ignited and they met again – together sliding down onto the hard floor so that Piper was straddling Alex._

 _It mattered little where they were - the hardness of the floor, or the tainted sanctity of the chapel was meaningless in comparison to the heat between them, the desire and the love._

 _They kissed passionately, clawing at one another – they couldn't get enough. Eight years' worth of longing and want building up between them. The love reignited instantaneously. With slick bodies they pressed their centres together, moving as one – Piper bit her breast again, harder this time. Their throbbing sex's met in sheer ecstasy. The burning intensified, the hunger increased. Piper moaned into Alex's mouth._

 _A bolt of pleasure resonated from down below, she moved downwards on Alex's body – her stomach taunt and she shivered as Piper kissed her._

 _Piper reached her sex – she kissed her down her thighs and the brunette bent her legs, pressing the folds of herself against her. Their eyes met again._

"Pipes." _She moaned. They used to have a routine of Piper going first, but she needed to taste her now. She needed it more than she needed to breathe – she felt Alex's hands caress her shoulders as she placed her mouth in further. She pressed herself against her. She pushed her tongue against her clitoris, and pushed her fingers inside her. She circled her tongue and felt herself grow – if it was possible – more aroused as she continued._

"Oh _Pipes –" There was that deep, husky moan that made Piper turn from an ordinary sane woman into a sex starved animal. She had no control. She felt Alex's fingers pushing through her hair, her stomach tightening and her legs trembling. She could tell that she was trying not to moan, but she couldn't stop herself. "Fuck – fuck, oh my God." Piper continued to caress her sex – moving swifter and faster as she did._

 _Alex groaned and gyrated beneath her lover, taken to a new level of bliss. Finally everything felt so right and fitting, it felt like the most magnificent thing it the world. Her back arched – she didn't think she could last much longer, there had been so much anticipation and want that she could barely control herself._

 _Momentarily, Piper moved her mouth away, circling her thighs with her mouth again, moving the tips of her fingers to Alex's erect nipples. She heard the brunette's plead in a whisper, and she moved back again, moving faster this time. Her back arched higher, her stomach convulsed._

 _She felt Alex's legs buckle. "Fuck." She said again – "I'm gonna…" she let out a long, laboured breath and her legs collapsed and she fell into a frenzy of moaning her name over and over, heaven descending around her._

 _Piper moved up and kissed her. Suddenly she found herself on her back with Alex's lips on hers and then all over her body. The burning intensified to the point where it was almost painful, her sex crying out to be touched. Finally – Alex's magic fingers reached her, and instantly she was crumbling, she was so wet that Alex sank into her, her tongue danced and twisted within her and she was lost in a sea of ecstasy – pleasure coursing through her body as she rolled her hips against her lover's tongue, the brunette moved up and placed her teeth between her nipples – pupils once again marrying in a frenzy of want. Then she was back there in an instant – circling and rubbing. It felt every inch as good as she imagined it would – the chemistry and desire coursing between them and surrounding them like a tornado. The hurt, the betrayal – washed away by the love reignited between them, each time a pure fresh wave created a blank slate._

 _Piper's body electrified – she floated up, pleasure zinging through her body – her stomach clenching as Alex moved her tongue in deeper – faster. "Alex!" She cried out – pressing herself in closer against her. The walls inside her shattered, she was effortlessly falling – soaring. The orgasm falling around her in waves, it sent her somewhere beyond the walls of Litchfield. She moaned over and over – and slowly, as the waves subsided, Alex moved back up to her mouth and kissed her once again only softer and less urgent than before. Her black hair fell over her face as she did, she moved and lay down next to her on the floor of the chapel._

" _Well – fuck me…" Piper said between breaths, propping herself up on one elbow._

" _I think you'll find I just did." A look of pure unadulterated adoration was exchanged between the two. For a little while, at least – there was no prison, or Larry – or Healy. It was just two people, very much in love – wasting a little more time._

* * *

"Put her there, put her in the middle." Aydin instructed, Stella did as she was told, the chair squeaked in protest as she dragged the chair - along with Piper's unconscious body in the centre of the room. Alex studied Piper desperately. She could see that her left eye was already swollen, blood poured from her nose. Her eyes glistened as she took in the sight of her, knives stabbing at her heart.

The squeaking stopped – and Piper woke up. Her eyes opened, blurry with confusion. She looked straight at Alex and smiled. Then slowly looked around, the corners of her lips falling at quickly as they had risen.

"Well, hello there sleepy head!" Stella sang, her high-pitched voice like chalk across a blackboard.

" _Fuck you_." Piper spat with blood trickling down her lips.

"That's no way to speak to someone when you're tied up." She reached into her pocket and pulled out what appeared to be sharpened toothbrush. "You should really watch your tone _Pipes_. See this lovely little shiner here – that's because of you, and I don't feel like I've gotten my revenge _quite_ yet." Stella pointed to her face, and almost lunged at the blonde when she smirked. "You smug little bitch."

Piper didn't move – but looked directly into the eyes of the person who had caused Alex and herself so much pain. She didn't blink and her gaze didn't falter. She didn't want to look afraid – her dignity wouldn't allow it.

Stella moved the weapon closer to her face and Piper strained away from her. The younger woman saw Alex wince in the corner of her eye.

"See now, this is the best way to make _her_ suffer." She looked at Alex. "What is it with you two?" She questioned, looking at Aydin. "It's like you can feel everything that she feels. Kinda freaky if you ask me."

"Shall we test that theory?" Aydin smiled for the first time since they had entered the abandoned library. His eyes narrowed underneath his thick eyebrows.

" _Aydin,"_ Alex said desperately. "You don't have to do this."

"Yeah." He said. "I do." He knelt down in front of Alex, and put his face close to hers. "You betrayed Kubra, Vause. He took you in, when you had nothing. He gave you everything, he called you a friend. And you gave him up to the feds." His eyes held hers. "You're going to pay. And you're going to suffer." He moved the gun closer to her. "It's your fault that he can't come in person, because everyone's on the lookout for him. You might as well have put him up on a wanted poster. You've done this to yourself, kid."

"What happened to you?" Alex shook. "After Fahri…"

"Fahri is _dead_!" He shouted. "I killed him. I killed my friend – what does that tell you, Vause? Huh? I don't get attached. Not like you."

" _Please stop."_ She pleaded as she watched Stella drag the sharpened toothbrush along the blonde's face with a wicked smile. Her eye caught Piper's - the way that the blonde tried to shield her fear from her – made her heart clench all the more.

Alex cursed her useless hands bound behind her, she longed to grab Stella by her scrawny neck and squeeze and squeeze until all the life ebbed away from her evil soul. She wanted to run to Piper and envelope her in her arms – to wipe the blood away and make her smile again. She wanted to save her. Mostly she wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but she'd be lying.

Adrenaline surged through her and she wriggled her fingers around uselessly, trying and failing to free herself. Her mind sprinted over itself trying to figure a way to break free - her thoughts were hot and desperate.

Her life, she now found, meant very little to her, but Piper's meant _everything_.

When Piper breathed, when she looked at her – and smiled, that was enough to make her own heart want to keep beating. When her lover laughed, or said something stupid – when she held her, and kissed her – it made Alex stop having to remind herself to inhale and exhale. Without her, she'd –

She couldn't think about it. She wouldn't.

She couldn't watch this happen, this _couldn't_ be happening. This wasn't right, this wasn't the way it was supposed to go.

Stella watched Alex as she dug the weapon into Piper's face.

" _Ahhh!"_ Piper struggled to suppress her scream as Stella etched a deep line from the lobe of her ear to the corner of her mouth. The blonde tried to move away from her, but without the help of her hands – she was useless.

"Stop!" Nichols and Alex begged together.

Alex had almost forgotten that her friend was there and was watching all of this too. She'd been dragged into this on a technicality. She didn't want to see her hurt – she was a great, loyal friend, and this wasn't fair. It wasn't.

Blood poured from Piper's face, hot and angry blood seeping from the gaping wound.

"Please. Please – stop, Fahri." Alex said again, her voice rising. "This has fuck all to do with her." She forced herself to look at Piper, then at Nikki. "Or her. You want me. Piper didn't betray you, did she? You evil son of a bitch."

"You'd better keep that temper in check, Vause." His voice was harsher now. He came closer to her again, his unblinking eyes holding hers prisoner.

"I think they _are_ connected." Stella observed, as Piper howled quietly in pain – Alex tensed. "It must be true love."

"That's when you stopped being so good, Vause." Aydin sighed at her, shaking his head slowly. "For a while I thought you might have had what it took – to get to the top of the game." He played with the gun in his hands. She watched it – watched his finger on the trigger. "But then everything changed. The sexy, cold, fearless lesbian fell in love. You ruined it." His eyes moved to Piper. "She took everything away from you. You were strong and she made you weak. You became distracted - emotional. That's what got you in here – you stopped looking out for number one, and now look where you are."

He shook his head once more. "I had so much faith in you." He continued, "and look at you now, Vause. You're pathetic – crying over some little blonde bimbo. I feel sorry for you." He stood up, giving her a full view of his guard uniform. "Love makes you weak. You can watch her _die_ , and you can watch your friend die – and then I'm gonna make sure you go _real_ slow. Puncture just a little of your heart that you bleed out so gradually – that you can think about how much of a stupid bitch you are, what a waste you've made of your life." He frowned. "You could have been great."

Alex watched him with her green eyes hardening. "I could have been _fucking_ great? Are you fucking kidding me?" She said, the fury making her brave and indignant. "I could have been _you,_ you mean. A murderer? You evil piece of shit."

" _Vause."_ Nikki whispered next to her. "Stop."

She shook with anger. "Fuck you Aydin."

"This bitch really doesn't know when to shut up, does she?" Stella said, still leant over Piper.

Alex tried to compose herself. She looked at the floor. "I'm sorry – just don't hurt her. Don't hurt either of them."

"Well the thing is – ol' Piper here, she's the one that got you out of SHU in the first place." He looked at the blonde. "Oh yeah, Stell here told me all about it. She told you to stop – but you just couldn't, could you? They were in it together. Her, that Russian cunt, and this frizzy bitch." He pointed the pistol at her instead. "Isn't that sweet? Blondie gave panties to the Russian and in return she fucked that guard to get you out. It fucking worked too. Gotta hand it to her. I'll put a bullet in her head too, as soon as she leaves that fat fuck's office." He laughed to himself. "This story's a tonic. One to go in the Prison's Weekly Digest, that's for sure."

He seemed to rather enjoy his own narration, he began to pace, switching his aim every three to five seconds. "So, yeah – I would have let little Pipes over here live, if she'd left shit alone. But she didn't. I could have just shot you in SHU – simple, clean – in and out. But no, she had to intervene. She pissed me off. So she can join you in your little casket." He smiled again. "Maybe you can be buried next to your mom, huh?"

Alex had to stop herself from letting the venom fly from her mouth in a series of disgusting curse words – the mention of her mother made her furious, but she kept her mouth closed. She had to, for them. "And Nichols here, she just offered herself up to me on a plate.. I was gonna let her slide. I didn't care whether she lived or died – but since she's here… I might as well."

"You sick bastard." Nikki couldn't stop herself from saying.

"Sick indeed." He quipped. "Indeed." He repeated.

"Right enough playing around Ayd – let's do this."

"Alright, alright." He stopped, and held the gun with one hand – whilst screwing the silencer onto it with another.

His eyes moved between the at the three of them – at Alex's restless gaze, at the blonde gently sobbing with her eyes on the ground – to the pale, trembling young woman who looked as though she had seen a ghost. "Nichols." He said to Stella, before pointing his gun on her. "We should get her out of the way. Kill the pansy before we get to Juliet and Juilet over there."

Nikki tensed and shut her eyes. Her skin was whiter than it had ever been. " _Please_." She said slowly, looking somewhere past his face.

"You haven't got much going for you anyway, kid. I think I'm doing you a favour." He clicked the gun, and held it towards her, walking closer to her head.

"Aydin no!" Alex begged, she looked to Piper – who seemed to have froze. "Please don't fucking do this."

" _Alex_." Nichols cried. She held her mascara clotted eyelashes closed, her mouth pulled downwards – her features tight, neck twitching.

He placed his finger on the trigger and began to press down on it, a smile forming on his lips. "Remember this is your fault, Vause." He moved so that it was placed directly at the centre of her forehead. She winced and struggled helplessly. The wire dug into her wrists, reminding Nichols that she was trapped. In the last moments of her life all she would remember was that metal wire clawing at her veins – the cold steel of the end of the gun pressed against her forehead. She would remember the pleas of her friends, and the thoughts rushing through her head of everything she had never done – and everything that she had. She thought about Morello.

"Stop! Stop – CIA!" A high pitched voice shouted, starltng them all.

All eyes turned to where the voice was coming from, and there stood Lolly with a sharp multi-coloured object in her hand. Before anyone had the chance to even contemplate the situation, she launched the object into the air. It flew past the three women. The sheer force and bluntness of it allowed it to land in the tensed flesh of Aydin's hand. He gasped as it entered his skin – and promptly dropped the gun.

Aydin went in pursuit of the gun. A weapon-less moved Stella quickly moved towards Lolly – who dodged her and managed to get behind Alex.

"Don't ask me how." She whispered in Alex's ear, squinting over her glasses and pulling out a pair of garden sheers. "I just knew. I want to prove myself to you, Agent Vause." Quickly, she snapped the sheers on the wire entwining Alex's hands and freed her.

"Thank you." Alex breathed, dazed and confused. Everything was happening so quickly she struggled to piece it together in her mind. She wiggled her fingers, and turned to her – overwhelmed with a mix of astonishment and gratitude.

In dismay she could do nothing but watch as Aydin seized the gun once again, and as quickly as it had all happened, it went silent again – a dull shot echoing as Lolly fell to the ground. Her glasses lay beside her – her dark eyes staring at the ceiling.

She was dead.

 **Ooh! Quite the dramatic one wasn't it? I did warn about sexual content… anyway, please review and let me know what you think… One chapter to go!**


	10. Episode 13

**Okay – I've been kind of busy so sorry it's taken two weeks to update. This chapter is on the long side, but I thought much like the thirteenth episode of each season, it's always longer than the rest. So it's kinda like that. I had so much I wanted to say and couldn't quite manage to condense my word count. I hope you don't mind!**

 **Okay so here's your M-rated warning, my language is appalling – I sprinkle swear words around like fairy dust. Sorry! Also a mild sexual scene (I had to!)**

 **Episode 13**

The room fell silent in the wake of the gunshot.

All eyes fell to Lolly's lifeless body colliding with the floor, her eyes open – staring at the ceiling, surrounded by a crimson puddle.

Aydin stood over her, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. Piper and Alex's eyes connected in disbelief and horror.

Nikki still hadn't exhaled from when the gun had been held to her head.

Lolly lay between the three of them, her ridged features held her disappointment in place. Alex looked down at her, mourning the unfortunate soul who she had only seen from a distance. This woman who had lost her life because of her. A poor crazy fool who had tried to save her life, but had lost hers in return.

Just like that, she was gone. Just like that she was dead.

And they were next.

Aydin had been reunited with his gun, he greeted it like a long-lost friend. "Well, that was unexpected." He said, breaking the silence that had formed in the room, his eyes fell to Alex's hands clenched together on her lap, harsh indents on her skin from where the wire had been pulled tightly. His eyes moved to her face. "Oh, look, this deluded fool managed to free you before she kicked the bucket. Why, _Agent_ Vause, you never told me you were CIA." His dark eyes twinkled menacingly.

Alex's mouth moved but no words came, her eyes looking down at the woman's body. Raw grief penetrated her heart for this woman that she never knew, for the woman that risked her only life for _her_ , whether she was crazy or not.

She'd saved her life for nothing – they were all still fucked.

Weren't they? Alex looked at the sheers right next to Lolly's lifeless hand and felt her chest tighten.

Aydin didn't move, but still stood with his warped moral compass hanging over the brunette. He extended his hand with the gun. "Back to business." He said, squaring his shoulders and jaw in equal measure.

"Stop stalling." Stella said in an irritated tone. The young woman was positioned just to the left of Alex, out of range of the gun.

The brunette felt an idea forming in the back of her mind, she had to try hard to grasp it because the fear was dragging it away. Alex couldn't help but think that this was her last chance, her last chance to do something right.

She wiggled her free fingers, unbound by the confining steel wire. The knowledge that she was the only one that was free, weighing painfully on her shoulders. She had a chance here – a chance before their lives were taken away.

She had to fucking take it.

Fear gnawed at her like a ferocious monster, feeding on every ounce of bravery she produced, leaving only cowardice behind. Her eyes focused on Piper again, and her stomach dropped at the way the blonde tried to look so fierce and brave. Piper's pale hands were still, but she could see the grip terror held her on her azure eyes. Alex longed for the clouds to clear – so that her eyes would be shining again, happy and warm – her _Pipes_.

Such a fierce love grabbed hold of her heart once again, and she winced at the intensity of it. She had a primal urge to protect her, to shield her from everything – this mess that she had gotten her into in the first place. The love surged from her heart morphing into adrenaline – coursing through her veins like rocket fuel.

Her eyes shot to Nikki's across the room, who flashed her own widely back at her, indicating towards the abandoned object by Lolly's hand. Nikki looked to Stella, and then to Piper, whose expression was severe and desperate.

Alex got the message.

The gun clicked once more, Aydin was gearing up to go again – but his eyes were no longer on Alex, as he was hissing something at Stella, he moved closer to the tattooed woman.

Alex took her opportunity. She didn't think but let her limbs take over. Quickly, with both hands she pushed Stella's back. _Hard._

She barely watched as Stella collided with Aydin, but she heard the sound of their bodies colliding – groaning as they moved towards the ground. She had to move, and quickly. She didn't know if Aydin still had the gun in his hand, but what she did know was that she didn't have much time.

With that fresh adrenaline pumping through her, she hurriedly wrapped her fingers around the sheers beside her. Her shaking fingers felt the cool steel of them. She got to her feet, her eyes darting quickly down to Aydin and Stella.

Stella's head had connected with the corner of the table on the way down. She was out. Cold. Aydin struggled beneath her – but somehow the gun was still wrapped around his fingers.

" _VAUSE!"_ He yelled with such warning and authority that she almost stopped.

 _Almost._

Taking two steps to the left, she was merely inches from Piper. She moved behind her and supressed the urge to wind her arms around her, and nuzzle her nose against the back of her neck – then kiss her fiercely to remind her how much she loved her. She didn't say it enough – she realised - she _really_ fucking loved her. With every single piece of her shitty existence, she loved her. Loved her so much that she wouldn't survive if she lost her.

She was everything. Without her –

She calmed herself, and quickly put the sheers to the wire that bound the younger woman's wrists, and in milliseconds she had cut it. Piper looked up at her as she did, her pupils large and shining. Gratitude, fear and love moving across her features. Instantaneously, the blonde's hands were in front of her. Alex handed the sheers to her and nodded towards Nikki.

" _Go."_ She said with a hoarse voice. There was so much she wanted to say, but time was not her friend.

Piper didn't need to be told twice, she leaped from her chair and headed in Nikki's direction.

Alex looked back over at Aydin – expecting to still see his body writhing beneath Stella, but in a matter of seconds he had managed to get back on his feet again.

She was a still good few feet away from him.

"RUN!" She yelled towards the two women.

Nikki was the closest to the door, by now Piper had cut her hands free too. They looked at each other with a mixture of helplessness and desperation.

"Go!" Piper said to her in an urgent whisper. "Go and get help!" She turned to Alex who was running across the library towards her.

Nikki was frozen in place.

"GO! I'm not leaving without her -" Piper hissed. "We're right behind you!"

Nichols finally turned around, flung open the doors – dove through the crisscrossed wires and sprinted down the hall.

Alex had almost reached her before she heard the gun menacingly click again.

Piper screamed.

Alex dropped to the ground like a ragdoll upon hearing the sound, heart beating heavily in her ears. The bullet shot through one of the bookshelves just to the left of her. He'd just missed her. Whether it was intentional or not, she didn't know. She looked up to find the blonde's eyes weighing heavily on her, it had not yet registered to her where the bullet had landed. Her eyes were searching for blood, for a bullet wound – and when she didn't find anything, her eyes found hers again – relief written all over her face.

"When are you going to stop fucking around, Vause?" Aydin stood over. "You never _fucking_ learn do you?" He looked to Piper. " _You._ " He spat. "Get over here now." He pointed the gun at her, and obligingly she came forwards – aware that each step she took was another footstep away from the door.

Piper visibly shrank under his glare, obligingly, she moved towards him and Alex. It felt as though they'd stopped playing his game. He wasn't going to fool around anymore. The game was over. His expression was blank and heavy – so loaded in fact, that Piper almost felt _sorry_ that she'd tried to escape – as though she'd committed the ultimate offence against him.

This was _it._ They had nothing. There wasn't going to be anyone to save them in the minutes that they had left.

Piper walked until she was standing beside Alex, who had gotten to her feet – her eyes hooked around hers – she tried to mentally latch herself on to her like an anchor. She needed something to ground her.

Alex's green eyes followed her movements, the dim lights of the library refracted in her eyes, they were large and watchful. Alex continued to look at Piper, as though she was drinking every single little bit of her in, savouring every ounce of her before the gun clicked again.

"As promised, Vause – you can go last." He moved the gun from hand to hand, "kneel, Piper." He said with a voice absent of remorse.

"Aydin – _please."_ Alex abandoned everything, pride – fear, nothing remained but love – humanity.

The woman she loved had a gun to her chest. She was helpless. Tears fell from her eyes.

"Would you stop it, Vause? Saying please about ten thousand times isn't going to stop me – so give it up." He raised his foot, drew it back and kicked Piper in the ribcage – the blonde fell backwards. Groaning softly on her side, pulling her knees up to her skin. He did it three more times, each time with Alex's screams of protest getting louder and louder.

"Get up!" His voice was stern although it was barely above a whisper.

Straining on the ground, Piper's breaths came slower, pain exploding and expanding from her core. Somewhere within her, she mustered the strength to sit up.

Alex felt her insides seize up as she watched. Her thoughts frantically darting through her head. She had no moves left – but still her mind ran on and on trying to find a solution. Fear and anxiety ate away at her as he moved backwards to give himself a better aim.

"You're a fucking monster." Piper said suddenly, clutching at her sides. "I hope you rot in hell you vile piece of shit." The anger was outweighing the fear in her broken voice, her top lip thinned as she spoke. "You think you're big, huh?" She looked down at Lolly – feeling the older woman's eyes on hers. "You _murdered_ her."

"Yeah, and you're next on my list." He was dragging it out, extending the agony. "I want you to watch the life drain out of her, Alex. A head shot," he considered it and shook his head. "No, that's too simple – too easy. Kubra specified that you should suffer. This is the best way."

Alex's eyes followed him as he approached them, every inch of her crying out in pain – begging for him not to do this. She knew he wouldn't stop, even if she screamed and cried, yelled for him to turn the gun away, for him to spare her life.

She knew by his lifeless eyes that he would pull that trigger. He'd done it to Fahri. He'd done it to Lolly – and she guessed countless others. Her body was slick with a cold sweat as he caught her eye and smiled.

"Chapman, come stand in the middle here – I want Vause to have a better view of this." Piper didn't move, but watched him with large childlike eyes, blue and unblinking. It seemed as though she was still in shock from the pain, her lips parted and then closed again. Her breathing slower now again. Aydin lurched towards her impatiently, he hooked his hands around the neck of her shirt and pulled hard. She gasped as he dragged her next to Lolly's body.

She was trembling again now, her clothes damp against her skin. Part of her felt oddly distant from this all, as though she was watching herself from a distance – watching her weak, pathetic excuse of a body shake beneath the gaze of a cowardly man. Yet at the same time she could feel the erratic thrum of her heart resounding in her ears and the uncomfortable bead of sweat at the base of her neck.

The shadow of the gun hovering over her.

She had to remind herself to take a breath, she desperately tried to rein in her scattered thoughts sprinting through her head.

Eventually the sentences stopped forming, the adrenaline dripped away and all that remained was sheer, undiluted self-preservation.

He stretched out his arm and took a few steps backwards. " _Please."_ She said. "Please don't do this." She whimpered at the same time as Alex continued to plead.

"AYDIN NO! AYDIN. STOP!"

The gun clicked.

Alex heart stopped.

"Put the gun down!" A male voice shouted from beyond them. Alex looked up to see Bell and officer - she wasn't aware of his name - but he was very young with childlike features. Nikki stood behind them, her expression first of relief and then quickly, one of horror.

Aydin turned to them to find two guns trained on him, his expression remained impassive as he studied both guards wearily. "I should have killed you both, really – rookie move." He frowned as Bell stepped forward, her auburn hair askew, a red gash decorating the side of her head.

"I said put it down." She commanded heavily, mouth set in a grim line. The baby-faced officer followed her from behind, holding the gun as though it was a poisonous spider. Alex watched as Aydin looked down as his own weapon in his bloodied hands. He hesitated. His fingers tensed and then released, dropping the gun to the floor with a clack.

"Kick it _away_." Bell instructed.

He sighed, and gave it a harsh boot that sent it flying towards the bookshelf. It collided with the wood, before spinning around a few times – and then, mercifully came to a stop.

"Raise your hands."

He did, and then turned his head to Alex and smiled a satisfied smile, lips twitching at the corners until they graduated into a large grin, his dark eyes aglitter. She watched him, and raised a quivering brow.

If all of his leverage was taken away from him, then why was he smiling?

Then she saw her.

She hadn't registered the click when she'd heard it. Until now. Piper lay on the ground with wild eyes, hot angry blood pouring from her chest. She was gasping for breath, clutching at her chest where the bullet had entered her body.

Alex screamed, " _Piper_!" Her heart left her.

She didn't watch as they led him away, she didn't look up at Nikki or the guards. All she saw was Piper quickly fading on the ground.

Hurriedly she knelt over her and pressed her hands to Piper's chest, already between sobbing and screaming. _No!_ She hooked one arm beneath her and pulled her onto her lap, looking down into Piper's desperate blue orbs. The younger woman's thin body was convulsing, her breaths getting thinner – her expression growing more frantic.

"Al—ex, it _hurts."_ Piper wept, her eyes flickering.

Alex's breath stopped. _Oh God oh God, oh God. Please no._

"It's okay, babe. Shhh." She cried hoarsely and rocked her gently, applying pressure to her chest. She looked up suddenly, coming to her senses. "Someone _help_! Please." The baby-faced guard stood over her, watching silently with his mouth open in a perfect _O_.

"Why the _fuck_ are you just standing there!?" Alex screamed. "Go and get fucking help. She's bleeding out here." She didn't want to say the words, _she's going to die._ Because that couldn't be true, that wouldn't happen – she wouldn't let it. This wasn't real. This couldn't be happening.

He turned around and ran, she prayed that he would hurry.

She cradled Piper in her arms, whispering, "It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay." She repeated it over and over – becoming a ghost in her own body. Her own heart was lost. Every ounce of her energy was being used up on hope. Willing for her to be okay.

The colour drained from the world. Alex was aware that Piper's heartbeats were getting slower, and she couldn't do anything to stop it.

 _Fuck._

Piper's eyes were closing. "No – no, Pipes, baby stay with me _please_." She urged, kissing her on her forehead. She was so cold. Dangerously cold. Her voice was hollow when she spoke next, "Pipes. Don't go. Please stay." Tears transferred from herself to Piper, falling on her face. A raw agony she never thought possible overtook over her withering body. Alex's grey shirt was now crimson, and was growing darker as the seconds ticked by.

Piper's arms lay limply by her sides. She couldn't barely feel anything but the sensation of Alex's arms around her, her warm fleshy fingers pressing against her chest. Thoughts no longer came to her mind – everything was slow and blurred, she couldn't quite piece together why. Her mind was an unfinished jigsaw, she couldn't understand what was happening.

She knew that she was cold, and that darkness was slowly evading her consciousness – dragging her downwards, eating away at her, pulling her away from the light. Her eyes opened again, she saw Alex. She saw love – she saw everything that she wanted to hold on to. The world didn't make sense right now, but _she_ did.

She wanted to stay, she didn't want to go.

Piper saw that Alex was crying – convulsing with sobs that were erupting from her throat like a wolf howling at the moon. Her green eyes hooking hers, willing her to stay awake. She was trying. The love she held for Alex in her wounded heart was the one thing she understood right now.

Her vision was fuzzier now, but she could still make out Alex's shining eyes and her midnight hair that held a startling contrast to her translucent skin.

Her clothes were red. _Why?_ Was Alex hurt? The thought drifted away.

Everything was drifting away. Alex's lips were moving – her eyes were begging, the brunette wanted her to listen.

She should listen.

"Stay with me. Don't you dare fucking leave me Piper." Alex said, harsher now, almost angry. "Baby – _please."_ She gazed up at the ceiling, eyebrows high – eyes wild. "Where is everyone? Can I get some fucking help in here? ANYONE?" She was shouting now.

Piper didn't want her to be sad. " _Alex."_ She said softly.

"That's good, babe. Keep talking to me." Her glistening eyes came closer and Alex held her to her chest.

"I… love you." Piper uttered. Suddenly pain exploded in her chest – the numbness dissipating. Agonising pain seared through her chest. It attacked every piece of her, inch by inch until she couldn't stand it.

" _Fuck!"_ She cried – and then the darkness swallowed her.

.

.

.

 _Oh, they tell me, you're a groover mama…"_

 _The song Alex was so fond of started playing, she grinned, and looked up from her book to see if Piper liked it too. To her delight, and surprise, she was greeted by the sight of Piper's wiggling behind. Her heart lifted as Piper moved in time to the beat, shaking her hair – Alex sensed the blonde knew she was being watched._

 _The older woman's body responded before she could, an inevitable wetness pooled at her centre –and her nipples stood, predictably, to complete attention. Her eyes followed Piper's beautiful body as it glided along to the melody._

 _Slowly, whilst still moving in time with the music, - the blonde turned her head, her long flaxen locks cascading down her back like a waterfall. With her lips parted, her darkening eyes met Alex's, her gaze all too knowing, aware of the power she held over the older woman. She rolled her hips._

 _Alex shut her book, desire already devouring away her. "Get over here." She said._

 _Piper playfully didn't respond but continued to look into her eyes, with a mischievous glint in her own. She hummed along to the song, still dancing – lighting Alex's body aflame with want, sending sparks of desire from her chest to her centre. If Piper didn't come over soon she was sure she would melt in a pool of her own arousal._

 _As she watched, captivated – she marvelled at the younger woman. She was an insatiable snake charmer, eliciting feelings and desires out of Alex that she never thought herself capable of._

 _Their eye contact was a sexual act in itself, between their dilated pupils they had already undressed one another. Alex watched in hot awe as Piper criss-crossed her arms and pulled her vest top over her head, her hair fell around her like a halo. She was wearing a black embroidered bra with red lace decorating her cleavage._

 _Alex inwardly groaned and clenched her thighs together._

" _Come here." She mouthed, beckoning her over with her index finger._

 _Piper wound herself along the bedpost, her lithe body dancing up against it. She turned around so that she was facing the brunette, arching her back against the frame, still moving against it as her eyes latched on to hers again. "Are you gonna miss me?" She said, her voice like smooth chocolate._

" _Yes." Alex said in a soft voice, her angelic beauty taking her breath away. The look in her eyes awoke her once dormant heart, and her orgasmic body certainly never failed to dampen her underwear. She was something Alex had never known she wanted or needed, someone who had so quickly become everything. She had taken her heart and locked it away. Piper hooked her thumbs into the elastic of her shorts, and the older woman swallowed heavily – "too much."_

 _She watched her – the love in her chest blossoming and unfurling like a beautiful flower in the height of summer. "Come with me." She said before she could stop herself._

" _What?" Piper said quietly, still gliding along the bedpost, a smile dancing on her features._

" _Come to Bali." Alex said, turning off the music – wanting Piper to grasp how serious she was. "Come with me. I mean it. I'll buy you a plane ticket."_

 _Her gaze followed Piper as she came closer. "Are you serious?" The blonde said, in return watching Alex as she closed the space between them, her eyes alive and vibrant. She raised her eyebrows._

" _Yes." Alex said – her voice giving away how aroused she was. She kissed the delicate skin between Piper's breasts. She pressed herself against her. "Come with me."_

 _Piper straddled her, pressing her sex closer to hers._

" _Quit your job and come with me." Alex said again_

" _I'll have to give notice…" Piper replied weakly._

" _Give notice?" Alex laughed. "You're a fucking waitress." She kissed her gently. "You don't need to give notice."_

" _Will I get in trouble?"_

" _God – I hope so."_

 _The brunette ran her hand over Piper's breast, cupping it as she kissed along her neck. She heard the younger woman moan, and once again she felt her temperature rise._

 _Piper leant towards her, lips still close to hers. "You know what I mean."_

" _You don't have to do anything, you're just there to keep me company – alright?" Piper's bottom lip was between hers, and she sucked out it gently. Their breathing quickened. The heat between them prickled and rose – as their kisses grew more frantic and urgent._

" _Babe, I want you to come." Alex said, her voice growing deeper. She pushed her hand beneath the fabric of Piper's underwear and finally, pressed her fingers against the soft folds of her sex. Smiling, she ran her fingertips against her slick entrance and continued, "and I want you to come." She kissed her neck again and ran her fingers through her hair, Piper moaned as she spoke again. "Is that a yes?"_

"Yesss." _Piper drawled, lost beneath Alex's magic touch. "Yes." She repeated._

 _Suddenly she grabbed on to Piper's hips and span her around so that she was flat against the mattress. The blonde's breath left her._

" _Yes?" Alex whispered into her ear, the smile prominent in her voice._

" _Yes. I'll come." The brunette paused above her, and slowly climbed over her so that she was straddling her. Teasingly, she hovered above her – using her arms to support her weight as she moved her throbbing sex lightly against the lace of Piper's panties._

 _It was driving them both wild with want._

" _Oh you'll come alright." Alex grinned wickedly, beginning to press herself harder against her – the friction burning between them._

 _Piper pulled at Alex's top and frantically tugged it over her head. They continued this dance until they were both finally naked. The brunette expertly created a trail of kisses down her abdomen until she once again reached the smooth folds of Piper's sex. Momentarily, she moved away caressed the insides of Piper's legs, running her tongue gently back and forth against her burning skin. Knowing perfectly well it drove the younger woman crazy, she smiled and looked up._

" _Hold on-" Piper whispered between breaths – "just to clarify, I want to come with you… to Bali – as well as uh,_ coming _now."_

 _Alex looked up from between her legs and laughed again, "I know, you idiot!"_

" _Oh." Piper's brow furrowed, and then she smirked. "Okay then, please continue."_

" _My pleasure." Alex said, moving downwards._

" _Oh – it's all mine." Finally, Alex returned to her quickly dampening core – and without warning, pressed her tongue straight onto her clitoris – and instantaneously Piper began writhing beneath her. Electricity radiated from her as she pressed the base of her feet against the mattress, pressing her folds closer to Alex's experienced tongue._

 _Alex twisted her tongue along Piper's sex, running it up and down and then back to that sweet spot that made Piper writhe. She loved this. Loved this more than anything else in the world - making the woman she loved moan beneath her – it was quickly becoming one of the most precious things in the world to her. The sensation of Piper coming undone beneath her touch. Making her grow hot and moan her name. Knowing that she was the one making her sigh breathlessly, twist and groan in pleasure. She loved all of these things even more because it was Piper. She was usually so controlled, so straight laced – now so beautifully flimsy from her touch._

" _Alex – shit, Al, fuck me." Piper moaned, her hair spread out along the mattress, her eyes closed in ecstasy, her stomach convulsed as she grew closer._

 _Alex circled her tongue on Piper's clit whilst moving her fingers inside her. The blonde began to jolt as Alex increased her pace, almost coming herself hearing the blonde moan her name over and over, grinding against the rhythm of her tongue._

 _Seconds later, she crumbled into a heap on the mattress – clawing at the sheets in a hot sweat, pleasure exploding through her body in wonderful waves, and just when the younger woman was ready to collapse – they continued – wave after wave of sheer ecstasy._

" _Fuck –" She said as they began to subside. "Alex – that was…"_

" _I know." Alex crawled over her, kissing her every inch of her body on the way back up to her lips._

" _I really love you, you know that?" Piper said as Alex settled next to her, resting her chin on her palm – emerald eyes searching hers, suddenly glimmering._

" _I know." The brunette replied, pulling the blanket over them. Once they were beneath it, she pulled Piper towards her, so that the curve of her back was pressed against her stomach. She wrapped one arm around her and pulled her tightly in. "And I love you, Pipes." She kissed the back of her neck. "More than anything."_

 _A contented silence fell between them, and soon Piper was asleep. The older woman watched her drift away, her gaze lingering on her – savouring every breath with the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Eventually, she brought herself to close her eyes with the warmth of her love pressed against her and fell, in turn, into a blissful slumber._

 _._

 _._

 _._

Alex somehow made it to her bed. She was clutching on to the edge of it, trying and failing to steady her breathing. Her heart was hammering, she felt as though it was about to burst out of her chest. Her fingernails seized her palm, she dug them into her hot skin – wanting the sensation of it to take away the pain she felt on the inside.

She saw Piper in the eye of her mind, being taken away from her over and over again. When they had snatched her from her grasp, she'd stared in horror at the blood on Piper's clothing – she'd never seen so much.

How could one single solitary human being survive after losing that much of themselves?

She remembered them wrestling Piper out of her arms and being unable to get up off of the floor as they took her away. They were shouting things like "unresponsive!" and "punctured aorta!" She remembered herself sitting there with her arms still outstretched, lost without the weight of her there. She remembered the sensation of feeling like she was being ripped apart as they wheeled her away – abandoning her dignity and begging for them to save her life.

Alex didn't remember when she started screaming, or precisely when she stopped.

The relentless light of morning had returned, but she didn't move from the edge of her bed – her eyes focused blankly on the wall in front of her.

On the outside, she was frozen – but on the inside, Alex was in turmoil. She couldn't stop cursing herself, for being trapped in a godforsaken prison. If she had been a normal fucking person she could have gone to the hospital with her girlfriend. If she had been a normal person – her girlfriend wouldn't have been shot in the first place.

Over and over again, her mind repeated the cycle of events – the look in Piper's eyes. _I'm going to die._

Alex couldn't believe that for a second, she had thought everything was going to be okay. Aydin had dropped the gun. It was going to be alright, they were safe.

Then she'd seen the horror on Nikki's face. She remembered feeling bewildered as to why her friend's expression wasn't relieved – but then she had looked down and seen the sight that knocked the breath clean out of her body.

That one word forming on her lips. _No. Oh please God, no._ The shock on Piper's face, clutching her chest in confusion - her features tainted in disbelief. She looked down at herself and fell back against the floor, shuddering and convulsing.

She had been so cold.

Alex looked down at her hands, they were still crimson from when she'd held her – agony seizing her own heart. Everything had seemed to slow right down. She recalled feeling that it wasn't real, that it was a terrible dream – a horrible nightmare. That this wasn't her reality, surely?

Then she held Piper in her arms, and felt her slowing pulse – felt the thickening blood pouring down onto the ground around her.

She'd felt an overwhelming sense that she couldn't do it – watch the life leave Piper, because if it did – it would leave her too. She had looked down into her lifeless eyes, and willed for her to keep them open. _Stay with me,_ she had said. She couldn't lose her, she wouldn't. She was the only person in the world that she had ever held on to with such ferocity. She had a glimpse into the abyss that would become her heart if Piper died, an empty, dark vortex – a black hole of despair. She pushed it away, the adrenaline returning – some part of her believing that if she wanted it enough, Piper would survive – as though her love for Piper would save her life.

But there was _so much_ blood.

" _I love you."_ She had said in a delicate voice – and Alex had held her tighter, howling into her hair. Then they had pried her away.

They'd stolen her.

She was gone.

.

.

.

Alex eventually managed to fold herself up against the wall, barely registering as a figure strode towards her and sat at the foot of her bed.

She heard Nichol's voice, but didn't look up, already falling down the hole that was slowly eating away at her heart. She pulled her knees up to her stomach.

"I'm so sorry, Vause." She said softly.

"She's dead isn't she?" Alex's voice was hollow, as though she already believed it.

"What?! No! Fuck. Stop it. Pull yourself out of this now. I haven't heard anything okay – and from the looks of it, neither have you." Alex felt the foreign sensation of Nikki's fingers running over hers. "We can't think like that."

Alex didn't reply.

"Sit the fuck up, Vause." The younger woman instructed, fear creeping into her voice. "She's got a chance. Don't act like she's already gone."

Slowly, in the wake of Nikki's voice – Alex managed to pull herself up, propping herself up against the wall. She pulled on her glasses, her raw, pained expression made her friend wince, her skin was deathly pale – her eyes empty. "She's dead." Alex repeated. "She's fucking dead." Suddenly, her vacant pupils filled, grief prominent within them – such an intense expression of sadness fell across her features that Nichols placed her hands on hers once more. "She couldn't have survived that-" her voice cracked, the pain in her throat too much. Her face contorted, she pushed her glasses back up to her head as the sobs ravaged over her body.

"Oh man." Nikki said. "C'mere." She sidled up to Alex, pulling her arms around her – the idea of comforting her no longer odd. "Please don't give up on her. Chapman, y'know – she's a fighter. How would she feel about all this negative thinking, huh?"

Eventually the day crawled along until it gave into the darkness once more, and with Nichols still patiently at her side – Alex fell into a troubled sleep.

"Poor kid." Red said, as she came into the bunk – her eyes on Nikki as she sat next to the brunette, who was tossing and turning.

"Please tell me you heard somethin', Ma?" Nichol's eyes were frantic.

The Russian shook her head.

.

.

.

The next few weeks passed achingly slow – and they were now on the cusp of September. The heat was blistering and the inmates filtered daily out into the yard, rolling up their trousers and pushing up their sleeves as far as they would go. Smiles were brighter, the days for some, had an extra bit of sparkle. Despite the fact they were still prisoners, and had to be felt up and fed sludge, the seemingly eternal sunshine succeeded in brightening their spirits.

Alex had never felt more alone.

Every second she was in agony. She was always waiting. Waiting for someone to tell her she was dead. On some level, she already believed it. Each time her endless cycle of thoughts came back to her laying there, surrounded by her own blood, eyes half-closed – Alex would gasp and clutch her own chest. As though she was being shot, over and over again.

She never let herself stop thinking about her, not for a second – that fresh pain in her chest, a bullet of grief, raw, cold and agonising. She hardly ever slept, not even daring to close her eyes because all she saw was Piper laying there – helpless, her eyes pleading.

Alex was locked in, what felt like, an eternal limbo – not knowing whether to hope or to mourn. She didn't dare get her hopes up because she'd seen her lifeless body being taken away.

She couldn't bear to tell herself that she was alive, because when that news came that she hadn't made it. She'd already know.

She prepared her heart for the inevitable fall/

And yet, she hoped. Somehow, beneath her anger and despair – a little light within her flickered, like one of those candles you kept blowing on but it never went out. No matter how much you puffed out your cheeks until they were hollow, and your face turned blue – it burned, stubbornly not giving into the darkness.

Alex maintained a vigil in her bed, leaving every now and then to do the necessary things to keep herself alive. She still had the blood crusted in her nails, she didn't want to wash it away, and she didn't want to wash Piper away, as fucked up as it was.

The hollowness in her chest expanded. It was a wretched feeling that never went away because with each breath that she took she was reminded of it. It consumed her like a flesh-eating disease. The agony was so prominent that she didn't know where to put the love, or the hope. It resided there within her, interspersing with the darkness so that the love became pain. It hurt to love her. It hurt to know that she was in pain somewhere, or had been. It affected her so badly that she could barely breathe herself.

She just wanted to hold her. To look into her eyes and just instantly know that she wasn't alone anymore. She wanted to press Piper's thin body into hers, and hold her as close as humanely possible, to feel her heart beating in time with her own. Her strong, healthy, beating heart. Not a heart with a bullet in it.

She wanted to whisper nothing and everything in her ear, to smell her delicate scent at the skin just below her ear. To feel her smile before she saw it. For Piper to put her hand in hers, and take her away from everything. She had a way of taking her away from herself, like she was a bird flying south for winter - flying away from the cold depths of the world, and taking her somewhere that was always bright, always warm. She could never get enough of who she became, of how much faster her heart beat, how much more she laughed and smiled. How the world became a place she could suddenly envision herself in. A world with Piper.

Alex was fucked up, sure – they both were. Two fractured pieces of life that somehow fitted together. Somehow created a love that she'd thought impossible. A love she had dismissed, and said – no way - that belongs in a fucking fairytale.

But it _was_ real.

Of course, they'd never been perfect. They'd broken each other far too many times to name. Each breaking a piece of the other's heart and taking a piece of the fragment with them. Embedding themselves within each other.

They'd pulled apart, and stretched their heartstrings so far after so many years apart – but somehow, they instantly pinged back together. Like Piper had said, it was inevitable.

Before everything, before she'd got sent to SHU – they were on the same page. Not the page at the end of that fairytale, nor at the beginning, but somewhere in the middle. She imagined the book to read "Part Two," and it wouldn't be anything like Part One. They wouldn't be stupid anymore, sure they'd fight, fuck up – over and over again, but they'd be together. They'd cherish this gift of love they'd been given. They wouldn't push it away anymore. She didn't know why ever did. They had had something so rare, so inexplicably beautiful and heart-renderingly raw and they'd wasted so much of it.

Then finally they'd both been ready, both sick of being dumb and young and reckless. They were ready to be together.

And then Aydin happened – he'd ruined everything. He got her locked up in SHU – and then he'd… he'd shot her. Her fucking Pipes. That evil monster had embedded a bullet in her beautiful heart. He'd been so unforgiving, so cruel and inhumane, and ploughed that steel into her chest without a second thought.

Maybe now they'd never get their chance.

She could barely function with the grief of it all, she couldn't live with the pain of not having Piper. She needed to know. She need to know right fucking now what was happening to her.

She imagined Piper covered in wires, surgeons deep in her chest – stupid fucking doctors operating on her who had no idea that she was _someone._ She wasn't just another patient. She was loved. Really fucking loved. If she had been there, she would have paced the hallways, screaming at every poor intern she encountered for news. They needed to know her life (in her eyes) was above anyone else's. She knew that was stupid and unjustified but she needed them to know. She need them to know that she was everything.

Alex didn't want to know herself without Piper, she didn't want to meet the empty shell she'd become. She didn't want to wake up every morning longing for the mercy of sleep again, and wait for the darkness to suffocate her. She was afraid of ever looking herself in the mirror again, looking into her own vacant pupils – nothing would hold any meaning. She imagined this hole never going away, she imagined it gnawing at her, day by day growing deeper and bigger until she wasn't even a person anymore. Just a passenger on the train to her deathbed.

And so she sat, and she waited. Nikki's face becoming almost as familiar to her as her own. Barely leaving her side, trying to force her to eat – to sleep, to wash.

She wanted to be alone, but she also wanted someone there.

She wanted someone to tell her something that wasn't _I don't know._

Sometimes, in the night, Alex let herself cry. It was no longer the type of sobbing that left her breathless – it was the cry of a person who had nothing left. Who didn't even have the will or the energy to let themselves go. She would just stare up at the ceiling, with her black hole of a heart and her empty body to keep her company.

She'd lost everything.

.

.

.

It was a bright Saturday morning, although it was just shy of noon – the heat was already stifling. Alex stood in the greenhouse, moving the sweeping brush gently from side to side. The others had more than willingly left her to sweep up the mess – she reluctantly agreed, hoping that it might take her away for her own head for a while.

Sweat beaded at the centre of her forehead as she swept, the rising sun still managing to filter in and illuminate the dusty floor. She shielded her eyes with one hand and rotated the brush with the other.

She sighed to herself - an empty desolate sigh that seemed to go on and on.

" _Alex?"_ She heard a familiar voice say.

No. No fucking way. It couldn't be.

It couldn't fucking be.

 _Could it?_

She turned around and dropped the brush.

"Pi…per?" She breathed, looking towards the door. Not yet looking up, she looked down at the floor and her heart clenched painfully. Those were her feet. Her eyes moved upwards. Those were her skinny legs – those were her fingers wound tightly together, that was her chest heaving up and down. That was her mouth wobbling dangerously – those were her eyes, her blue blue eyes, shining like the sun at the height of summer.

That was her Pipes.

Suddenly she was howling, she crumbled in on herself – folding like a deck of cards on the dusty ground. She couldn't believe it. This couldn't be real. She was dead. She hadn't thought that she'd ever –

Her cries got louder as Piper approached her, her breathing quickened – she felt as though she was hallucinating her ghost. She felt the same high and rush of euphoria that she felt when she was on heroin. She fully expected Piper to pass through her – to disappear before her like the dream that she was.

But she didn't.

She put her hands on her shoulders – and Alex trembled like a fawn taking its first steps. Piper knelt down slowly so that she was on her knees too. Her movements were slow, as though she understood that Alex couldn't take this all at once. They were both so broken, any sudden movements would surely make them like wisps in the wind, ready for a breeze to carry them away.

Piper was finally at her height, her own eyes level with Alex's. They were almost ethereal, a disbelieving green – so fragile, so timid. It wasn't the hardened, wise-cracking expression Piper was used to seeing and it made her heart both soar and descend at the same time.

The moments passed slowly, as Alex studied her – her breathing slowly returning to some form of normality, but her sobs – although sparser, echoed against the glass.

Piper moved her hands from her shoulders and gently, curled them around the wisps of her raven hair.

She finally spoke. "I thought… I thought you were fucking dead, Pipes." She ran her hands along her face, displaying the agony she endured. Piper's heart squeezed. "I – it's been hell." Suddenly, her face grew redder. "How could you fucking do that to me? How could you?" She sank further towards the ground.

"I-" Piper attempted.

"Yes, I know you were fucking shot, but – shit, couldn't you have just…" She rubbed the back of her fingers against her leaking eyes – fully expecting to see a blend of mascara and eyeliner along the back of her knuckles, but then she remembered she stopped bothering. She felt the rage build up inside her like an impending storm. "I didn't know if you were alive or dead! What kind of a person does that? I couldn't do anything – I couldn't eat or sleep, or have a conversation that extended beyond three words. I didn't know what to fucking do."

"Al." Piper said gently, her eyes still calm – the sky on a cloudless day. "I'm so sorry." She moved her fingers along Alex's cheeks, absorbing the moisture with her fingertips.

"I thought… I thought you were never coming back. Pipes." In an instant the anger melted away, and slowly, gingerly, Alex ran her fingers up to the younger woman's face, tracing a line with her index finger along her cheekbone. "I fucking hate that I love you so much." She finally looked into her eyes and felt a jolt – something clicking back into place. "I thought I'd lost you. I couldn't… I couldn't do it. Any of it. Get out of bed – or my own stupid fucking mind." She moved her fingers and threaded them through her blonde strands of hair. "I didn't want to be in this shitty world without you."

"You don't have to be." Piper almost whispered, watching the shock ebb away from the older woman's face and replace itself with relief, and then – finally sheer joy.

"What the fuck happened to you?" Alex said hoarsely, still not daring to take her eyes away from her for even a fraction of a second. Afraid that she'd turn away and run.

"I – I just remember pain. I mean shit, Al – it hurt so fucking much." Her eyes darkened at the memory, "I remember hitting the floor, and… then you were stood over me. And seeing you cry, and I remember thinking, _shit_ this must be serious." She hesitated before she spoke next. "I was just so scared. I had so much to say to you but I couldn't. I thought I was going to die right there with you holding me in your arms."

She paused and looked into the distance as though she could see it all again. "There was so much blood. All of it was mine. I thought how the fuck can I survive this? I shouldn't be losing this much blood. And then… you were gone, I wasn't in prison anymore. I was shackled to a bed with a shit tonne of people around me, shouting things at me." Her eyes began to leak. "I thought that was the last thing I'd ever see."

"Fuck." Alex said, completely lost within her narrative.

"…Yeah. And then I woke up – they told me I had been extremely lucky. That the bullet had just missed my heart – but I was still very weak and I'd have to stay for a few weeks."

"You _were_ lucky." The brunette said with shining eyes, weaving her fingers through the younger woman's. "So fucking lucky."

Piper nodded. "Uh huh. I know. I kept having nightmares about Aydin, standing over me with that gun. I thought about you every second I was there. I begged them to let me talk to you – but they refused. I might as well have been on death row, the amount of respect they treated me with." She frowned. "But then… they did save my life. So, I do owe them.. Something."

"You owe them everything. And so do I." Alex said frankly. "I'm so sorry. For everything, Pipes. For shouting at you – I was just shocked, I'm sorry that you ever knew me in the first place. You'd have never got shot."

"Don't you dare say that." Piper hissed with a startling intensity. "It happened. Okay? And I'm far from over it, but I know it's not your fault. Okay?"

"Okay." Alex said slowly, suddenly exhausted. "I'm glad you're okay."

"I missed you so fucking much."

"You _missed_ me? I was practically mourning you – you bitch!" She smiled slowly – then frowned, all of a sudden everything caught up to her. All of the yearning for Piper whilst she was in SHU, all of the horror, the grief – the feeling that she'd never see her again, all intermingled with the sweet relief that she was here. That she was alive. That everything was okay.

Their lips crashed together in a frenzy, and with her lips – Alex captured Piper's, drawing her in – savouring every single tiny piece of her. She felt her arms closing around her and she wound hers around her in return. Pressing the heat of her body into her. She couldn't get her close enough. She'd been so close to losing her, and now she was real, she was here. Her heart thudded as her tongue entered her mouth, feeling every ounce of her as her tongue danced around hers in return. Their hands moved upwards into each other's hair, hungrily, greedily – as though they had never touched before, and would never touch again. Savouring every new touch, every sweet solitary sensation that graced their lips.

"I love you." Piper said as their lips momentarily parted.

"I love you." Alex returned, resuming the kiss – running her hands along her body – cupping her breasts, reacquainting herself with every part of her she had thought she had lost. She was so awed, so utterly grateful that she was okay. She thanked every god that may or may or not have existed. She thanked those doctors and surgeons for making her whole again.

For giving her her life back.

She thought of Aydin.

 _Fuck you, you failed,_ she thought with hot venom.

The kiss grew to a close, and they looked at one another with their foreheads pressed together.

"Never again am I letting you go." Alex said. "I don't give a fuck what happens next, you are never leaving me again, do you hear me?"

Piper nodded vigorously. "It wasn't like I had a choice!" She moved a curled strand of the brunette's hair around her ear, her gaze softened. "I'll never leave you, Al. Never."

Alex still couldn't bring herself to look away, but found that she was forced to when the greenhouse's transparent doors crashed open.

"Fuck me, Chapman! You're alive! That's a relief." Nikki announced, throwing herself towards Piper. "I'm not a hugger, but shit Blondie, you scared the life out of me." She studied both women. "Aw, shit, were you about to fuck? Have I spoiled your squirting reunion?"

Alex glared at her and Piper giggled.

"Nice to see you, Nichols." She said genuinely.

"You got scars?"

"Just the one." She involuntarily lifted up her top to reveal a straight line going for the top of her chest to between her breasts.

"Fuck, that's cool. You're gonna be the talk of this place, Chapman." She looked up suddenly, as though she had remembered why she had come into the greenhouse in the first place.

"Everyone's gone down to the lake. There's a gap in the fence – we're going for a swim. You coming?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "What the fuck?" She shrugged. "Alright then." She looked to Piper who nodded slowly.

"Sure." The blonde smiled weakly. "Although, I can't run – or do too much exercise, I might tear my stitches."

"I'll make sure you don't hurt yourself." The brunette pulled her arm around her waist.

"Fair enough." Nichols said. "I'll catch you guys up though, I gotta find Lorna and tell her." She gave a wink. "See you down there."

She left and the two women looked at one another and laughed – it lightened the atmosphere and suddenly they were just _them_ again. Free to be together.

Free to love each other.

"There's a gap in the fence? What the hell - this has to be a _sign_." Piper stressed. "It's like a celebration."

"What, everyone's at the lake celebrating _your_ life? You're such a narcissist." Alex grinned. "Come on, let's go before any of these fuckwit guards turns up."

Five minutes later they strolled towards the fence hand-in-hand, people were filtering past them – running like wild animals towards the watering hole. Birds flew overhead as the sun rose gracefully in the sky.

They watched, as they approached the silhouettes of the screaming inmates splashing about in the lake, momentarily free from the overwhelming anxieties of prison life. Just human beings letting go. The carelessness of their actions was something quite beautiful.

Piper leaned in towards Alex, kissing her like they had all of the time in the world. The brunette eventually broke the kiss, she began to smile – but suddenly stopped and her eyes widened. She pushed her glasses down onto her nose and blinked harshly.

"Holy fuck." Alex said. Piper looked to her line of vision, and laughed loudly in shock.

"Well shit." She said.

It was the chicken.

 **I** _ **told**_ **you it was long. It wasn't intentional – but there it is! I feel rather proud I've completed my own story arc. I have an idea for another fic that's been gnawing at me – so expect to see that very soon. I'm about to start my second year of uni though so I won't have the freedom to write** _ **as**_ **much.**

 **I know this was pretty dominant with Alex's perspective, I don't even realise sometimes that I do. (It might be partially because I'm in love with her…)**

 **Let me know what you thought anyway, and thanks very much for reading.**

 **If you'd like you can follow me on tumblr – .com**

 **See you soon!**


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